Out of the Black, Into the Blue
by LaurettoEsPunkto
Summary: Since an unpleasant incident during her internship at a hospital in L.A. Idella Priestly wasn't allowed to earn her medical licence and fell into a deep hole. Alcohol and dirty jobs kept her alive sometime but now it was time to set things straight. When she applied for a job as nurse at St. Thomas in Charming she wasn't aware that this town, and its MC, would change everything.
1. Breathing

_So, that's it. St. Thomas Hospital, Charming, California. Hopefully my new working place. And my chance to start all over again_. When I found the job offer in the "California Daily" a few days ago I hesitated. I could never imagine to be a nurse someday. But I knew that this was my only chance to get back into the medical business. And I promised myself that I had to change my life for a better. And this change has to happen now.

So here I am. Standing in front of that big grey building. Ready to leave the broken pieces of my past behind. But the nearer I got to the the entrance the faster my self-confidence sank. Until I simply just froze like a stone in front of the large entrance door. _Am I really ready for this?_ Suddenly my palms became very sweaty and my breath went quicker and quicker. _Great. That's exactly what I needed. A little panic attack._ Before everything could get worse I sat down at a close bench. My whole body was shaking like a rattle snake and at this very moment I was so angry and frustrated at myself that I didn't realize that tears are falling down my cheeks. _When I cannot even get my ass into a simple job interview, how the hell am I supposed to change anything about my miserable situation?_

I let my head sink into my hands and started to breathe as normal as I possibly could in order to relax myself. So concentrated of calming down I didn't realize that someone sat down right next to me and put a hand on my back.  
"Hey, everything allright?" I heard a woman say. As I looked up I looked into the eyes of a very beautiful woman with long brown hair who was smiling worrily at me. I felt so ashamed that someone noticed my little break-down that I was speechless for a moment. "My name is Tara Knowles." She pointed at herself. "And I am a doctor here at St. Thomas." Still smiling she gave me a questioning look "Who are you?".  
"Ehm.. Sorry. I am Idella. Idella Priestly" I said behind some sniffs. "But mostly I am just called Ella"  
"So, Ella, you want to tell me why you had that little attack then? Does that happen often to you?" Tara still looked worried.  
"No, no. Nothing to worry about. I guess I was just nervous. You know, I have this job interview in .." I checked my watch "Oh God! It's in 5 minutes!" I jumped off the bench and tried to clean up the mess my tears made with my make up with my fingers.

"Do I really look that bad?" I turned over to Tara still trying to fix my short black bob. Studying my face she let out a soft laugh. "You look just fine. Your tears didn't not ruin anything. Must be a hell of a make-up you have there."  
 _Well, you want to look good on stage. When there is just a pole and you wearing nothing but a thong, at least your make-up has to put your self-esteem high.  
_ "Haha. Yeah, well thank you." I smiled. " Ehm. You do not happen to know where I can find a Margaret Murphy? She will interview me in, now, 3 minutes. And I am sure being late is not a great opener."  
"Oh, you are lucky. I do know Margaret. I can escort you to her office."  
"Thank you. That would be great."

* * *

"So, Miss Priestly, I have to admit that your vita is pretty impressive" Margaret Murphy, a lady in her mid 40s with short reddish hair, said

"But I don't really understand why you applied for the job as a nurse.

As I can see you attended UCLA Medical School to become a doctor. I guess you will be quite overqualified for the job. May I ask why you didn't finish Medical School and got your license? And what did you do the last two years? I see there is a gap in your vita. Don't get me wrong. I think you could be a great asset for our hospital. And with your 28 years you could really build up your future here in our institution. I'm just making sure you don't have anything to hide."  
And there it was. The situation I was the most afraid of. How could I explain to her that I messed with the wrong kind of people? That this fucker made sure that I would never be able to fulfill m dream of becoming a doc?

I assumed that she already knew the "official" reason why I left medical school.

So I simply asked: "Well, Miss Murphy. I highly doubt that you wouldn't have invited me without running a check through my criminal history. So what do you exactly want to know from me?" I tried to smile.

Deep in my heart I knew that I wouldn't get the job and that my chances of starting all over again began to sink.

"Indeed. I know about your little, let's call it, "breakdown". You punched a guy in the face whose daughter came into the ER that day. You were an intern back then. All I want to know is why you did it? I am sure you had a reason, 'cause you don't seem to me as an "uncontrollable, aggressive person", as it is described in your file."

Margaret looked at me. Her eyes were filled with care and honesty.

After all these years someone was really interested in the true story. From past interviews 2 years ago I knew that a report in my criminal file was the end. But I sensed it would be different this time.

I let out a deep sigh, which I didn't know held in. Though I felt very comfortable around Margaret I couldn't tell her all the truth.

This guy I punched back then wasn't just a normal guy. His name was Marshall Baxtor and he was a highly regarded lawyer of Los Angeles

So no-one to mess around with, 'cause he sure knew his rights. Well, my bad.

When his daughter came into the ER I was there to clean her wounds and help her fill the paperwork. Reports and stuff. When I asked her how this happened she nervously looked down and stammered something like "fell down the stairs".

But I knew this behavior exactly. This girl, sweet 14 years old, had bruises all around her arms and legs. Some of them were at least weeks old.

I guessed she just came to the ER because this motherfucker of a dad punched her so bad that he caused a laceration on her head.  
God knows what he did else.

As I reported my concerns to my supervising doctor he just answered that this is none of my business. That Mr. Baxtor is the most trustworthy civilian in L.A. And that I should be careful with what I was accusing him.  
But I couldn't just let it be. This was never one of my traits.

If others can't help me I have to help myself. And let's just say my aid was my fist in his ugly visage.

After that I was fired from my internship and when I wanted to apply for my medical license all my papers were sent back to me with a stamp "DECLINED" on it.

As I wanted to call the authorities I always got the same answer  
"Due to that incident last summer you don't fulfill the qualifications to earn your license".  
And from that day on I knew that the people with the most influence are the ones who have the most dirt under their carpets.

After that I fell into a deep hole. Jim and Jack became my best friends in that time and in order to pay for them I needed to do dirty jobs.  
You know, that kind of dirty where you have to swing around a shiny pole with high heels and nothing but a thong on. Those jobs that make you want to vomit everyday because some sweaty fat guy can't keep his hands off of you while you're giving him a lap dance.

I was 26 then. I never planned my life to be like that.  
When I opened the newspaper on that sunny day back in August last year I knew that I have to get me out of that dirt.  
There it was. A obituary showing a picture of a beautiful innocent little girl.  
Mary Baxtor. Died at the age of 15.  
That was my fault. I could've stop this.  
So that's when I decided that I have to get up and do something

Of course I couldn't tell Margaret all about this. It would simply cause too much trouble telling her all about Baxtor and my suspicions back then.  
 _His time will come._

"On that day" I cleared my throat "I was not in my best shape to be honest. Too much stress with the exams and many nights without proper sleep. When Mr. Baxtor assumed that I wouldn't care for his daughter properly he caught me on the wrong foot.

I overreacted back then. And I am really sorry now.  
I shouldn't have punched him.  
So that's when I needed a little time-out. I wasn't really sure if I wanted to be a doctor again. I had some troubles with my self-confidence back then. Didn't know if I could handle the stress, you know.  
In the past 2 years I had some occasional part-time jobs. For example waitress in a bar.  
I made enough money to cover my living costs and had enough time to think about my future.  
Now I know that I want to be back in medical business. And as a nurse I thought I would have a fresh start into that field."

While telling that lie I was sure that I spoke every word with as much honesty as I could.

It wasn't even a real lie, though. Just let out some details.  
And the last part was absolutely true. I wanted to have a fresh start.

Margaret looked at me the whole time like she was scanning if I said the truth.  
"Thank you for your honesty, Miss Priestly. I appreciate it very much and I am sure this wasn't easy for you. Everyone deserves a second chance and I would be honored if I could be the one who gives that chance to you"

My jaw dropped. "You ..you mean, I got the job?"  
"Yes, you have the job. I don't see why I should send such a talented young woman home. Though I don't understand why you would leave such beautiful place like L.A in order to live in that little hole of Charming" She laughed. "Guess that's what a fresh start means"  
I nodded, still in disbelief that I really got the job.  
"So, you can start in two weeks. Of course only, if you want"  
"Absolutely!" I screamed, maybe a bit too loud. I couldn't hardly contain myself.  
Now everything is going to change into better.

* * *

 **THIS IS MY FIRST FANFICION IN A LONG TIME.  
SO PLEASE, BE GENTLE ;)**

 **I DID NOT WANT TO SPOIL EVERYTHING IN THE FIRST CHAPTER.**  
 **THIS IS JUST MEANT TO BE AS A LITTLE INTRO.**

 **THIS STORY WILL DEFINITLY BE A CHIBSxOC STORY.**  
 **YOU JUST HAVE TO WAIT A BIT UNTIL THE HANDSOME SCOTSMAN WILL PLAY A PART HERE ;)**

 **I AM THANKFUL FOR EVERY FEEDBACK I CAN GET :)**


	2. Wondering

It's been two month now since I've started working at St. Thomas.  
As soon as I knew that I got the job I had to look for a place to stay the same day.  
I've already had a motel room for one night for the day of the interview, since it is a 5 hour drive between L.A and Charming.

Fortunately I could stay some more nights so that I could make a few appointments for viewing some properties.  
And due to the fact that the rent in Charming is much more affordable than in L.A.  
I could rent myself a nice little house. It even had a tiny garden!

Moving all my stuff from L.A to Charming seemed a bit complicated, though.  
It was obvious that I couldn't transport all boxes on my Sportster 883.  
 _Gosh, how I love that bike._ It was midnight-blue and was going fast since 1992.  
I've never been a car-driver. Didn't feel right to me. Riding a bike is like spreading your wings and fly.  
Sometimes I could ride like a whole day on the highway without even recognizing that time went by.  
So for my move to Charming I had to order a removal company. A bit pricey but the only possible way.

I was happy as I noticed that I was assigned to the neonatal surgery which was Tara's ward.  
Working with her actually made a lot of fun and I could say by how she operated that she was a hell of a doctor.  
After every operation she took some time to explain her steps.  
Why she had used that stitch and why that size of nylon was better for that kind of wound.

She didn't miss the fact that I was very interested in that field and that I knew a lot of things that were far over the knowledge of a common nurse.  
When she told me one day that I was very talented and asked why I knew so much I simply told her about my time in Medical School.

"But why didn't you earn your license?" She asked.  
I had the feeling that I could tell her a bit more than Margaret. Within the few weeks of working together we built something like a friendship.  
Nothing too close, was just the only person in that town that I got to know a bit better. And I really liked her.

"Well, that is a long, long story. Let's just say I offended the wrong kind of people. Those kind who have enough power to end your career."  
I looked into her questioning eyes. "I know, that sound kind of confusing. It's just .. "  
"No, it's okay. I get it. You cannot talk about it right now." She interrupted me and gently touched my hand.  
"We all have our secrets. And that little honesty you shared with me is very rare in that city. Thank you". She smiled.  
Though I didn't really know what to do with her words I was sure she understood.

"I have to say, I am really glad that I came here to Charming. And to find you. "  
Now I smiled. I've never been comfortable by saying what I feel.  
Maybe one reason why I've never had many friends. I am simply not good in building relationships.  
But when I wanted to change something I have to start to let people come closer to me.  
"This isn't not a love confession, is it?" She let out a laugh, and me too.  
"No. Well, kind of. It just feels good to have someone who you can talk to. Like friends. That's all"

OooOooO

Sometimes operating is just a job you have to do. You don't think much about your steps because it's like driving a bike.  
You never want to get too emotional by very hard cases. And in the neonatal surgery there are, of course, some sad stories.  
In the case of the little Abel it was hard not to get too much emotionally involved.  
His mother, a junkie, couldn't get enough of her stuff during pregnancy and now this little man had to suffer from huge damages.  
Luckily he would grow up in a nice family, I thought. Every time I came to check on him his father or his grandmother were there,

When I entered his room to check on him again I spotted his grandma sleeping in an nearby armchair. So I tried to be as quiet as possible.  
"Hey little man. Let's see how you're doing today" I whispered as I noted his levels from the monitor into his report.  
As I heard a rustling behin me I knew I wasn't as quiet as I wanted to be. I turned around and saw that middleaged, but still very beautiful, woman get up on her leather heels.  
"Sorry, I didn't want to wake you" I said with a sad smile.  
"Oh, honey, it's allright. It was just a nap anyway. How's my little man holding up?" She responded tiredly.  
"He's doing good. But for further information you have to ask Tara. Ehm, Dr. Knowles, I mean."

The woman recognized that I called Tara by her forename.  
"Tell me, you're kinda besties with the doc?" I started to feel a bit uncomfortable as she raised an eyebrow.  
Something in her voice told me that she wasn't very fond of Tara.  
"Well, kind of, yes. I just moved here 2 months ago and Tara is basically the only person I know here. She is a good doctor and a good human being" I tried to hold a smile.  
"Guess opinions differ." Yeah, she definitly wasn't fond of Tara. "But she made a good job with my grandson. So could you please tell her "thank you" from me? I'm Gemma. And your name was?" She reached out a hand.  
"Idella. Or Ella. Sure I can do that. Though I think she would be happier to hear it from yourself, Gemma"  
"Yeah, of course you do think that. I tell you something about Charming, dear. Since you all new and that.  
You mess around with the wrong kind of people you don't get much respect back. Just sayin'." And by that she left the room.

Back in the cafeteria I searched for Tara and found her at a table near the window. With my coffee in the hand I sat next to her.  
"Good news and kind of bad news. What do you want to hear first?" I asked her.  
"Well, first enlighten me, than crush me down, please" I laughed. Though at first sight Tara doesn't seem funny she always had a good joke or pun hidden somewhere.  
"Okay. The family member of a patient wanted to say thank you for your good job"  
"Oh, that's nice to hear." She smiled confidently. "And now, crush me!"  
" Well, that family member was a Gemma. And she sure didn't want to tell you herself.  
I guess she doesn't like you that much" In her expression I could see that Tara was bugged. "You want to tell me about it?" I asked.

"There is not much to tell. I dated her son, Jax, some years ago. Well, we were a couple. First real love, you know. We both were just teenagers back then.  
But it all started to become kinda complicated. He just lived a way different live than I did. With the MC and everything. I couldn't deal with that anymore.  
And when I got a job offer in Chicago I took it and that was the end of that romance. I guess Gemma never really forgave me for that."

"Ok, ok. Hold on. Too much information" I held my hand up.  
"You are telling me that you were dating the handsome father of little Abel? And what kind of MC are you speaking of?"

Tara let out a loud laughter. Some people even turned around to look at us.  
"What? What's so funny?" I looked at here totally puzzled.  
As she caught her breath Tara faced me "Wait! You really don't know about the Sons of Anarchy?  
You live here for nearly 2 months, nursing Abel for 3 weeks now and you never questioned why some of his visitors are wearing cuts and arrive on motorcycles?"  
The irritated look on her face was priceless. But I was sure I looked the same.

"Never really thought about it, no. I mean, what's so special about motorcycles? I mean, I love them.  
But in L.A, there were a lot of bikers. So it never occurred to me that in Charming this was something "out of the ordinary" "  
Shrugging my shoulders I took a large sip of coffee.

"Oh Jesus, Ella. There are a lot of things you will have to learn about that city." She looked at me as if I were some kind of puppy.  
"Speaking of motorcycles. What about yours? Is the tyre still flat? Aren't you tired of driving by bus?"  
Thinking of my little Sportster I got a bit sentimental "Yes and yes. I have to fix it soon.  
You don't happen to know a place where I can get it repaired?"  
Again Tara laughed loudly. "Well, time you meet the sons, then"

I still didn't get.

* * *

 **GUESS WHO WE WILL MEET IN THE NEXT CHAPTER ;)  
I'M HAPPY TO READ SOME REVIEWS :)**


	3. Laughing

The next day I arranged with Tara that she would drive me to TM after work so that I could tell them my problem and hopefully get my bike repaired.  
Tara wanted to see Jax anyways. I noticed that the both got a bit closer during the last few days.  
At lunch I confronted Tara "Hey, do you want to tell me, what's going on between Jax and you? Maybe a comeback?" I smiled childishly at her.  
She let out a loud sigh. "God, I wished I know. I still do like him very much. But I don't know how this is gonna work."  
"Well, what about you don't think about it too much and just let it flow?" I softly touched her hand.  
I felt that Jax made Tara happy and that's all I wished for her.  
"You know, sometimes it needs some distance between to people to make them realize how much they missed each other"

"You really should write some motivational books" Tara laughed at me. "Do you even believe what you're saying?"  
I didn't really know an answer to that question. "Well, I try. A new start needs you to rethink some of your principles, I guess"  
When Tara wanted to say something she was cut off by her ringing phone. "Excuse me" She smiled while answering her phone.  
"Hello" And suddenly I could see how her look changed from smiling into frozen. She immediately shut down her phone and put it back in her bag.  
"Hey, you okay?" I looked at her concerned. "Ehm .. yeah. Yeah, just someone. Had the wrong number."  
She tried to smile and I knew that she wasn't telling the truth.  
"You would tell me if something were wrong, don't you?" A strange look crossed her face.  
"Yes, of course. See, I gotta finish some rounds. I'll pick you up after work in the entrance, okay?"  
"Yeah, okay" And with that, she got up and went away, leaving me at the table.  
I thought about that moment for a few minutes. Something was strange here. I was sure Tara would sooner or later tell me about it.

I had to do some rounds, as well. Last week Wendy, the junkie mother of poor little Abel, nearly got herself O.D  
and I had to check on her constantly, making sure this won't happen again. Something seemed odd with that case, though.  
Before that incident and after she gave birth to Abel she appeared to me that she would quit the drugs and that she really wanted to change.  
I knew that look in her eyes pretty well. But I didn't know how to confront her with my suspicions.  
That wasn't my job anyway and I didn't want to ruin this career, too. So I just let it be. For now. First I needed to know what was going on with Tara.

After work I waited in the entrance for her to come. While standing there I looked outside recognizing a dark red wagon which I spotted there 3 days in a row.  
I wouldn't even notice but I thought the color was so ugly that I had to look.  
I chuckled to myself. I would never get why people drive cars. Especially such silly ones.

Tara finally rushed to me. "Sorry, I was stuck in a dumb conversation with Gemma." She rolled her eyes.  
"Something bad?" I asked her pulling her into a quick hug. "No. Just some of her occasionally threats. So then, let's go and find out if your bike can be fixed."  
"Of course it can be!" I nearly yelled, my eyes in shock. But Tara just laughed.  
"Hey, don't tease me with my bike. That's a sensitive topic. It's like my baby. Nobody teases me with my baby." I pouted.  
"And besides, you know that I simply could have called TM and make them get my bike at my house. No need for you to drive me there."  
She knew what I was hinting at. "Jax has nothing to do with it." She defended herself.  
"I just think a personal consulting is better. And I want the best for my friend." She put on a fake smile.  
"Ha! A likely story"

* * *

When we entered the parking lot of TM I could no better than gape. Standing there all in line, there were those beautiful babies.  
All Harleys, all pretty as newborn kittens. I stood there for a while in admiration when Tara's voice brought me back.  
"Oh Jesus. Shall I wait till your mooneyes grow to normal size?"  
"You didn't tell me that this is heaven!" I boped her with a big grin on my face.  
Jax, who was sitting on a bench near the clubhouse came over to us, noticing the goofy look on my face.  
He embraced Tara for greeting and reached me a hand.

"Hey, it's Ella, right? You ride, too?"  
"Hi. Yes and hell yes!" I nodded confidently. But Jax didn't really take me seriously and just giggled.  
"What's so funny, pretty boy?" I raised an eyebrow and Tara seemed surprised at my sudden cockiness.  
"Don't you think a pretty girl like me can drive a bike? Do you think I am not tough enough? Hm? Tell me, Prince Charming!"  
I gave him a little push. Tara widened her eyes in amusement and my little action lured some of the boys working there to come closer.  
Most of them wearing the same cuts and I guessed this must be the members of SAMCRO. They all looked amused and I sensed that they all took me for a joke.  
 _Oh, how I like to be proved right._

"Easy, honey" Jax still giggled. "So, you're tough then, hm? And think you know all about bikes?" I liked where this is going.  
"Yeah, I'm damn sure!" I told dominantly. Some of the guys were howling but I didn't care.  
"All right. Prove me. I point on 4 of those bikes and you tell me eveything you know about it" He winked at me, pretty sure that I would fail.  
Some guys in the back were laughing pretty loud. "Don't be too hard on her, Jacky Boy!" I could hear one man say. "Make it 3, that's fair, ya know".  
Jax nodded in agreement and the others were still laughing. I turned around to face him.  
A cigarette was hanging lose in his mouth and his black-silver hair were pulled back by his sunglasses.

I wouldn't say that he was very pretty but he had an enormously attractive aura. He smiled shyly and looked at me with a bit of pity.  
And I was sure he didn't want to mock me. I gave him a little smile "Thank you, but I don't need presents."  
He put down his sunglasses and shrugged his shoulders, still with a little grin on his face.

"Well, I came here to get my .. vehicle fixed" I made sure I didn't use the word "bike".  
"Let's make it 5, and I get the repair for free" I reached my hand in Jax's direction. "I like it when girls are bossy" He gave Tara a small smile.  
"Deal!" And we shook our hands.

"Ok, let's go. What about this one?" He pointed at a black trike.  
"You're kiddin'? A Davidson Electra Tri-Glide" His jaw dropped for a moment.  
"Well, make it harder than. That?" "A Dyna Street Bob without its front fairing. Nice one" I smiled as I watched the bike.  
"Thank ya, missy!" The guy with sunglasses shouted and put up hand. I slightly saluted.

"Jax, we can play this game a while longer, or you just admit that you were wrong" I smiled at him as innocent as I could.  
"Oh, never, honey. What about that darling here?" That was really a tough one. I had to think for a few moments which made Jax think that I was insecure.  
"Wanna give up?" He looked down at me with a pout.  
"No, I'm just not sure if that Dyna Super Glide Sport is from 2002 or 2003. But I would say, 2003. Yeah, definitely 2003."

Now the boys around couldn't hold back their surprise. Some of them even applauded. "Guys, we're not finish here!" Jax yelled.  
And I could tell he was being nervous. "Okay, last two. I pick them with closed eyes at the same. Boys, count down from 10."  
I turned around to Tara. She was just shaking her head and grinned. Sure, she thought this was childish. But I absolutely enjoyed it.

"3,2,1!" All the men screamed.  
As I saw which bikes Jax chose a wide grin spread my face. Oh, this was super easy.  
"You ready for your destruction, pretty boy?" I gently tapped Jax' shoulder.  
"Here you go! A beautiful lovely Custom Chopper and a 2008 Harley Davidson Dyna Super Glide with a Twin Cam 96 Pushrod V-twin engine!"

And now everyone was jeering and clapping. "Well, you really fooled me here, lady. But I will be a fair looser." He took a bow.  
"So, what kind of vehicle can we fix for you, for free?" He asked still in his bow.  
"Nah, it's just a flat tyre. On my 1992 Harley Davidson Sportster 883. So nothing too expensive for you." I grinned.  
And now Jax laughed loudly putting me into a big hug. "Yeah, it's good you're in town now" He said.

When the crowd resolved Tara came over to me and Jax. "Well, I gotta go now. You sure can drive home with one of the guys, when they fix your bike at yours.  
If that's okay for you?" She looked at me and Jax. I nodded and Jax beckoned to the guy with sunglasses to come over.  
"Hey, Chibs! Can you drive Ella home and take care of her bike?" The man smiled "Sure. I would be a pleasure."  
Jax and Tara turned around and sat down on a bench talking.

"So, yer Queen of the Bikes, aye?" Now, when I could have a closer look at his face I notice that he had some large scars at each corner of his mouth that went nearly up to his ears. Still he was surrounded by that powerful aura and somehow I felt my legs shaking a little.  
"Well, you could say that. I just love bikes. It never crossed my mind to drive a car. I mean, what do you need it for in California?  
It's always too hot to sit in those moving boxes."  
I shook my head and he laughed deeply. His voice had a nice, comforting sound.  
"I'm Ella, by the way. A friend and colleague of Tara" "Aye, nice to meet ya, Ella. Me name is Filip. But ya can call me Chibs"  
He put his arm around my waist and guided me to the garage. His touch made me crawl a little.  
"And now let's see if we can find a new tyre for yer little bike, rocker girl."

* * *

 **PLEASE FORGIVE ME IF I USE SOME WRONG WORDS.  
ENGLISH IS NOT MY MOTHER TONGUE ;)  
I'M OPEN FOR FEEDBACK :)  
I TOOK MY SOME TIME TO WRITE THAT CHAPTER BECAUSE I'M STILL NOT SURE HOW CLOSE  
I AM GONNA STICK TO THE EVENTS IN THE SERIES.  
DEFINITLY WANT TO PUT KOHN IN HERE.  
WHAT DO YOU THINK? ;)**


	4. Bonding

When we were driving to my house I couldn't stop smiling. This actually has been the best day since I moved to Charming.  
The little game with Jax was fun and I couldn't remember that I've laughed so much for a couple weeks.  
Another reason why I my smile didn't broke was because I was driving with Chibs to my house to finally get my bike fixed.  
On our way we chatted a little about bikes and stuff.  
"Tell me Chibs, what's the deal about Sons of Anarchy? You're like a gang or something?"  
I was curious about it. I never got to know any club of that sort in L.A Not sure if there even was one.  
His grin mixed with what I would describe as concern.  
"Okay, Ella. We have to make some things clear here. First, don't call us a "gang". That sounds like we are a bad thing, ya know.  
And second, don't believe anything people tell about us. They know shite. Ya haven't been here long enough to know Charming well."  
That sounded serious. Though Chibs gave me a little smile I couldn't stop thinking about his words.  
As he looked me in the eyes he noticed the little worry I had in my mind.

"Hey, listen. We won't hurt ya. And we're no dangerous, missy. We just have kind of our own rules. I mean, that's what "Anarchy" stands for."  
I began to smile. I didn't know what to do with his explanation but the worry I felt before immediately went away.  
Something in his words comforted me. "Yeah, I think I understand. Don't trust anybody, as long as it is your club. Acutally sounds kinda nice to me. Having people around that you trust completely."  
I looked out of the window with dreamy eyes as we drove into my street. I missed the feeling of belonging somewhere.  
"Aye, the let's fix it" Chibs said and jumped out of the car. I followed.

The tyre was changed in about 20 minutes and as Chibs wanted to go back to the car and leave I stopped him.  
"Hey, do you want to come in for a coffee or so. I could cook something. I mean, I had this deal with Jax and now you come over to work here for free. That's not fair to me" He seemed to be happy about my words.  
Watching him standing there next to the car made my legs shake a little. Something about him fascinated me but I couldn't tell what it was.  
"Yeah, I would love to. Think I can spend some time here before going back to TM. Thank ya, missy."  
He came over a give me a slight kiss on the cheek which made my heart stop for a beat.

"As we entered the kitchen I went over to the coffee machine and he sat down at the table looking around.  
His eyes stopped at a poster of an XL1200X Forty-Eight. He chuckled "Ye really obsessive with bikes, huh? Don't get me wrong. I like it when girls are interested in that field. It's not so common in Charming, though. May I ask where this love comes from?"  
I came over and placed two cups with coffee on the table.  
"My brother was really into that stuff." I started smiling, thinking of him. "He was my hero. So I wanted to be as close to him as I could. That's when I started to became "obsessive"". Actually the Sportster was his first bike and he gave it to me for my 18th birthday. I know it's a little old-fashioned and the fixing costs are higher than it's actual value. But it would break my heart if I had to bring it to a scrap yard."  
I turned away when I realized that my eyes filled with tears. "Sorry, it's just .. just a sensitive topic for me."

Chibs took my hand in his and softly rubbed his thumb over it. "What happened to yer bro?" He asked in a calm voice.  
"He died in an accident a few months after my birthday." I was surprised at how easily I told Chibs about it. Even Tara didn't know.  
"I'm sorry. He sure would be proud of his biker sister." He softly smiled at me winking. I laughed and wiped away the tears.  
"Bike?" He asked in one word.  
"Nah. Wrong place, wrong time. Wrong system of justice." I didn't want to talk about it anymore and changed the topic.  
"So, what does a Scotsman do in California?"

We chatted for about an hour. Chibs told me a bit of his IRA history and how he came to Charming. We talked about music, films and such stuff.  
It felt good to speak with someone who wasn't Tara. Of course I liked her. But it was pleasant to listen to another voice once in a while.  
And sure, we talked about bikes a lot.  
"Hey, why don't ya come over tomorrow or wheneva ya have time to look at some bikes. At the moment we restore an old Panhead.  
I mean, if yer interested. I'm sure ya know more about those babies that some of our guys do."  
He looked at me with this shy grin that he tossed me at my game with Jax. It was dazzling. All I could do was smile back at him."Yeah, that sounds awesome! Sure this is okay?"  
"Aye, you're under my protection. I'm sure you don't get involved into a gang fight." He smirked as he was teasing me.

During the next weeks I visited TM quite often. Everytime I was driving there with my Sportster some of the guys were taking a bow in front of me.  
My win in the game with Jax obviously made some impression. I even got to know some of the guys better.  
I was so happy that I could finally find a place in Charming where I had time for my "hobby". And too, I was happy to see Chibs more often  
He, unlike some other guys, gave me the feeling that I wasn't a little girl who wanted to play tough. He even asked me for advise sometime.

"Ay, shite! I forgot the keys to that Ranger Rover in the office." Chibs yelled one day. His hands and most of his face was covered in oil.  
I caught myself starring at him for several minutes.  
With his sweaty white tank and his cut, his skin sweaty and dirty, he was a clishee of a sexy mechanic.  
God, this man had something.  
I was so in trance that I didn't realize he was talking to me.  
"Hey, yer dreamin'?" His dark brown eyes caught mine. "Eh, what?" I blinked my eyes a few times, pushed myself back to reality.  
"I asked if ya could go to the office and grab them for me."  
"Yeah, yeah. Sure." I jumped up and quickly left the room before he could notice that I my cheeks blushed. How embarassing!  
I did not come here to start having a girly crush on someone who could be a true friend.

I got to the office and opened the door.  
"Excuse me. Is it ususal in L.A to come in without knocking?" Gemma stood up from behind her desk and watched me over her glasses.  
Shit! I totally forgot about her. Since I've started to come over regularly she always met me with disrespect and disdain but I mostly avoided her.  
"Oh, I'm sorry! I just wanted to bring Chibs the keys to the blue Range Rover. I said they would be here."  
"Hhm." Gemma nodded critically. She turned around to and searched for they keys in several boxes.  
As she was handing the keys over to me, she grasped my lower arm, stopping me from moving.

"Listen, Miss Hollywood. I don't know you and I don't like you walking around here like a goddamn princess, distracting my boys and prevent them from work. You watch your steps." She glanced at me with firey eyes.  
I sighed loudly. "Look, Gemma. I've no idea why you giving me such a hard time. I didn't do anything, just helping with some bikes.  
Maybe if you would stop confronting me with your hate you would get a chance to know me. I don't wanna cause any trouble.  
I just like it here. And for sometime I just liked the feeling of being part of something.  
Without thinking, those words just fell out of my mouth.  
I haven't planned to be so upright with her but I was sick of playing hide and seek.  
She let go of my arm, gave me the keys and went silently back to her seat, looking down at some papers.  
As I wanted to leave the room I heard her clearing her throat.  
"This Saturday. 10.00a.m. You help out to do the child-makeup-booth. You wanna be part than you better come."  
My eyes opened wide in shock and surprise. Without turning around and said "I'll come" and left the office.

As I came back to Chibs and put the keys silently in his hand he noticed the stunned look in my face. "Ya saw a ghost, missy?"  
He wiped his hands on a dirty towel and put his hand on my shoulde.  
"Eh, no. Gemma just asked me to help at the fundraiser." Chibs chuckled, as did the other guys in the garage.  
"Seems that ya broke the ice." He went back to the car and I sat down, still not understanding what just happened.

* * *

"Hey, you comin' to that fundraiser this Saturday? Gemma wants to me help her. Do you believe that?"  
I ran over to Tara who just came out of her office. She seemed puzzled and was shaking a little. "You're fine?"  
A tall man with grey hair came out of her office right after her and went past us. Tara turned her face away the second the guy came out.  
"Ehm. Yeah. Just a little tired. That nightshift yesterday killed me." She faked a smile.  
"Who was that?" I pointed down the way the man took.  
"Just a.. a patient. Sorry, what did you say before?" I knew she was hiding something but I was sure she didn't want to talk about it. "The fundraiser this Saturday. Gemma asked me to help her. Well, she didn't asked. It was more a command."  
I smiled, trying to overcome the awkward tension.  
"Wow! That's news. Well, it had to happen sooner or late. You're at TM quite often. And you couldn't hide from Queen Bee that much longer. Just watch out, please. This woman means trouble.  
"Yeah. I'll be careful." I nodded. "So, you're going there?"  
"Maybe, yes." Again, she faked a smile. She still seemed a bit out of her mind.  
"Please, you have to!" I begged like a toddler. "I need protection from Miss De Vil." Tara had to laugh about that nickname.  
"Okay, I'll come. But what about Chibs? I think he's a better bodyquard than I am." She threw me a childish grin.  
I knew what she was referring to.  
"Oh no. He's a really nice guy and I like being around him. Like I like being around TM or around you. Nothing's going on there."  
I raised my hand like a boy.  
"And he's not coming. Has to do some club business."  
I didn't ask him what that meant. I was sure that some illegal activities were involved but to be honest I didn't care.

* * *

"Tara said she was gonna meet me at the fundraiser. So I had to face Gemma all alone.  
She was preparing some food at her booth when I showed up.  
"Wow, now we got some Hollywood Glam around here." I knew she tried to mock me but I just swallowed.  
"Yeah, hi. Where do you want me to go?" I wanted to keep that conversation as short as possible.  
"It's over there." She pointed to a small tent between some other booths. I nodded and went over there.

"Hey, hey. Biker girl? You finally wanna take a ride with me?"  
I could hear Tig's voice as he was coming by with Bobby, dressed as Elvis.  
"Not even if you were the last man standing, Tigster." I threm him a cocky smile. He pouted a little.  
Over the past few weeks we built something like a love-hate with him asking pervert questions and me rebuffing him.  
"Sorry, love. I would kill him for you but I don't want to ruin my Blue Suede Shoes." Bobby said and made some Elvis moves.  
"Thanks. But I can deal with him. You have fun, and don't be lonesome tonight." I giggled and Bobby placed a kiss on my cheel.  
"You're allright, girl." Then they both made their way.

As I prepared the colorful makeup I spotted Tara. She wandered around, probably searching for me, when suddenly she stopped in the middle of the way, her eyes in shock. She turned on her heels and rushed away.  
I tried to make up the point that she looked at and then I saw him. The tall guy who was coming out of Tara's office the other day.  
He was standing behind the grill of the Charming P.D's.  
I ran over to Gemma who was speaking to Chef Unser, a middle-aged, nearly bold man.  
"Hey, sorry to interrupt. But do you know this guy over there?" I nodded my head in his direction.  
"Yeah, I was gonna ask the same. Wayne?" Gemma eyed me with curiosity.  
"That's our new best friend. Agent Kohn. A.T.F." Unser answered, eating his chili.  
"The fed looking into the club is grilling sausages?"  
I didn't feel well around her talking about things concerning the club. Yes, I heard of the ATV investigations of the club.  
But I simply didn't care. I was just there for the bikes and I didn't want to get involved in things I had no idea of.  
"Must be a part of his special federal training. Well, I'll leave you two then. That's a good chili, Gemma."  
She just nodded and watched Agent Kohn.  
As I wanted to go back to my booth she faced me and said "Ella, I think we had a bad start. I'm sure you've heard what's going on with the club and A.T.F. And I wanna make sure that you know who to trust.  
You know, sometimes the people with the most influence or the higher prestige in common society are the ones with the most dirt under their carpet."  
I giggled at her expression. "Oh yeah. I do know that very well. And it's the club I trust."  
Gemma smiled at me. "Well, maybe you're not that bad, Little Miss Sunshine."  
I returned the smile. Somehow I began to like Gemma

"I observed Agent Kohn from my booth. He chatted with some people, laughed and made the impression to be pretty self-assured.  
When I watched him go over to his car I couldn't believe it. He drove that shitty dark red wagon I saw at the hospital several days ago. What was going on with that guy?

When I discovered Jax in the crowd I went over to him with concern.  
"Hey. Would you do me a favor and keep an eye on Tara? I thinks something is going on with that guy over there."  
I pointed at Kohn who was about to enter his car.  
"I'm not sure what it is but I have a strange feeling. He seems to follow her."  
Jax tensed his Jaw and squinted his eyes. "Yeah, I will. He was watching me and Abel yesterday at St. Thomas."  
"Wait. What?" My body filled with anger and clenched my fists. This guy meant trouble, I was sure.  
"Relax. I'll take care of it. I have a strange feeling, too. Thanks you for telling me."  
He hugged me tightly. "It's good to know that someone else cares for her, too."


	5. Telling

**Hey Guys :)**  
 **Thank you for following my story and for the wonderful reviews.**  
 **I am really sorry that it takes so long to push the Chibs-Ella-"Thing" forward.**  
 **Ella is a quite complex woman with her problems and I want you to get to know her**  
 **better first.**  
 **I've got the feeling that she needs to connect with some other characters (like Tara and Gemma) first before something is gonna happen between those two.**  
 **So please, forgive me ;)**

 **And If you have some ideas for Ella or the story, don't hesitate to send me a PM.**  
 **I love to hear what you guys feel should happen.**  
 **I only have a haunch of how the story will continue, since I write only chapter by chapter.**

 **Ok, enough!**  
 **Enjoy the next chapter :)**

 **And of course, all SOA-Characters belong to the wonderful, amazing Kurt Sutter.**

* * *

The last month was shaped by several events. Few pleasant, most of them unpleasant.  
Tara and I grew closer together and one day she finally told me about her history with Agent Kohn.  
"Back in Chicago I dated him. It didn't end well, though. Josh, he has a very .. dominating personality.  
It went so far that I had to issue an restraining order."  
I nodded in shock. "Jesus Christ, Tara! Did he hurt you? But he's not allowed to be here. We have to tell Hale, or Unser."  
I searched in my bag for my phone, my hands shaking. I knew this man was trouble.  
It would be inexcusable if something would happen to Tara.

"Hey, stop." She softly placed her hands on mine, holding them from shaking.  
"There is nothing I can do. The restraining order was for Chicago. But we're in Charming. And he is her for federal work.  
Apparently federal law prevails local law. But don't worry, Jax will keep me safe."  
Since the last weeks those two became really close.  
Sometimes he drove her home after work or she came to the clubhouse with him.  
I didn't know what the two were, and I doubt that they knew it themselves.  
But as far as I could see it, they would make a good couple.

"I don't want anything bad happen to you, you know." My voice was filled with sadness.  
"I'll be fine, I promise. Thank you for caring." She threw me a little smile.  
"Speaking of Jax. He'll pick me up soon. I'll go, meet him at the entrance. What are you planning after work?"  
"Not much. Chibs will come over and hand me some old Harley Magazines."  
I had to grin, thinking of him.  
"Tell me, Ella. What is going on between you two? He visits you quite a lot the last weeks.  
Anything I need to know?" Her mouth formed a little smirk and she raised an eyebrow.  
"As I said. We're just friends. It's not my fault that you are not a motorcycle enthusiast."  
I laughed and she joined in. "Hm. Yeah, friends. Keep telling you that."  
And then she went away.

Yes, it was true. Chibs and I spent a lot of time together, when he didn't do any club business and I had no nightshifts.  
Mostly he came over to chat a little. About bikes, work and such things. Sometimes I cooked for us.  
Though he wasn't impress the first time. When I told him I was a vegetarian he wasn't amused. But at least he tried.  
"Jesus, yer killing me." He used to say then. "I'm a badass biker, sucking a piece of tofu."  
"I won't tell anyone." And then we laughed.  
It was nice having him around. I felt comfortable and safe around him. I didn't even have a problem of wearing some baggy garments around him and being without make-up.

* * *

When I heard his Dyna outside I was in the middle of a cooking session.  
With one hand I tried to squeeze half a lemon, while with the other I switched the sites of the cookbook.  
Even my feet did some work, when I had to close the over, where a self-made bread was ready to be baked.  
So I didn't come to the door as I heard his knocking and simply said "Come in!".

From behind I could here him chuckle. Probably I made a hilarious picture.  
"Stop giggling, and help me here!" I commanded. "And wash your dirty hands first."  
"Bloody hell, ya sound like my ma." Still chuckling he went over to the sink, washing away the oil of his hands.  
When he finished he came over to me, placing his hands beside me on the work surface, trapping me between them.  
He leaned over my shoulder to get a look at the cookbook.  
His face was very close to mine and I could smell his scent, a mix of tobacco and aftershave. It was numbing.  
My pulse rose and I got a weak feeling in my stomach.  
As he spoke I felt his breath at my cheek. "So, what healthy hell yer preparing here?"  
It took me some seconds to answer.  
Though we were just friends I couldn't shake of the attracting effect he had on me.  
"A sweet potato chili with Ella-made ciabatta." I smiled proudly.  
Chibs just nodded. "Sounds interestin. What do ya want me to do? Pickin' up some blades of grass in the garden for dessert?"  
I threw him frowned gaze. "With that comment you just won the prize of chopping the onions. Congratulations!"  
He liked to tease me with my diet but I made sure I paid him back.

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry." Still standing behind me he gave me a slight kiss on my cheek, covering the corner of my mouth with his as well.  
"Thank you for providing me." Chibs whispered in my ear and then turned away to grab a chopping board and a knife.  
I stood still for a few moments. What the hell just happened?  
Did he even recognize that he nearly kissed me on the mouth?  
I brushed aside the many questions in my head and continued cooking.

"So, how was work?" I asked him as we were eating.  
"Fine, as always, missy." He smiled. Somehow I liked when he named me that.  
"Though there was a little incident with Gemma."  
He looked down, not sure if he should tell me.  
"She, uh, she found out that Clay shagged a crow-eater when we were in Nevada for the patch-over with the devil's tribe  
. I mean, we were outta town. Somethin' like this happens time to time. But she's really upset about it."  
I didn't know what to think of that. Sure, I knew what the deal was about the crow-eaters.  
I just never thought that it was "okay" to fuck around when you had an Old Lady back home.

"Jesus. SAMCRO and women, I will never get that." I chuckled a little, but I also was worried about Gemma.  
"Shall I go, talk to her?" He shook his head, smiling slightly.  
"Nah, I dunno. I'm not quite sure if I should've tell ya this. I don't wanna unleash the wrath of Mamma Gemma."  
"I'm sure she needs to speak to someone. Someone without a penis, for instance.  
God, I'll drive there. And don't worry 'bout the wrath."  
I said, touching his hand.  
I kept it there when I asked him "Hey, why did you even tell me if you weren't sure?"  
He put his free hand on top of mine, stroking it with his thumb.  
"'Cause I really do like you, Ella."  
We looked deep into each others eyes and for moments none of us broke the silence.  
I couldn't stand that tension anymore. First the "almost-kiss", now that.  
What was happening?

I jumped up to end that intimate moment. "I should get there now, I guess."  
Still a bit confused I ran outside, grabbing my bag and helmet and got on my bike, leaving Chibs behind in my house.  
In my side-mirror I could see him standing on my porch, as confused as I was.

* * *

Finally at TM I knocked at the office door. "Come in." I heard Gemma say with a weak voice.  
As I stepped into the room she looked at me, her eyes covered with sunglasses, probably to hide that they were swollen.  
"What can I do for you, honey?" She gave me a little smile.  
I sat down at the couch and faced her, not quite sure what to say.  
"Hm, I heard what happened." My voice was shaking a little.  
"And what did you hear then, and from whom?" She raised her eyebrows trying to hide her hurt pride.  
I sighed. "Look, Gemma. We can try playing hide & seek here, or you just for once try to open up a little.  
Chibs told me about Nevada and what Clay did. And before you try to rip his ass apart, consider talking about it with someone first. Maybe this could help."

For a few moments she was silent and I could see her trying to find an insulting comment. I did not stop looking at her, offering an honest smile.  
The way she sat there, heartbroken, made me sad and I just wanted to comfort her. Though we had our difficulties, I still cared about her.

Suddenly she broke out in tears. I didn't expect that.  
"This fucking asshole! I don't get wet anymore and he just jumps on the youngest pussy he could find. I don't deserve that shit!"  
The words just fell out of her mouth like a waterfall. I wanted to hug her so I stood up, walking towards her place.  
"Oh no. Don't get me that girly-talk thing. You want me to help deal with this shit? Then, honey, you drink with me till we don't even know how dicks look like."  
For a moment I stopped, then I broke out into loud laughter. Gemma joined me.  
"Allright, that's fine with me. I'll meet you at your place at 9, bringing my best friend, Jim Beam."  
"That's what I was talking about." She stood up and then, finally, hugged me.  
"Thank you." She whispered in my ear.

* * *

"And then there 'as this dude. 'Is dick 'as like a pickle. Ha!"  
After a hand full shots we were very tipsy and reached that point in a conversation were we shared our amorous escapades.  
"Whataya do with 'im?" Gemma asked loudly, still tears in her eyes of laughing.  
"Nya, I shagged him, anyway. Better bad sex, then no sex!" I grinned and hiccuped.  
"You dirty slut! Drink a shot." She poured me the Beam.  
This really was a fun evening, and though we didn't talk much about Clay, I had the feeling, that Gemma needed this.

"So, tell me, you sweeeeet little thing." She said pointing at me.  
"What's that between you and the Scotsman? I know the way you look at 'im. You're in looooove." She really was tipsy, but so was I.  
"No, I'm naaht." I yelled. "We're just really, really, really goood friends. I like him much.  
He's a good one. Nice, funny, understanding. Friends, not more."  
I nodded my head heavily with every word.  
But Gemma didn't seem convinced. "Hm, yeah, sure. Try talk yourself into believing that, darlin'. But the way you look at him, that's more than friendship."  
"Let's stop talkin' 'bout men. It's Ladies Night, and we definitely need to have some more shots!"  
I really didn't want to think about what Gemma just said.  
I knew that there was some truth in her words, but I couldn't admit that. I simply didn't need any more drama.  
The friendship with Chibs was precious and I didn't want to ruin that with a trivial calf love.

* * *

It must've been way over 2 a.m. And I definitely was not in the shape of riding my bike.  
"Gemma, can .. I stayova ? I honestly don' think it's a .. eh .. good idea to drive."  
The alcohol worked its way through my brain, slowing my tongue and my ability to walk straight.  
"I called you a cab, baby." She smiled at me, seeming not to be so affected by the alcohol. That woman surely knew how to outdrink people.  
"Uh, I love ya, Mama Gemma." I hugged her gawky nearly falling of my chair.  
In the distance I could hear the rattling noise of a motorcycle.  
Gemma jumped up and lifted me from the chair.  
"And there it is. Don't do anythin' I wouldn't do." She stroke some hair strands out of my face and pinched me in the cheeks.

I stood there in total confusion, not knowing what was going on.  
There was a soft knock at the door and Gemma already was on her way to open it.  
And when I turned around, through my glazed eyes, I could see him standing there.  
"Ay, lil' party girl. Gemma told me ya could use a ride home."  
At this moment, I was pissed at Gemma that she called him and very grateful for her doing it at the same time.


	6. Realizing

**I'm really sorry for letting you wait on another chapter.**  
 **Last week was quite busy with working and studying.**  
 **And to be honest, I wasn't sure how to write that chapter.**  
 **Actually this was the first time I wrote "kinky" stuff and I didn't want to screw up completely.**  
 **So please, let me know what you think of it! :)**

 **Thank you for your positive reviews and advice.**  
 **Of course, I'm looking forward to read more of those ;)**

 **And thank you for following/favoring this story.**  
 **That really encourages me to update as fast as possible.**

 **I hope you have fun with this chapter.**  
 **So then, let the nasty part begin! ;)**

* * *

I wrapped my arms tightly around Chibs on the way to my house. Although still a bit tipsy from my drinking session with Gemma,  
I was still able to uphold myself and to sit on the back off the motorcycle.  
The feeling of his body pressed onto my chest and between my thighs made me dizzy and somehow I wanted more of it.  
 _Fuckin' Jim Beam_. It makes you do things, you gonna regret the next day.  
But right at this moment, I didn't think about the next day.

I pressed my body tighter to his back, squeezing my full breasts against him.  
My hands slowly wandered from his chest down to his thighs, caressing them in a needy way.  
When my fingers gradually moved to his inner thighs I could feel him moaning.  
I so desperately wanted this ride to be over and do really bad things to him.  
Right now I desired him so much and I pushed all the doubts I had in my head aside.  
In the distance I could see my house and excitedly bit my lower lip impatiently.

When he finally parked his bike I jumped off the bike, rapidly opening the closure of my helmet and taking it off.  
I stood before him, aroused and ready, breathing heavily.  
He got off the bike and turned towards me. In his dark brown eyes I could see the lust.  
"What was that?" he breathed quickly, obviously turned on by the ride.  
"Just figurin' somethin' out." I whispered.  
We stood there for a moment, starring into each others eyes.  
I wasn't sure if I could take it to the next level.  
"I want ya, missy." He purred and raggedly took a step forward, placing his hands on my cheeks and hungrily placed his lips onto mine.  
I answered his kiss by biting his lower lip. My hands buried in his hair.  
"I want you, too, Filip" I gasped.

We rushed to the door but before I could open it I felt his hands all around me.  
He entwined my arm with his hand and twisted me around so I could face him.  
With a deep kiss he pressed my back at the door.  
While I could feel his tongue swirling around mine he grabbed my hips and lifted me up.  
I swung my legs around his waists, feeling his hard dick at my crotch.  
My fingers dug into his back as he was pushing me against the door.  
The feeling of him rubbing his hardness at me made me hot and I moaned a little as he was softly biting my exposed neck.

"God, Chibs. You wanna do this out here?" I said between some heavy breaths.  
He grinned at me seductively. "Why not, missy?"  
While holding me upright with one hand his other searched it's way to my breast under my shirt  
He harshly, but gently, squeezed it and when he softly massaged my nipple with his thumb I couldn't take it anymore.  
I fumbled around at my back searching for the door knob and when I finally found it we nearly fell into my entrance.  
"No public show." I grunted. "Bed." The arouse I felt just let me get out a few words.  
With him holding me like that, kissing me like I haven't been kissed in a long time, I wanted him more than ever.

He carried me to my bedroom, grabbing my ass while on our way, and placed me on the bed. I looked up to him.  
His black-silver hair was all messed up and his face was all shiny.  
Sitting there before him, I started to rapidly loosen his belt and pulling down his stonewashed jeans and boxers.  
Right before me there was his hard, perfect, dick.  
I made eye contact with him as I licked sensually over my lips and slowly opened them to kiss the tip.  
Then I came closer with my head, sucking all of him with my mouth.  
"Christ, Ella!" he cried out and buried his hands in my black hair  
I constantly sped-up, but before he could come Chibs gently pulled my head away.  
"Ya wanna have fun, too, right?" he smirked and lifted me up, quickly pulling my shirt over my head.  
He placed a deep kiss on my mouth and unzipped my bra in one move.

Softly he pushed me onto the bed and kneeled over me, taking off his cut and shirt and placing it on the floor.  
I marveled at his naked body, covered with lots of ink. _Gosh, this guy was heaven!  
_ He unzipped my pants and pulled it off, together with my panty.  
Chibs smiled down at me, liking what he saw. I opened my legs inviting him to enter me.  
He came closer, placing a kiss on my collarbone and slowly moved downwards. He stopped at my breasts and gently sucked at my nipples which made me groan.  
With soft kisses he made his way down. As he reached my hip bones, he wrapped his arms around my thighs, pulling me closer to his face.  
Before I could make a sound, he parted his lips and let his tongue caress my vulva.  
"Oh, fuck!" I stuttered.  
I became really wet as he began sucking my clit hungrily. My body shook under his sensual activities.  
I moved my hips uncontrollable against his wet mouth longing for more.

Still giving me pleasures with his mouth he slowly put one, then two, fingers into me, deeply penetrating my pussy.  
I cried out his name and before I was about to see stars I grabbed his hair and pulled him up to my face.  
"I wanna come when you're in me." I whispered in his ear, nibbling his earlobe.  
He smiled and jumped up, searching for his pants on the floor and fumbling in his pockets. He got out a condom and hectically put it on.  
"Safety first, darlin':" He said smiling and then he went back to me, kneeing between my thighs.

The power of his hard cock, entering me, hit me hard and I groaned loudly.  
He rammed me into the mattress and I had to concentrate not to come immediately.  
When he placed my leg on his shoulder he sank deeper into me. With every push he moaned loudly and I knew that he soon was about to reach his climax.  
With one hand I pulled him closer to me, harshly placing a wet kiss on his mouth.  
I could taste his sweat and licked my lips. My other hand went down between us, reaching for my clitoris.  
"Jeysus Christ, that's hot." He moaned as I played with myself, still penetrating me hard. He sped up and I started moving my hand quicker.  
I could feel a fire pooling in my abdomen. "Fuck, I'm comin'!" I screamed and my body tensed, pushing my hips harder to him.  
Then it was like shock-waves went through my body and my visions faded black.  
Only seconds after me, Chibs tensed all his muscles and then let out a load groan as he relaxed and lay down on top of me.  
We lay like this for a few moments, both of us breathing heavily.  
Then he pulled himself out of me carefully and went to the bathroom.  
I fell asleep exhausted and happy.

* * *

As I woke up the next day I took me some seconds to realize where I was.  
 _Gemma crying. Pouring some shots. We both sitting in her kitchen laughing. The dizzy feeling of alcohol. Chibs driving me home. His naked body.  
_ All these images flickered before my eyes. _I had sex with Chibs!  
_ I straightened up in shock, a strong headache kicking in. As I looked around I saw him lying next to me.  
He was still asleep and snoring a little.  
"Shit!" I whispered.

Silently I got up, picked out a black jeans, a "Harley Davidson" shirt and a red cardigan of my closet and sneaked out of my bedroom into the bathroom.  
I looked in the mirror to check my messy hair and face. My skin was oily and my mascara was everywhere, except for my lashes. In short, I looked like shit.  
I didn't want to wake Chibs and to have one of those embarrassing "the morning-after"-talks.  
So I decided against a shower and for a quick wash.  
With some light make-up I tried to hide the dark rings under my eyes and I pinned my hair behind my ears. Sure, I had looked better, but it could've be worse.  
On tiptoes I left the bathroom and quickly plodded to the living room, where I grabbed my bag.  
I could hear sounds coming from my bedroom. Chibs probably was awake.  
I hectically put on my biker boots and ran out of the door. I searched for the keys to my bike in my pocket. _Shit!_ I left it at Gemma's.  
As fast as I could I run around the next corner and hid.  
At the moment there was just one person I wanted to see and talk with.  
I waited for a few moments and made sure Chibs wasn't following me.  
Then I headed to the next bus station and took a bus to Tara's.

* * *

"So, what's up?" Tara asked with a concerned look on her face. We sat in her kitchen drinking coffee.  
"You're looking puzzled." she added and softly touched my arm.  
I nodded in agreement. "Oh, you have no idea! I don't know where to start." Shaking my head, I took a large sip.  
"Try the beginning." She smiled gently. And so I began talking nineteen to the dozen.  
"Well, fine. So yesterday Chibs came over to hand me the magazines. And we had a little small talk about our day, you know.  
Then he told me, that Clay hooked up with a chick, while they were at this patch-over-thing in Nevada. And Gemma somehow found out and, of course, was really upset.  
I probably shouldn't tell you this, I guess. Well, now the cat is out of the bag. They'll probably working that shit out.  
Anyway, I drove there, making sure Gemma was alright. She's not my favorite person but I thought it would be nice to offer her a talk.  
Since there ain't much girls around with whom she could talk.  
So, anyway, she didn't want to talk, but invited me over to "drink the pain away", or some kinda shit. And then..."  
"Wait, slow down, what? You lost me here. Gemma invited you over? To get wasted?." Tara's expression told that she was confused.  
And if I heard that story I would be, too, I guess. "Uh, yeah. In retrospect that sounds strange. And it was strange. But on the other hand awkwardly fun."  
"As long as you prefer me over her, everything's fine." She winked and grinned a little.  
I brought a little smile to my face but I was so eager to tell her happened with Chibs that it was just a half-hearted smile.  
"I do. But actually that is not the part I wanted to tell you. This is all introduction."  
"Ok, go on, then." She nodded.  
"Well, we drank together and I sure can tell you that this woman can outdrink whole SAMCRO. So, and as it goes we talked about a lot of bullshit.  
Like men, their dicks, the craziest places to have sex bla, bla, bla.  
And she asked me about Chibs and what was going on between us. I told her that there's nothing going on.  
Anyway, I drank maybe a bit too much. Well, not just a bit, okay,  
And I wasn't able to drive back home. So Gemma secretly called Chibs to pick me up.  
Oh Christ, Tara, I get a little clingy when I'm drunk. And he was there. And I like him. And one thing led to another.  
And, shit, I hooked up with him!"  
Tara almost choke on her coffee then burst out into a loud laugh.  
"Wow! It's not like this is such a huge surprise. But it bothers you, why?"

"Tara, I like him. We're friends! Somethin' like that complicates everything. I don't wanna loose him as a friend." I was worried and my voice shook a little.  
"Nah, I don't think you will. It was just a little mistake and I think you'll can forgive yourself. I mean, only if you want that?" Her voice was serious.  
"What do you mean, "if I want that"?"  
"I'm just sayin' that you really like him .. more than just a friend, Ella. So, what's so wrong about admitting that?" She shrugged her shoulders.  
"'Cause I'm not ready to get hurt, Tara. How, do you think, would this work out?  
By day he's dealing guns or killing someone and by night he's coming home to me in our lovely house with garden and two children, and we live happily ever after?  
Maybe this could work for you and Jax, but I am not that naive!"  
I yelled at her, although I didn't want it. I was just so confused about her words that I lost my nerves.  
She was right, I knew. But I couldn't admit the truth. All I wanted was a fresh start, without trouble.  
Tears begin to fill my eyes and I felt so ashamed that I jumped of and quickly ran out.  
"Shit, Ella, I'm sorry!" I heard Tara yell after me. "Yeah, me too." I whispered sobbing.

On my way out I recognized the ugly dark red wagon standing on Tara's street.  
With a straight view to her house. Agent Kohn was sitting in it quickly hiding a reflex camera.  
I rushed to his car and pulled the driver's door open.  
"What the fuck do you want here, weirdo?!" I screamed at him, my eyes filled with anger.  
"Miss Priestly, no need to be rude. Especially to a federal Agent.  
We do not want your arrangement at St. Thomas to end like your internship in L.A, do we?" He said with a smug smile.  
"How do you know my name and about L.A?" I stood there, paralyzed with shock.  
He got out of the car and reared up before me. He was at least a foot larger than me.  
Then he slowly leaned down to me and whispered in my ear.  
"Just making sure Tara doesn't keep company with the wrong kind of people."  
There was a loud "Smack!" when I slapped him in the face him.  
"You stay away from Tara, psycho!"

He raised his hand, ready to hit me, but paused as a male voice sounded.  
"Hey!" I turned around and saw Jax running to where we stood.  
I probably didn't notice the rattling noise of his Dyna due to my condition after my talk with Tara.  
"What's up, darlin'?" He asked me with a worried look.  
"This ATF-prick here is stalking Tara and I was just about to say him that he should piss off!" I yelled at Kohn's direction.  
"Really?" Jax raised his eyebrows, then pulled out a knife of his cut and rammed it into the fron of Kohns ugly wagon. The steam started hissing.

"Vandalism. Deadly Weapon. That's six months in county, asshole." Kohn said calmly.  
"Violating a restraining order. You'll be in a cell right next to him."  
I countered from the back. "I'm sure you know how to suck a dick, asshole."  
"Wow, a badass biker and psycho ex-stripper. God, Tara really sunk low." Kohn still smiled sadistically.  
I turned around, puzzled and angry. How the hell did he know about my past?  
This guy was really diggin' in the dirt to find everything about Tara and the people she was surrounded with.  
"You guys gave it your best shot. You got nothing on SAMCRO." I heard Jax say.  
"And you harassing Tara or raising a hand against Ella, that ends here, or the next time it won't be a piece-of-shit-car I'm draining fluid from."  
"You threatening a federal agent?" Now it was Kohn who spoke.  
"I'm threatening you. Go away, it's my last warning." Then I heard a car door slamming and Kohn in his wagon leaving.

"You alright?" Jax faced me, wiping away some tears I shed with his thumb.  
I nodded. "Yeah, it was just a crazy, rough day." I faked a smile.  
"Hey, what the hell was Kohn talking about just now?" He still hold my face in his hand.  
"Asshole just dug out shit that should've been buried." I said dryly and looked away ashamed.  
"Nothing to worry 'bout, darlin'." He kissed me slightly on the cheek.  
"I'll make sure I'll keep you and Tara safe." He smiled at me and the way he did, I knew he meant what he said.  
"Thank you, Jax." I put my arms tightly around him. He reminded me so much of my brother that it nearly hurt.  
"You should go, check on her. And tell her I'm sorry. I didn't mean it." He looked at me confused.  
"Don't ask why. Told you, it's been a rough day."  
He nodded and then went to Tara's house.

* * *

I was so happy when I finally got to my house. Chibs' Dyna wasn't there anymore, instead my Sportster parked in the drive.  
I smiled slightly and went over to my baby.  
Getting closer I realized a piece of paper that was clamped under the brake lever.  
When I pulled it out I could see that there was something written on it.

 _Morning Missy,  
I just got your Bike from Gemma's.  
Thought you would be quicker with it if you wanted to vanish the next time._

 _I don't know what this was all about but I wanted to tell you_  
 _that it was a great night ;)_

 _Hope to see you soon at TM. You don't need to hide from me._  
 _Nothing's gonna change between you and me,if that's what you're afraid of._

 _Love, Chibs_

Relief and disappointment hit me the same time.  
Sure, I was relieved that Chibs didn't make a big deal out of our night.  
But on the other hand I was disappointed that obviously it was just an usual One-Night-Stand for him.  
I suddenly felt used and dirty.  
Did I just end up like a crow-eater?


	7. Threatening

**I'm sorry that it took me so long to update.**  
 **I have a little writer's block at the moment.**  
 **And I kinda lost track of how this story will continue.**  
 **Maybe you got any ideas?**  
 **And what do you do when you have a writer's block?**  
 **Please, let me know.**

 **So, that's why I'm not absolutely content with this chapter.**  
 **But I owe you that you get another one ;)**  
 **19 Followers?! That's amazing!**  
 **Thank you so much :)**

* * *

I was woken up in the early morning by my ringing phone. _Jesus Christ, who the hell is that?  
_ With blurred eyes I could decipher Chibs' name on the display. Angrily I pressed the answer button.  
"Any idea how late it is? It's my free day." I growled.  
"Sorry missy. We got kinda situation here. Ya need to come immediately with medical tools. It's an emergency.  
We sent Jax to get Tara last night but they didn't show up."  
I didn't quite understand what he just said. Confused I wiped my eyes. "What's going on, Filip?"  
On the other side of the line I could hear him hesitate. "Uh, well, someone's been shot. And it's not lookin' good."  
"Jesus! Okay, I'll drive to St. Thomas first and grab some things. I'll be there as soon as I can.  
You've everything under control til I'll come?" I asked with worry in my voice.  
"Yeah, sure, love. My medical skills aren't just enough to patch him up completely."  
"Well, let's hope mine are." I had to smile a little for the trust he had in my skills. But I wasn't sure if I could handle it.  
And where the hell was Tara? With an uneasy feeling I drove to St. Thomas.

When I arrived at the clubhouse all eyes were scanning me. Especially the president of SAMCRO, Clay, looked at me like I didn't belong here.  
I felt like an intruder. Well, I _really_ didn't belong here.  
Walking around TM and watching the bikes was something different than being involved in club stuff. But now I was here.  
From behind I could hear screams of pain. "My arse!" a man was shouting. From his accent I could tell that he was Irish.  
I stood there in the entrance, clumsy and insecure. I still didn't know what the hell was going on.  
I was glad when Gemma came to me and hugged me. "You should go to church and help Chibs patching up the Irish, honey."  
Gemma pointed to a room in the back. I sighed deeply. This all just felt so wrong.  
I let out a quiet "yeah" and rushed to the room, that was called "church".

The scene I was faced with remembered me of a cheap action movie.  
There was a man lying on a wooden table. He was barely conscious and his body, mainly his lower back was covered in blood.  
All around him there were some bottles of Whiskey, most of them nearly empty, and I was pretty sure that these were meant to be "pain killers".  
Chibs and Juice were standing above the man, Juice's hand placed somewhere near his ass, and I guessed that's were the wound was.  
Probably he tried to stop the bleeding with his fingers.  
This whole scenery looked like a battlefield.  
It seemed so surreal and it took me some seconds to get back to reality.

"Oh shit! What the hell?" was all I could say a this moment.  
Chibs turned around and smiled at me, probably relieved to see me.  
"Cameron Hayes. He was shot twice in his Irish arse. We already got one slug out. But it probably hit a major femoral artery. It's good yer here, missy."  
I breathed a few times and tried to focus. I had so many questions in my mind, but it wasn't the right time to ask them this moment.  
Now, it was more important to save Cameron's life.  
I fumbled in my bag and grabbed out a small box and handed it over to Chibs.  
"Here's some vancomycin. This'll kill anything. Give him two now and then one every four hours. That's probably more useful than Jameson."  
Chibs chuckled a little and I could do nothing but smile at him, too.  
Despite all the stress that was going on right in this moment and the strange feeling in my stomach because of our little adventure,  
I was just happy to see him again.  
It sounded silly, but besides Tara he was the only constant I had here in Charming.

I winked at Chibs. "Alright. Let's get this bitch of a slug out of his ass, then." I put on some gloves, rubbed my hands, and then inhaled deeply.  
Sure, I was not a bad kind of doctor, well if I were one.  
Tara taught me a lot at St. Thomas, and if I had my license I already would be a professional doctor.  
I was familiar with the human anatomy and this was just a bullet wound. I knew what I had to to, didn't I?  
 _Just a bullet wound, just a bullet wound._

Before I could make the first cut with the scalpel my hand started shaking.  
There was an awkward feeling in my stomach and I wasn't sure if I needed to throw up.  
The room around me started to spin and I had to close my eyes.  
 _God, I could kill this man. Am I ready for this? Can I really to this? I'm just a nurse, I'm just a nurse .._

"I'm just a nurse, just a nurse." I whispered, my voice shaking as bad as my hands.  
I was brought back into reality by two strong arms that clutched me from behind.  
"Ella, breath slowly!" It was Chibs voice that I heard. I opened my eyes and realized I was having a panic attack.  
Following his instructions I began to breath slowly and finally found my voice back. "I'm sorry. Things like that happen to me from time to time."  
Chibs let go of me and faced me. He put my chin in his hands and lifted my face so I could look him into his eyes.  
"Hey, if yer not okay, ya don't have ta do this, missy." His dark brown eyes were filled with worry. "But I think, yer a wonderful doc. Fuck the license."  
He put a soft kiss on my forehead. At this moment I felt no desire or passion and all the anger I had in me when I read his letter went away.  
Now, I felt safe and protected. Chibs gave me the feeling that I belonged here, in the clubhouse, in this situation.  
All the doubts I had disappeared and I gained back my self-confidence.  
"I'm okay. And he will be soon." I pointed at Cameron, who laid unconscious on the table, knocked out by the pills.

After nearly two hours I did the final stitch. The bullet was out and all bleedings were stopped.  
Cameron's ass was as good as it's been before. _Wow, I really did it.  
_ I let out a loud sigh and took off the gloves. Juice, who helped me with Cameron, was about to leave the room, when I stopped him.  
"Hey, Juice." He turned around, by his look I could tell that he was exhausted. "You did a good job here. Thank you."  
I smiled tiredly at him and he tossed me a big grin. The way his eyes sparkled he looked like a little puppy who just learned his first trick.  
It seemed like it was the first time he got a good feedback for his work.  
When he left the room I was alone with Chibs – and of course the unconscious Irish whose life I just saved.  
"Yer alright, missy?" He asked me. I looked down at me and broke out into laughter. Chibs gazed me confused.  
"Well, despite the fact that I'm all covered in blood and look like a serial killer and just slept 2 hours this night, yeah, I'm fine."  
He eyed me, then laughed, too. "Yer not looking that bad. And thank ya. I'm sure ya could use a drink, right now."  
I nodded heavily. "Yes, please!"

We went out of the room and stepped into the large foyer, that now was filled with some members and crow-eaters.  
They turned around as I entered the room and nodded at me. An older man with an oxygen tank, who was sitting on a stool, raised his glass in my direction.  
I nodded back and went over to the man, sitting on the stool beside him. Chibs went behind the counter and handed me a beer.  
"You did a good job there, sweetheart." The older man said. His voice was very raspy and I could smell his alcoholic breath.  
"Really earned your place here. I'm Piney. Opie's old man."  
I looked at the man, trying to find any similarity with the tall, bearded guy I've seen a few times at TM.  
"Ella, hi." I stretched a hand to him and he shook it. "What do you mean I "earned my place" "?  
He chuckled a little, though it sounded more like a cough.  
"You're here long enough to realize that we don't trust new people a lot. Well, when it comes to this club, you're not new anymore.  
Chibs trusts you and you've just proved that you can be trusted. Just make sure it stays that way."  
I wasn't quite sure how to respond to that. I decided to smile at him and take a large sip of my beer.

"So, that's our new lady-doc, here!" A loud deep voice filled the room and all the chatter immediately stopped  
. A large hand tapped me on my shoulder and I turned around. It was Clay and he faked a large smile. I shyly smiled back.  
Something about this man made me nervous. He leaned forward and whispered in my ear.  
"Patching up the Irish, thanks for that. But don't try anything stupid. You tell anyone about this, I'll make sure it's the last thing you do."  
He leaned back and looked me in the eyes. Then he burst out into a loud laughter and hugged me.  
Everyone in the room cheered and started to chat again.

I needed some fresh air and went out of the clubhouse. Although it was just 1 a.m. it seemed like the longest day of my life.  
So many questions were in my head and after what Piney and Clay told me I wasn't sure if I ever wanted to get any answers.  
But could I just accept the way it was?  
I sat down at a bench and turned around when I heard the door open. Chibs walked out with a cigarette loosely hanging in his mouth.  
He smiled as he went towards me and sat down next to me.  
"Can I have one?" I pointed at the cigarette pack in his hand. He widened his eyes in surprise. "Ya smoke?"  
"Just on bad days." I shrugged my shoulders. Chibs lit the cigarette he had in his mouth and passed it to me. Then he got himself another one.  
We sat there in silence, smoking our cigarettes and gazed off into the distance.  
I was the first who broke this moment of peace. "God, I'm tired. I really need to sleep."  
"Alone?" he asked and grinned. I knew what he was hinting at.  
"Look, Chibs. I'm sorry I just ran off that way. I was just confused and kinda pissed at myself."  
"Why?" He asked.  
"Well, fucking the first male person I got to know in this town was not my best idea, you know."  
"Hey, listen, missy. Ya don't have to regret this. I ain't. And a 'lil fuck won't destroy our friendship. We're grown-ups.  
I think we can fuck and talk about it with no shame."

Our friendship. He said it. We're just friends. And I should accept this. Moreover I should be glad about it.  
If there hadn't been this stupid things called feelings.  
"Yeah, I think it was a bit immature of me. But this was a one time thing. No friends-with-benefit-shit." I smiled.  
"Fair enough." We both laughed. Chibs put an arm around me and pulled me closer to him.  
"Good to know, that everythin's fine." He placed little kiss on my head.  
I bit my tongue and suppressed the urge to cry. I wished everything was fine.

The loud rattling noise of a motorcycle broke the silence. Jax and Tara were on it.  
"''bout time." Chibs said and stood up. The two walked to us and in her face I could see that Tara wasn't alright.  
"Jackie boy, where've you been?" Chibs asked and embraced his VP.  
"Something got in the way." Jax said apologizing.  
"Well, it better be a damn good "something", brotha. Cameron nearly died, for Christ's sake!" Chibs raised his voice and we all looked at him.  
"Hey, easy. It's alright. I took care of it. He's fine." I said, looking Jax in the eyes and putting my hand onto Chibs' back.  
Only now did Tara recognize my bloody clothes and opened her eyes wide in shock.  
"You did what? Oh God, how did it go?" She came closer and hugged me. Something about her was awkward. Her whole body seemed to shake a little.  
"She was brilliant." Chibs said and winked at me.  
"Yeah. Well, maybe you could check on him, too, Tara. Make sure I did everything right."  
She nodded and I took her by the hand, walking into the clubhouse.  
Chibs and Jax stayed outside, probably arguing.

When we entered the room, Cameron was still unconscious.  
Tara went over him, put on some gloves and critically checked the stitches.  
"You did a good .." "What's going on, Tara?" I interrupted her.  
"And don't lie to me. I know when something is wrong. And you know that you can trust me, don't you?"  
She nodded and began to stutter.  
"Kohn, he .. he was in my house last night. He didn't want to leave. There was music everywhere. Our song.  
And he said he wanted to be with me again. And he kissed me. I didn't want it. He hit me. And when I woke up he was all over me. Trying to.. trying to.."  
Tara broke down in tears, collapsing on the floor. I ran over to her, picked her up and went to the next couch with her, where we sat down.  
She leaned against my chest and sobbed. "What did he try, Tara?"  
"He .. nearly raped me. But I .. I could hurt him. I shot him in the stomach. Oh God, Ella. It all went so fast." I stroke her hair.  
"Shh, it's alright. What happened then?"  
It felt wrong to ask her so many questions, but I knew that you have to express somethings. At least for once.  
"I called Jax. He.. he helped me. Kohn, he won't hurt me again." She raised her head and looked at me. "Ella, he's dead."  
I felt her relief and took her into a tight embrace.  
"Good. The bastard deserved it."  
I did not know why I didn't freak out about Tara's story. All I felt was satisfaction that this psycho won't ever threaten my friend again.

Chibs and Jax were still outside when we left the clubhouse. I went directly to Jax and put my arms around him.  
He seemed surprised but hugged me back.  
"Thanks." I whispered in his ear. Then I let go of him.  
He faced me with his blue eyes and we both nodded.  
And we would never talk about Kohn again.


	8. Questioning

Over the past weeks Chibs and I gained our "normal" friendship back.  
I went often to TM after work and helped with the bikes. The Pinhead was nearly ready and it looked awesome.  
My relationship with Tara became a little more complicated, though.  
Since she told me about Kohn she put a bit distance between us. I could understand that this whole situation worried her.  
But it bothered me just a little because I knew that Tara and Jax became closer and I assumed that she would tell him now about her problems.  
As long as she was happy I was, too. And I was sure things would get back to normal with us two.

It was my free day again and I used it to drive around with my bike. I went all the way up to Lodi and back and it was wonderful.  
The sun was shining and it wasn't too hot. Perfect weather to drive.  
There were no doubts, no negative feelings. Just me, on my bike, in total peace.  
I had a good job, a nice house and I met awesome people here, which I could call friends.  
Finally I felt that Charming was my home, now.

When I returned to my house at about 6 a.m. I spotted Chibs' Dyna in my driveway.  
He was sitting on my porch, smoking.  
His eyes were covered by dark sunglasses and 'cause he wore a sleeveless shirt and his cut he exposed his tattooed arms.  
 _The bad biker._  
"Hey, I didn't know you comin' over." I said when I parked my Sportster and went over to him, hugging him in greeting.  
I recognized his messy hair and his face looked tired. Something was wrong.  
"Yeah, wasn't planned. We got some clubshit goin' on. And I needa talk to ya, missy."  
He put down his sunglasses and by the dark circles under his eyes I guessed he was having a bad night. If he even slept at all.  
"Okay, sure. Come in, I'll grab you a beer." Confused I entered my house, him following me.

* * *

"Whataya feel for me, missy?"  
I nearly choked on my beer and coughed. "What?" Puzzled I looked at him.  
"This ain't some kind of romantic bullshit. I'm here for club-business."  
He leaned back and crossed his arms, obviously not feeling well with the fact that he had to ask me this question.  
"Wow, I'm flattered." I snapped sarcastically. How the hell was the club interested in my feelings?  
"Look, I just wanna know if you trust me completely. And if you can be trusted.  
Like no matter what kind of shit me and the club does, legal or illegal shit, you stay loyal."  
He took a large sip of his beer and his eyes avoided my questioning gaze.

"Filip Telford. It's been almost a year since I moved to Charming. And I had nothing back then.  
I've been through a lot of shit and Charming was my last chance to improve my life.  
With you and the club I rediscovered what it is to have friends, a hobby, people that care for each other. I found a second family.  
I don't care what kind of shit you and the club do. I really don't.  
All I care about is that you are the reason why I finally love my life again.  
And yes, I trust you completely. But the fact that you have to ask me such a question makes me think you, or the club, don't feel the same way.  
And that really hurts. I accepted your lifestyle, patched up a bullet wounded Irish man, helped your Queen Bee through a difficult time,  
and yet you still don't trust me?"

I tried to stay calm during my speech but it was hard. My voice shook a little and I had to make some pauses to calm it down.  
At this moment all the peaceful feelings I had during my ride resolved.  
Suddenly Chibs' face changed and his tensed muscles relaxed. He now looked me in the eyes, his dark brown ones filled with nothing but relief.  
His mouth formed a warm smile and he leaned forward to hold my hands with his.  
"That's all I wanted to hear, missy." He calmly said and reached for my hands.  
"Then why did you have to ask me, shithead?" Relief and joy were mixed in my laughter and I pinched him softly in the arm.

"Some A.T.F. bitch is after us. And she questioned some of our girls, probably to get some insider information about the club.  
Yesterday she shut down Caracara. I just wanted to warn ya. Maybe she could come to ya, too.  
This bitch could hurt the club really bad if she received the wrong information.  
I trust ya, Ella. I really do. But some of the guys just wanted me to make sure you ain't gonna open your mouth too wide."  
"Yeah, I would guess that "some of the guys" include Clay." I scoffed a little.  
Not sure why, but this man couldn't stand me. And to be honest, I wasn't very fond of him either.  
Something about him made me feel very uncomfortable.  
But since he was the president of the club I thought it would be better just to swallow it up.  
No need for beef with the big boss.

Chibs tried to pour oil on troubled waters by saying: "He's just careful with new people havin' to do with the club. Don't be mad at him.  
SAMCRO's his life and he wants to protect it, that's just natural."  
"Yeah, maybe you're right. So, do you wanna stay for dinner?" I didn't wanna think about Clay anymore.  
"As long as it ain't tofu or some kinda shite, yes." He giggled a little and the sound of his voice delighted me.  
No matter what kind of shit the club was into, I knew that I would always feel safe with Chibs.

After examining my kitchen and realizing that I forgot to go grocery shopping, I decided that we would simply order some pizza.  
I went for spinach, peppers and onions whereas Chibs took ham.  
He sure was glad that he could finally eat some meat in my house.  
When we finished, I asked him if he wanted to watch a movie.  
He agreed and so we spent the next two hours with watching Shining by Stanley Kubrick.

* * *

I couldn't remember the end, though. I must've fallen asleep on the couch.  
When I opened my eyes it was already bright outside and I heard some birds chirp.  
I laid on my side and was covered in a blanket. _When the hell did that happen?  
_ Behind me laid Chibs, his arm around belly. _We're spooning!_

At first I was a bit shocked. We haven't been that close since our night.  
But then I realized that this actually felt pretty good.  
He softly snored and I closed my eyes again, enjoying this moment.  
I had a nightshift this day and so it was no problem if I just slept a little longer.

I awoke again when Chibs started to move behind me.  
"Good mornin', missy." He said with sleepy voice and pressed a soft kiss on the back of my head.  
"Morning. You snore. Want coffee?" My voice was a little raspy.  
"Whoa, yer ain't a mornin' person, huh?" He poked my in the side which just let me groan  
"No, I'm not, shithead." I closed my eyes again and pulled the blanket over my head.  
"Okay, okay. I'll get the coffee and ya'll wake up." He chuckled and jumped off the sofa. I didn't know where he got this energy from.  
I always assumed he would be a morning grouch, just like I was.

Silently, he handed me over a large cup of coffee. "Here ya go" he said softly.  
After two big sips I was finally able to speak properly. "Good morning!" I smiled.  
"Aye, finally." Chibs chuckled. "Can I take a shower here? I would probably be late at TM if I headed back home."  
"Yeah, sure. Make yourself a home."  
He went to the bathroom, leaving me with my coffee in the living room. I was still in some kind of trance. Something between asleep and awake.  
When I heard the streaming water of the shower I couldn't help but imagine how Chibs was standing there, naked.  
His tattooed body, his strong arms, the cute butt and his long.. _Oh God, stop!  
_ I shook my head and wiped my eyes with my fingers. I had to get up and make those thoughts of him disappear.  
 _Breakfast. Yeah, that would be a good idea.  
_ Quickly, I jumped up and went to the kitchen to prepare myself a large bowl with cornflakes and banana slices.  
Good, the food helped me to wake up and to shake off the naughty pictures in my head.

Loud knocks on my door finally returned me to reality. _Who could that be?  
_ I walked to the door and watched through the spyhole.  
There stood a tall blonde woman in a suit and I assumed this must be the A.T.F. bitch Chibs warned me about.  
She lifted her fist to knock again but I opened the door before she could.  
"What do you want?" I snapped at her. I didn't mean to sound so rude but it simply jumped out of my mouth.  
"Well, SAMCRO obviously taught you how to lose your manners, girl.  
Agent June Stahl. A.T.F." The woman showed me her badge.  
"Yeah, I know. And again, what do you want?" This morning, I wasn't keen on playing.  
"Just a little chat, Miss Priestly. May I come in?"  
She faked a big smile and, while having a closer look at her, I could see some cuts of a laceration and a few bruises.  
"I think, I don't have a choice." I opened the door wider and let her in.  
"A.T.F." I said. "Must be a tough job, huh?" I pointed at her damaged face.  
"Well, life ain't easy with the Sons. And I advice you, Ella, to run away as long as you still can. You're in danger. I could help you, if you help me."  
 _Oh, clever strategy. Making me doubt my friends and acting like my protector. Clever bitch._

"Yeah. I think I would know if I were in danger. And then I'm sure I could handle it myself. Thank you." I tossed her a warning gaze.  
No one told me what to do.  
"I wouldn't be so sure about that." She whispered, mostly to herself, while she was opening the folder she carried with and took out a photo.  
Then she held it in front of my face. "Have you seen this man?"  
I grabbed the photo and looked at the middle-aged man on it. I recognized him immediately but made sure Stahl didn't realize it.  
I just shrugged and pulled my face into an expression of cluelessness. Then I shook my head. "No."  
"Cameron Hayes. Member of the True IRA and involved with SAMCRO's gun business. Thought maybe you would know him.  
Since you've got so _attached_ to the club.  
Listen, Ella, you don't want to make the same mistakes again.  
A dead brother, a psycho father, an entry in your criminal record, filthy nightclubs.  
I'm sure you do not want this to happen again." She grinned triumphantly at me.

I stood there, my eyes widened in shock. This bitch wasn't afraid of getting her hands dirty to get all the answers she wanted, that's for sure.  
After some moments I could shake the shock off and got my voice back.  
"I've no idea how digging up some shit about my past could help you.  
And I don't believe that you're interested in helping me because you're such a good Samaritan.  
But for you record. I don't need your help! I'm save here. And now I want you to get the fuck out of my house!"  
I yelled the last words and took some steps closer to Agent Stahl so that our noses almost touched each other.

"Any problems, missy?" Chibs leaned against the door-frame behind me. He must've gotten out of the bathroom very quiet. Or did he stand there for a bit longer? Did he listen to what Stahl said about my past?

"Oh, I see. You got yourself your own good Samaritan." Stahl said snarky and nodded her head in Chibs' direction.  
I turned around to face him. He was bare chested and wore his black leather pants. The black-silver hair were still a little wet and hung loosely in his face. His body wasn't really trained nor was he out of shape. He was simply attractive and I hated myself for seeing him that way in this moment.

"Nah, Agent Stahl was just about to leave. Wasn't she?" I looked back at her with sparkling eyes.  
"Of course, I didn't want to ruin your little honeymoon here. Fiona's alright with that, Mr. Telford?"  
Stahl pointed at me and I wasn't sure what was going on now.  
"Not yer concern. And ya heard the lady. Get out!" Chibs' voice filled the room and Agent Stahl turned around.  
"Let me know, if you need my help, Miss Priestly." And then she went out the door.

It took a load off my mind and I finally could breath freely. This bitch made every inch of my body tense. But now I could relax.  
Chibs pulled his arms around me and I returned his embrace. When we let go of each other I asked "How much did you hear?"  
Embarrassed he looked on the ground."Everything."  
My heart stopped for a beat. "Oh." That was all I could say at this moment.  
Chibs faced me again, now smiling. "Look, Ella. Ya don't need to tell my anything unless ya want it."  
I smiled slightly back at him. "Thank you" I whispered.

"I gotta go to work now." He said softly and went back to the bathroom to get his shirt and cut.  
He put on his sunglasses and was about to leave when I asked him.  
"Who's Fiona, Chibs?"  
He stopped and didn't move. Then he swallowed and looked at me with discomfort.  
"She's my wife."  
All the tense I felt before suddenly came back. Those words were like a heavy coat laying on my shoulders and trying to push me into the ground.  
I couldn't think of anything to say.  
 _Chibs was married! And I slept with him. God, I'm a adulteress._

* * *

 **33 Followers! Wow, thank you so much :)**

 **I'm glad that you like my story and my OC so far. I've never believed that I could write a Fanfic that is liked by so many people :,)**

 **Unfortunately you guys have to wait a little bit longer for a new chapter :(**

 **I was on a camping trip last weekend and next weekend I'll be a Rock am Ring (a big music festival here in Germany),**

 **so I won't be able to write another chapter the next weeks. I'm not really happy about it, too.**

 **I just wanted you to know that I didn't forget you! ;)**

 **And if you have any questions, ideas or feedback feel free to message me ;)**

 **Hope you have a wonderful week :)**


	9. Feeling

**Finally, a new chapter. Yaay! :)  
I'm really sorry that I let you guys wait for so long :(  
But I think this chapter will make up for your patience ;)**

 **Thank you for following :)**

* * *

I put some distance between me and the club, especially Chibs. I simply couldn't be around him for some time.  
When he told me that he had a wife I felt ashamed and used. Like I was nothing more than a stupid crow-eater.  
And I was angry that he hasn't told me sooner. Why did he hide it from me, anyway?  
But what really bothered me was the fact that there was someone else in his life. Someone he would call _his_.  
I was jealous. And at this moment I knew that I was in love with Chibs.

I always thought that identify my feelings would make me feel better. But under those circumstances it just made me feel like a piece of shit.  
I just wished that I would stop loving him so that we can be friends again. Like nothing happened.  
We would meet the next day, he would introduce me to his wife, who is certainly beautiful as hell, and we have a barbecue or something.  
But no! This wasn't the case.  
Avoiding SAMCRO for a while seemed the right thing to do. Until I could shake off my feelings. Maybe it was just a matter of time.

While I was dissociating myself from Chibs I got closer to Tara again. It was like a scale between those two.  
Whenever I got closer to one of them I kinda let the other go.  
That's basically the reason why I'm not good in relationships.  
Because I forget about other people. And then I loose other friends. 

* * *

"When was the last time you ate something, Ella?" Tara asked me in our break.  
My plate was empty, except for a bottle of orange juice. "You're not looking so good." She was right. I wasn't looking good.  
I nearly lost 10lbs, my bob and bangs haven't been cut in a few weeks and my face was pale. My body reacts extremely on psychological stress.  
"I'm fine. Just give me some time to figure some things out, please." I put a weak smile on my lips and looked in Tara's worried eyes.

"Ella, it's been 6 weeks now that I haven't seen you laugh or smile. You need to talk to Chibs. Get some things straight.  
Maybe tell him about you're feelings. I think after that you'll feel better."

"Tara, he's a badass-biker, who has no concerns to cheat on his wife. I doubt that he cares about feelings." I scoffed at her, but felt sorry right afterwards.  
I hated it that my mood was so black. Fortunately, Tara knew that I didn't mean to sound so rude.

"See" she touched my hand "I do understand you. Really. But look at Jax and me. He's a biker, too. And is married to Wendy.  
But he doesn't love her anymore. They were just two fucking buddies who ended up in a marriage. He was just too lazy to fill the divorce papers.  
I don't know. Maybe Chibs' story is similar. Maybe he doesn't love his wife anymore and they're just married on paper."

She had a point. And I knew that I would feel better if I talked to Chibs. Maybe I was just afraid of what he might say.  
It was possible that he still loved his wife. Or that he doesn't feel the same way as I do. I didn't know which was worse.

"Abel's coming home tonight. There's a little homecoming party for him at Jax's. I'll be there and the club as well.  
Why don't you just come over, too? I know that the guys miss you around TM. And you could talk to Chibs.  
Or at least show him, and anyone else, that you're still alive. Every time one of them sees me they ask me about you.  
And slowly I'm beginning loose my nerve about it, Ella." The last piece was meant ironically, I knew, and I giggled a little.  
"Maybe you're right. And I really miss the guys. It would be cool to see them again."

"That's what I wanted to hear." She smiled and I did too. Finally, it was an honest smile.  
I didn't know why I changed my mind so quickly. It must've been Tara's words.  
I was unable to miss the the wood for the trees but somehow Tara helped me out.

"Oh shit. I need to see a hairdresser first." I panicked as I imagined myself meeting the guys again and looking like a junkie whore.  
"There won't be any work to do, either. I think you can just leave here." Tara said softly.  
I jumped up and formed "Thank you" with my mouth.  
On my way out I bought a sandwich in the cafeteria and swallowed it in one piece.  
My appetite was back. 

* * *

After my hair finally looked like they deserved the name bob I went on a little shopping trip.  
I don't know why but I wanted to look hot as hell this evening. The fact that it was a homecoming for a little baby boy didn't change my decision.  
I wanted to show that I still was confident. My choice was a short dark red dress with sleeves made of lace.  
It was still long enough that I could ride my bike. That's why high heels were not on the list. I matched the dress with my black biker boots and a leather jacket. I watched myself in the mirror. _Hell yeah!  
_ It was hot, a bit classy, a bit cool, still appropriate for the occasion and overall not slutty. 

When I entered Jax's driveway I spotted a few machines. Clay, Tig, Juice and Chibs were already there.  
Opie's truck and Donna's wagon were also parking. They must've brought their kids with them. I smiled a little.  
I overheard in some chats with the guys that Opie and Donna had their difficulties. I was glad that they got their problems out of the way. 

The room went silent when I entered it. I could feel how everybody was staring at me and it made me uncomfortable.  
"Well, see who's back?!" It was Tig's voice. I searched for him with my eyes and when I found him I could see him smiling. I took that as a good sign.  
Shyly I waved my hand and slowly the people started to continue with their chats.  
It was Gemma who came to me first, anger in her eyes, like a mother who found out that her child was secretly smoking.  
"Next time you go missing, you better leave a message or I'll make sure you never come back again."  
She hold her glance a few seconds longer and when I nodded intimidatingly her face softened. "It's good to see you again, sweetheart. We missed you." Then she put her arms around me and took me into a deep embrace.

When she finally let go of me I made my way through the room. In the corner stood Chibs, a beer in his hand and with his sunglasses on.  
"Hey, sun's not shining anymore." I walked towards him, smiling.  
He didn't smile back and put his sunglasses on his head, pulling back his hair.  
"Yeah. Yer right. It suddenly got pretty cold here." His voice was taut and he looked at me with fiery eyes.  
He was about to leave when I grabbed his arm. "Can we please talk about this?" He let out a sigh and faced me.  
"I dunno what ya wanna talk about, missy. Yer scared the shite outta me. Ya didn't answer my messages, or calls.  
I thought ya left. And I cannot blame ya." I loosed my grip and let my hand sink into his.  
"I'm sorry." That was all I could say at this moment and I looked down in embarassement.  
I felt Chibs hand on my cheek, moving my face towards his. "Yeah, me, too." He whispered and pulled me closer to him.  
The next thing I felt was his soft lips pressing against mine.  
"Maybe we should really talk about some things." He then said. "But not today, missy. It's Abel's big day." I nodded in agreement.  
I was still mad at him about Fiona, though. But right at this moment other feelings, happier ones, dominated me. 

The door swung open and Jax came in with a bright smile on his face, Tara stepping in right after him. In his arms he hold his little boy.  
Everyone cheered and the mood was filled with joy. Little tears filled my eyes. Tears of happiness. It was like they were a real family. And I was part of it. "Yer alright, darlin'?" Chibs' whispered in my ear with his strong accent.  
I smiled. "Yeah, I'm just happy."

After half an our everyone got the chance to hold little Abel. He was passed around like a trophy.  
When Chibs hold this tiny creature in his arms a warm feeling filled my stomach. He was so gentle and careful with him.  
These were the things I like the most about him.  
On the one hand he was this badass biker. But on the other hand he could be a real gentleman. 

Suddenly the loud voice of a slammed door went through the room. Tara stormed out, Jax trying to follow her. "Ah, shit." I said.  
I went over to Jax, noticing that one of his cheek had a red mark on it. Like he was smacked.  
"Damn, what happened there?" I asked him, scanning his face.  
"Wish I knew." He shrugged his shoulders. "Can you make sure she gets home okay?"  
"Sure. I'm glad that Able's home, by the way."  
"Thank you. And I'm glad that you finally showed up again." He chuckled, then nodded at Chibs. "You two are okay?"  
"I guess so, yes." I couldn't help but smile.

I followed Tara to her house but didn't went after her when she entered it. I was sure she was gonna tell me what happened back in Jax's house.  
I was too tired to join the party again so I went back to my house and quickly fall asleep in my cozy bed. 

* * *

I woke up by the ringing of my phone. As I checked the clock I've just slept for an hour or so. Chibs' name appeared on the screen. I answered.  
"If you wanna talk now, that's a bad timing, Scotty." I said in a rusty tone.  
"Ella! Something bad happened. Really bad. Are you safe?" His voice was filled with worry and he had to swallow a few times.  
"Yes, I'm fine. Chibs, what happened?"  
"It's Donna. She was shot in the back of her head while she was driving. Shite, Ella. Donna's dead."  
At the end of the line I heard how Chibs tried to hold back tears.  
"Come over, please." I said in a demanding, but soft tone. All I wanted was to see him now and comfort him. 

The rattling sound of his Dyna filled the night. When I opened the door Chibs had already taken a seat on the bench of my porch.  
I sat next to him and we didn't speak a word. I noticed that his eyes were red and swollen. He simply looked miserable.  
I cupped his face in my hands. Softly moving my thumbs over his scars. He closed his eyes and a little tear escaped his eyes.  
Gently he put a small kiss on the palm of my hand. Everything around us was quiet and there were no words needed this night.  
As I stood up I took him by the hand and guided him into the house and right into my bedroom.  
I turned around to face him. He looked so hurt.  
I stood on my tiptoes and put a gentle kiss on his lips. He answered it by putting his arms around me tightly and pulling me close to him.  
Nothing about those moves was passionate or wild. They were gentle and filled with deep affection. It just felt right.

When he let go of me I guided him to the bed. He sat down in front of me, still holding my hands and looking up to me, his mouth formed a little smile.  
I slowly took of his cut and placed it on my cupboard with caution like it was a fragile thing.  
I knew how much the club meant to Chibs and by honoring his cut I wanted to show him that I understood.  
Meanwhile he had already took off his shoes and shirt.  
My fingers carefully touched his bare chest and slid over his tattoos. The tension was so intense that my hands shook a little.  
I took some time to study the ink on his body and he seemed to enjoy the touch of my hands.

Chibs then placed his hands on my hips and lead me slowly to sit on his lap.  
I buried my fingers in his black-silver hair and put some small kisses on his head while he was caressing my back under my sleeping shirt.  
His breath was heavy and I could feel him become hard under me.  
He let out a little moan as I was moving my hips back and forth, gradually increasing the speed.  
In a quick move he took of my shirt and hectically unzipped my bra. He placed wet kisses over my upper body and stopped at my exposed breasts.  
He elicited me a moan when he seductively sucked my nipples, carefully nibbling at them.

I was all dizzy from the excitement that I felt. Still I could manage to open his belt between my legs. I wanted him now more than ever.  
All the held back passion finally could spread.  
I stood up so Chibs had enough space to take off his pants. In the meantime I grabbed a condom from my cupboard and threw it in his direction.  
The rustling noise of the package signalized me that he had put it on.

When I faced him again, he was sitting on the edge of my bed, totally exposed with a lustful expression on his face.  
I noticed that I still had my panties on so I removed them quickly. 

We looked at each other a few moments. His dark brown eyes didn't scan my naked body. He just looked me deep into my eyes giving me a boyish smile.  
I felt like I was a teenager again and this was my first time. Something I will always remember. Something special.  
'Cause this night I wasn't drunk and I was totally sure that I wanted this. That I wanted him.

I took some steps towards him and placed my hands on his shoulders.  
With his hands he gently caressed my lower back and went slowly over my ass. His touches were gentle and soft.

I placed my knees at each side of him. Our eyes still laid on each others faces when I slowly moved my hips down to let him enter me.  
With slow moves up and down I felt him become harder inside of me. The soft moans that we both let out were the only noises in the room.  
I wrapped my arms around him so that no space was between our naked bodies. The feeling of his warm skin against mine fulfilled me completely.  
It felt like we were in this position for hours. None of us had the intention to rush and to be "finished" now. 

Still inside of me, Chibs lifted me up, turned around, and laid me on my back. My nails dug deeper into his back as his hips were moving faster.  
With every push I felt closer to him. Had the feeling that he completely filled me up.  
His lips covered mine as I started to moan loudly. Our wet tongues playing with each other.  
I could feel that he was soon about to reach his climax so I supported his moves with my hips by moving them up and down in his rhythm.

In this position he exactly hit my G-spot and I know I couldn't hold it any more longer.  
My breath became heavier and faster and I loudly let out moans which motivated Chibs to speed up his rhythm.  
I pulled him closer to me when my body started shaking heavily. Just as I reached my climax Chibs grunted deeply.  
All of his muscles were tensed and then relaxed right after he had finished, too.

Afterwards we lay side by side. My head rested on his bare chest and he pressed me close to him with his arm.  
After some moments he was the first to speak.  
"I couldn't forgive myself if anything bad happen to ya, missy. God, I missed ya so much the last weeks. So much that it hurt."

"I missed you to, Filip. The past few weeks made me realize that I cannot be happy without you.  
I don't know what this is here, but I feel more for you than just friendship."

"Aye. I know whatya mean. I didn't mean to hurt ya in the past. I'm not sure what I feel, too.  
But whatever this is here, I know that I wanna be at yer side."


	10. Dancing

It was the day of Bobby's release and Gemma thought it would be good to throw him a little party.  
Well, if there were something like _little parties_ in SAMCRO. Lots of booze, lots of food, and of course lots of girls.  
I was glad that Gemma asked me to help her with the preparations and that I could show her that the club was important for me.  
Since I realized that I felt something for Chibs I started to strengthen my place within the club.  
This is were I wanted to belong.

Gemma and I came back from grocery shopping, refilling the alcohol storage for tonight's event. Mostly tequila and whiskey.  
The boys weren't really picky when it came to get drunk. A few girls lingered around the parking lot. Crow-eaters I assumed.  
I've never really spoken to anyone of them. Probably they were nice girls but I simply wasn't interested in getting to know them.  
And to be honest I somehow didn't like them for being around the guys and offering them their bodies. It seemed shabby to me.

When I wanted to get out the boxes with the bottles of booze of the trunk Gemma put a hand on my shoulder and nodded her head. "Oh no, Ella. That's not your job to do." She waved at some of the girls who immediately ran over.  
"Grab those boxes and put the booze in the fridge." The girls nodded heavily. "Yes, ma'am." Then they did what they were told.  
The boxes were far too heavy for those skinny girls and they nearly tripped on their heels on their way into the clubhouse.  
Confused I looked between Gemma and the crow-eaters.  
"I can carry those boxes much better that those skinny bitches, you know?" Gemma snorted a little.  
"Sweetheart, it's not about what you "can". It's about showing those tramps who you are and what you're position is within the club."

My confused look stayed on my face. "My position? I don't know what you're talking about."  
She softly put an arm around my waist and we headed to the office.  
"Oh, sweetheart. You really need to know some things about the club.  
Come, let's have a coffee and I'll teach you what you have to know."  
Inside the office I sat down on a old, but comfortable, couch and Gemma went over to the coffee machine pushing some buttons on it. Shortly after the machine started buzzing and coffee streamed in the two cups that were placed under it.

Gemma handed me one cup and then let herself sink into her office chair.  
"So" she started, taking a large sip of her coffee "those skinny ass bitches out there, there nothing but pussy.  
Sure, they may be nice, but they're not very smart. You on the other hand are smart. And you have what most of the girls dreaming of. A man within the club who actually cares for you and who sees more in you than a quick fuck."

I knew what was Gemma driving at and I smiled a little. The past weeks with Chibs had been wonderful.  
Every time I was with him my legs turned into spaghetti and my stomach was filled with butterflies.  
I felt like a teenager again. A bit silly but I didn't care.  
And the sex! Wow! I think I've never had a man who satisfied my needs so well the way Chibs did.  
He was gentle when I needed it, he was rough when I wanted it.

But thinking about him and our sex I tried to remember conversations I had with him where he told me that he cared for me.  
And my smile faded. Except for the one talk we had in the night Donna died we haven't spoken again about our feelings. Or about Fiona.  
As nice as it sounded the way Gemma talked about it I wasn't sure if really had a man within the club. Maybe I was just a quick fuck.

Because to be honest, all the times we've been together since that night, we ended up in bed.  
Or on the floor. Or the shower, the dining table, the kitchen unit, the porch (yes, but it was dark!), the garage ..  
Let's just say we were quite busy with discovering our bodies the last weeks.  
But we never discovered our feelings.

Gemma noticed the change in my face. "Hey, Ella, what's going on in that beautiful head of yours?"  
I sighed. "Well, I'm not quite sure that I'm not just a quick fuck, Gemma."  
She looked at me with her big brown eyes and smiled a motherly smile.  
"Look. I know that Scot for a long time. And I can see in his eyes that you mean something to him."

"Yeah? But did he ever tell you this? You know, with words?" My voice shook a little.  
She still smiled at me. "No. But men are not the chattiest people when it comes to their feelings.  
That's why you need to show him what you want. And those skinny bitches, too.  
Show them that Chibs' not a free dick anymore."

I cleared my throat. "Yeah, but Gemma, I'm not really into cat fighting."  
She laughed about my words. "Oh, honey. You will be, if you want him."

* * *

When I came back to the clubhouse later that evening it was already filled with a bunch of people.  
Most of them I knew. Either because they were members or relatives. Some of them I've never seen before.  
Loud rock music was playing inside and the whole place was filled with sound.  
The mood was chilled and I assumed a lot of alcohol had already been flowed.

In the crowd I searched for a very familiar face but I couldn't find Chibs anywhere outside.  
Luckily I found Tig whose face was already buried between the enormously huge breasts of a busty brunette.  
She wore a cheap leather bra and a mini-skirt that was probably a size too small for her curvy figure.  
I tapped Tig on the shoulder and he stopped his "actions" to turn around which made the brunette pout and she threw me some devilish glances.

"Ella!" Tig screamed and his mouth formed a big smile. By the sound of his voice I assumed he was slightly drunk.  
"God, love. Look at you! You're the hottest chick I've seen here in a long time." The brunette cleared a throat loudly but Tig didn't care.  
He was right. I did look smoking hot. This night I chose a tight midnight-blue dress, that ended right under my ass.  
I combined it with a large necklace and a black bowler hat. Since I planned to drink something that night I passed on driving my bike and took a taxi instead. So finally I could wear my only pair of high heels. They were black and about 4 inches high.  
For my liking I looked a bit slutty. But I felt confident. And compared to those trashy crow-eaters I still looked classy as hell.

"Jesus Christ. You put some very naughty images in my mind." I laughed and patted his cheek.  
"Oh, Tiggy boy. Dream on! But thank you. I'll take that as a compliment. Have you seen Chibs around?"

"Why? Can he have something of that fine ass of yours?" I blushed a little and winked at him.  
"Damn! I knew it. Lucky Scot! I think he's inside, darlin'."  
"Thank you, Tiggy." I put a small kiss on his cheek. "And now, get back to those tits,mister." I said in a commanding voice.  
"Like I had another choice." He smiled and then turned around to the brunette again.

Inside the clubhouse there were even more people than outside.  
It was hard to get through the room without constantly touching other people.  
I came across Juice and Half-Sack who I greeted with hugs. "Now, you have to drink with us, Ella!" Juice commanded and put a shot glass filled with tequila in my hand. I couldn't argue with him and raised my glass. Then we chugged our shots the same time.  
The warm feeling of the alcohol filled my body and I grimaced at the bitter taste of tequila.  
When I finished I shouted out loud. "Ahh! Damn tequila."  
Juice immediately filled my glass with another shot.  
"Ella, you're still too sober." I laughed and watched the small glass in my hand.  
Then I chugged it again. This time it wasn't so bad.  
As Juice grabbed my glass to refill it again I just nodded my head.  
"The night's too young to get totally wasted just now, Juice!" I told him and he pouted. "I'll come back later for more. Promise."  
He smiled at me and I turned around to search for Chibs in the crowd.

* * *

I finally found him leaning against a door frame. My heart ached when I saw him chatting with a blonde woman who I've never seen before. Ensuing from her trashy clothes and her slutty make up I assumed she was a crow-eater.  
Her hand rested on Chibs' shoulder while her other hand played with his hair. And he didn't take any actions in rejecting her.  
When his eyes caught mine he smiled at me and nodded like having the hands of a blonde gash all over him was the most normal thing in the world for him.  
I walked over to him and this bitch. "Eh, excuse me." I cleared my throat and the blonde turned around.  
"Get your fuckin' fingers off of him." Her eyes widened and she looked at me with a smirk. "Yeah? And you are?"  
"I'm his .. his.." I stuttered. I had no idea what I was for him.  
It was Chibs who spoke now. "She's a friend of mine, darlin'."  
It was like the world stopped turning and the whole room froze. So that's what I was for him? A friend of his?  
The clarity of his words hit me hard and I turned around quickly. I didn't want to see him anymore right now.

Chibs grabbed my arm and stopped me from leaving. "Ella, wait."  
He came closer and whispered into my ear. "Don't make a scene, missy. As long as I don't know what this is between us, I think it's better if we act normal." He smiled.  
But I didn't smile back. A loud bang rang out when I smacked him in the face but was drowned by the loud music.  
"Oh, sorry. That was just my "normal" reaction. Well, I guess then it's better you go back to your "normal" routine."  
I nodded in the blonde's directions and then walked away.

Deep in my heart I wished that Chibs would come after me and kissed me passionately so that everyone could see that I was his girl.  
But that didn't happen. _Oh, I'll make him feel what he misses tonight!_

I walked back to the bar where Juice was sitting. He had watched the whole scene with Chibs and raised his eyebrows when I sat next to him. "You wanna tell me about it?" He smiled honestly at me but right now I wasn't in the mood of talking.  
"Not really. I'd rather have another shot." I smiled back at him, now.

After six more shots I could slowly feel how my body felt more light and my sight went a little blurry.  
I wasn't totally wasted at this point. No, it was a comfortable kind of drunkenness. Suddenly all people started to rush outside.  
With a questioning face I looked at Juice who was brightly smiling. "Bobby's back!"

* * *

The mood was boisterous and happy and Bobby couldn't stop smiling this night. I put him in a tight hug.  
"It's so good to have you back, Bobby." He chuckled and kissed me softly on my cheek. "Thanks, Ella. I'll never get used to that shit."

I continued my drinking session with Juice. It was fun to be around him. He always smiled and lightened my mood.  
Chibs was standing in the corner of the room, watching me with a rueful glance.  
I had to fight the urge to run over to him and kiss him like nothing had happened.  
But this time I tried to stay strong. And show him that I wasn't that easy to have.

As the night continued I had at least ten other shots. But I felt good.  
Though Chibs didn't had the courage to walk to me and discuss the problem.  
I tried to enjoy the company of Juice and Half-Sack, while we three were watching some busty blonde girl dancing slacky around the pole. Her skills were really bad.  
"What does that chick doin' there? God damn it! Either you dance or you leave. She's lame." I shouted at the boys who looked at me in surprise. "Woah, Ella. She's not that bad." Juice said and I watched him closely in the eyes, raising my eyebrows.  
"Well, okay. She's that bad. But I doubt that she's here to entertain with her dancing skills."

"So, then what is she here for, Juice?" I snorted.

He started to stutter "Well, uh .. you know .. for our fun, I guess. She's just a crow-eater .. I mean, she, uh .. none of the guys care if she's good at dancing .. you know." Embarrassed he looked on his feet.  
"As long as she's good at fucking." Half-Sack shouted from behind the bar and grinned like a school boy.  
Obviously he felt proud that he could talk about sex and women like that. His smile immediately faded when Juice gave him a dirty look.

"Eh, I mean, not like you are, Ella." He tried to placate me but made it all worse.  
"What do you mean? Like I'm not good in fucking? Or in dancing?" I felt a little pity for him that I teased him.  
But it made huge fun, too.  
He blushed and his forehead began to shine from the sweat that was slightly appearing.  
"No, no. You look pretty .. fuckable .. and.." But before he could continue Juice punched him in the shoulder.  
"Damn, Sack. You better stop talking. Sorry, Ella."

I burst into laughter. This scene was just too funny and I couldn't be mad at Half-Sack.  
"It's alright. And thank you, I look pretty fuckable tonight. And this .. "  
I pointed at the sloppy dancer at the pole "I can do indeed way much better."  
I took a last shot and then walked over to the pole. Both boys dropped their jaws.

I did not know why I stood here but all I wanted to do was show the boys what a quality dancer looked like. I wanted the other girls to be envious. And I wanted that the other boys to leer at me, so that Chibs became jealous.  
It was kinda like what Gemma said earlier.  
But I didn't have to show that Chibs not a free dick. He had to show that I wasn't a free pussy anymore. That I was his pussy.

The blonde didn't make any move as I took the pole in my hand and jumped of the stage pretty quick.  
I slowly began waving my hips to the rhythm of the beat. A few boys cheered and whistled as they recognized it was me at the pole.  
I started with an easy swing around the pole, crossing my legs around it.  
It was like the pole was my dancing partner. Seductively I pressed my back at it and grabbed the pole above my head.  
Then I lifted my legs and turned my body upside down. My legs now hook into now at the pole, my head hang down and I spread my arms. So, only my legs were holding all of my weight. It took me some few more moves, so that I could grab one of my feet and reach out my other arm in front of me, so that I looked like a fairy.  
Now I could face all the people in the clubhouse. They were looking at me with they're eyes wide open in appreciation and mostly everyone was cheering. That encouraged me to continue.

After some more moves and figures I notices that my dress prevented that I had a good grip at the pole. This only suited me.  
I searched for Chibs in the crowd and faced him deeply when I slowly unzipped my dress. I let it fall on the ground and bit my lower lip, still looking at Chibs. He smirked a little and had to loosen his belt a little. _Good, I gave him a boner.  
_  
I continued with my little dance, making sure to wink at some of the guys.  
Obviously one of them, none I've ever seen before, took this as an invitation to come up on the stage and grab my ass.  
Before I could react Chibs run over to me and hit the guy so hard that he fell of the stage.  
"Don't touch her again or I'll cut off yer bloody hand!" The man grunted and held his face.  
"Dude, what the fuck? There's enough pussy for everyone here!"  
"First, ya don't treat women like a piece of meat." All the women in the room were now cheering and agreeing with Chibs' words.  
"And second, Ella belongs to me!"

A huge smile spread over my face. He finally said it.  
Chibs then turned around and pressed a rough, wet kiss on my lips.  
I answered it with my tongue and put my legs around his waist, squeezing myself on him.  
The whole clubhouse was filled with "Uuhs" and whistles.  
"Say it again." I whispered in Chibs' ear. He smiled. "You belong to me."  
Now everyone knew it. It was official. I was with Chibs.

* * *

 **40 Followers! Wooow, thank you :)**  
 **I'm glad that you like my OC and the story.**  
 **Please let me know, if something bothers you ..**  
 **Or just leave a compliment :D**

 **I'm sorry for the little pole dance session.**  
 **It was a lot harder to describe some of the figures than I thought.**  
 **I suggest you guys watch some "pole dance" videos so that you can imagine what Ella's skills are like.**

 **Next chapter you will get to know some more details about Ella's past ;)**

 **I wish you guys a wonderful week :)**


	11. Revealing

**It's been a while .. again.**  
 **And I'm so sorry .. again :(**

 **I had some troubled times the last weeks.**  
 **Nothing bad - just the usual stuff like learning, working, looking for a new apartement etc.**  
 **But somehow I didn't have time to write a new chapter.**  
 **(And I probably won't have any the next weeks due to exams and -finally- 3 weeks of vacation :) )**

 **Plus, I've finally finished SOA. I still had to watch the last season, though.**  
 **Although I knew what was going to happen it still hit me hard.**  
 **After that I kinda felt empty (that sounds a bit too dramatic, I know)**  
 **and didn't want to see/hear/write anything about SOA for a while.**

 **But now I'm back! ;)**  
 **And I don't want to disappoint you.**  
 **Knowing that so many of you following this story really keeps me going.**  
 **Again, thank you soo much :)**

 **So, here is another chapter. It's not as long as others. But you'll get to know a lot about Ella's past.**  
 **Hope you like it :)**

* * *

"So, ya wanna tell me how the hell ya know how to pole dance, missy?"

It was morning the next day. Chibs and I had spent the night in one of the dorms in the clubhouse.  
The sex was again incredible. This time it really felt right. I was his now, and he was mine.

I didn't answer immediately. Instead I drew little circles on his bare chest with my fingers.  
In this very moment I knew that I would tell Chibs everything. I wanted to continue my life without lies and secrets. Now, that he would be a part of it.

I inhaled the air filled with Chibs' smell deeply and held it in my lungs. Then I sighed loudly.  
"I'm gonna tell you why I know how to pole dance. But this story will take some time. And it is filled with sad and horrible details.  
All I want you to do is listen. And don't pity me.  
I'm over this now. My life has changed. Because of my job, because of Charming. And because of you. I want this to work out. Whatever this is between us."

Chibs sat up and faced me. His deep dark brown eyes scanned my face like he wanted to make sure that I was serious about it.  
Then he smiled softly and kissed me on my forhead.  
"I want this to work out, too."

He put an arm around me and I started to tell him the story of my life.

"When I was 13 years old my mother died of cancer – leukemia. She was a teacher, good with kids and full of spirit.  
And she was a good mother to me and Danny, my brother. He was 5 years older than me."  
I smiled a little when I remembered her face. She was a beautiful woman, blonde long hair and a warm smile.

"On that day, when she died, I knew I wanted to become a doctor. This was all I could think of.  
I wanted to help people with cancer and prevent other families from losing a member."

Chibs softly pressed me shoulder with his hand and whispered in my ear.  
"And ya made it."

"That was a long way, though." I replied.  
"The death of mom put a deep whole into our family. It ripped my father into pieces.  
When mom still was alive I remember him smiling a lot and playing with us.  
This all changed completely when she died. He never smiled again.  
And he started drinking."

I shivered a little because of what I was going to say now.

"I don't know if it was because of the booze or because of his grief. But he became more aggressive, more violent.  
Maybe he was before. Maybe Mom caught it all. I don't know.  
When he first slapped me in the face I was 14 years old."

I could see how Chibs tensed his jaw, but he didn't say anything. Just like I wanted it.

"I visited a friend after school. Though I told him, he forgot. On some days he was too drunk to even remember his own name.  
When I came home he was so furious that he lost control. And afterwards he didn't even apologize.  
I guess that's when I knew that he would never change. And that he always has been like this.

Danny always wanted me to leave Grant Grove. And to fulfill my dream of becoming a doctor. But I couldn't just leave him behind.  
On the day of my 18th birthday he gifted my his Sportster. I told you about it at our first meeting. Remember?"

Chibs nodded.  
"Yes, I do. When I asked ya what happened, ya said he was at the wrong place the wrong time. In a wrong system of justice."

"Hey, you're really attentive." I smiled softly.

"Well, how could I forget a word a girl speaks to me, when I was really into her?" he whinked.  
"At our first meeting I knew I wanted to get to know ya. And that you would be someone special."

I blushed a little and placed a gentle kiss on his lips.  
Then I continued with my story.

"Well, when Danny gifted me his bike he was very serious about me leaving town. He said he wanted me to have a better life.  
And that I shouldn't stay in Grant Grove just because of him.  
When I asked him why he didn't want to move away, too, he just responded that someone had to take care of dad.  
And he didn't want me to throw my life away, I guess.

So I moved to L.A and applied for Medical School. And I was accepted. This was one of the best days of my life."  
A huge smile spread across my face.

"We stayed in touch very often. I called him every day to inform him about my life. He was so happy when I told him about Medical School.  
But with every talk I had wit him I could hear his voice growing darker and sadder.

Our father just broke his nose in an "argument" they had. And Danny tried to talk to the police about it. But they didn't take him seriously.  
They said our father is just an old man. He shouldn't be afraid of him. A tall 23-year old man should be able to get along with his father, they said.

One day Danny didn't pick up his phone and I knew something was wrong.  
The next call I got was from Grant Grove P.D two day later.  
They said they found the body of my brother. I asked them what happened.

My father somehow got hold of a gun and he probably had another argument with Danny.  
He "accidently" shot him. Accidently. That was what the police said."

While talking about the worst day of my life my voice stayed surprisingly calm.  
So many times I cried over Danny that I simply was empty of tears.

"I've never been to Grant Grove again. And I'll never go back to that shithole."

"What happened to ya father?" Chibs asked calmly.

"Well, there was a trial. And his lawyer could somehow convince the jury that my father wasn't sane when he killed Danny.  
That safed him from death penalty.  
He was put into prison for the rest of his life. One time he sent me a letter, writing how sorry he was.  
That the death of my mother was the reason he changed. That he could never forgive himself.  
I didn't write back. This monster is dead to me."

There was a long pause and the room was filled with silent. Neither of us spoke a word.

Chibs started to speak "Ella, I'm so .."  
"Keep it." I interrupted him in a soft voice.

"I said no pity. And I mean it."  
"Okay." he hushed. "What happened after that?"  
"You mean how did I end up in a strip club?"  
"Well, uh, yes."

"After my brother died all I ever wanted was to become a doctor. Because this was what my brother wanted for me.  
I didn't wanna disappoint him by letting my anger and grief take control of me. So I worked hard. And I was so close.  
You know that I didn't earn my liscence, right?" Chibs nodded.

"But I think I've never told you why?" He nodded again.  
"I just thought ya gonna tell me some day." I smiled a little.  
With every second I was with him I started to love more things about him.

"I was in the middle of my internship at an ER when a girl entered, her father beside her.  
God, you should've seen her. She had a huge laceration on her head. But what bothered me the most were the old bruises she was covered in.  
It brought back some nasty memories."

"That son of a bitch." Chibs whispered and I nodded in agreement.

"I was so sure that her father had something to do with this. All the anger I've tried to suppress suddenly broke out of me.  
And I tried to confront him. With my fists."

Chibs looked at me in surprise. "Ya punched that motherfucker? Nice!" he giggled a little. But I remained silent.

"Well, this motherfucker was Marshall Baxtor. A highly regarded lawyer of L.A.  
And he knew how to pull the strings of justice so that I would never be able to earn my license anywhere.  
I had failed me. And I had failed my brother.

After that I didn't know what to do. Everything I've worked for fell into pieces.  
I stopped working and lived with the money I still had. And when this was gone I had to find something to afford a living.  
That's when I started the dancing."

I didn't want to get into much detail. Surely Chibs knew how people feel when they've experienced some bad shit.  
The booze, the feeling that you're worth a shit, that you're never able to climb out of that deep hole.

"Why did ya stop?" Chibs asked in a low voice.

I swallowed a few times. The picture of Mary Baxtor appeared in front of my eyes. A beautiful young girl with all her future in front of her.  
A future that her father took away from her.  
And a future that I could've made possible. If I only had done more to protect her.

"I found out that the daughter of Baxtor died." My voice remained calm and silent.  
"And I didn't want anything like this happen again because of me. I could've prevent this, Filip. But I didn't. And I'll never forgive myself."

I paused and then calmly said  
"And don't tell me it's not my fault. Maybe there was no way that I could stop this bastard from abusing his daughter.  
Maybe her death had different reasons.  
But it's not what I believe. And that's all that matters."

I've never talked about this to anyone. But with Chibs at my side I was finally strong enough to reveal him my past.  
Above of all I wanted this to work. And this meant complete honesty. On both sides.

"And when you were talking to that blonde skank last night and introduced me as a "friend" I was really angry with you.  
And somehow jealous. I don't know what's gotten into me. Maybe it was the tequila talking.  
I just wanted you to make you see what you would miss."

He pulled his arm tighter around me and put his forehead on the back of my head, deeply inhaling the scent of my hair.

"It doesn't need a pole and some naked skin to make me see what I miss, Ella.  
I'm sorry for last night. And for not telling ya 'bout Fiona. I'm not used to the feeling that someone is really interested in me because of who I am.  
Not because I'm a member of the club."

I turned around to face him and pressed my lips onto his.  
Our kiss grew more passionate as I entered his mouth with my tongue.  
I let go of him when I lacked of air and between some heavy breaths I finally said it.

"I think I love you." I gasped and looked in his deep brown eyes.

He formed a large smile with his mouth.

"I love ya, too."


	12. Loving

**Hello, I'm back! :)**

 **And I'm so happy to know that you guys are still with me and Ella.  
Thank you for following the story altough there hasn't been an update in  
nearly 3 months!**

 **You're the best!**

 **Hope you enjoy this chapter :)**

* * *

Before we could start to celebrate our love confessions with another round of mind blowing sex we were interrupted by three loud knocks at the dorm door.  
"Yo, Chibby! Get your dick out of Ella and get dressed. We got some club-business to do!" Tig stood at the other side of the door.  
Chibs groaned and whispered to me "Oh, how I wished I had my dick inside ya right now."  
I blushed a little and pushed him out of the bed. "You will. Later." I said and got up to search for my clothes.  
"Any chance I can join?" Tig asked form behind the door.

"NO!" Chibs and I yelled simultaneously then started to laugh.  
He came over and pulled me into a deep hug kissing my forehead.  
"I'm sorry I have to leave ya, missy."  
"Don't be. I gotta head to St. Thomas anyways." I straightened myself on my tiptoes and put a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth.  
Right there, where his scar was.

* * *

I recognized Tara's car in the parking lot outside the hospital and somehow I got the feeling that something wasn't right.  
It was her day off and usually there were enough doctors around if an emergency occurred.  
I rushed so fast into the hallway that I didn't realized the man that was coming around the corner.  
With a loud "Dong" I crashed into him, hitting my head hard on his shoulder.  
"Oh shit! You're alright, darling?" I recognized this voice. Old, rusty and deep.  
"Yeah, think so. " I said, placing a hand on the spot where I hit my head.  
"Chief Unser, what are you doing here?"

He stumbled a little. "Well, I just had my chemo-cocktail." Shyly he chuckled like he had to hide something.  
Scanning the nervous look on his face I replied.  
"You look pretty sober to me." I watched him closely. "You don't know if Tara is around, don't you?" I asked.  
"Uh, how should I know? I'm just .." he stuttered. It nearly seemed that he tried to hide something.  
By the worried look on his face I could tell that something must have happened. And that made me worry, too. _What was going on?_

"Stop stuttering and talk, Chief!"  
With a surprised look on his face Unser searched for words.  
"It's Ella, right?" I nodded. "Ella, everything's fine with Tara. She's not the one I'm worried about." I didn't understand. _What was he talking about?_  
"She's up at the fourth floor. You should go and ask if you can help. You seem like I can trust you with this."  
I still didn't understand what he was talking about.  
I just nodded and made my way up to the forth floor.

* * *

"Don't ask. It's what you think it is!" Gemma said in a harsh tone when I entered the treatment room and stood there for a moment, paralyzed.  
Gemma sat on a gynocologyst-chair, her legs spread wide open and Tara examining her genital area.  
Her face was swollen and had some cuts and bruises. I immediately realized what must've happened. _Rape._

Without any words I grabbed some antiseptic, iodine ointment and a fresh bandage and stepped over to Gemma to take car of her face.  
We stayed silent for about 10 minutes. Obviously none of us knew what to say.  
It was Tara who broke the silence when she put down her medical instruments  
"There's a number of small tears. It's noting that won't heal on it's own. I'm gonna start you on antibiotics right away."  
Gemma lifted herself up and looked a bit confused. "That's a standard procedure." I explained. "To treat for chlamydia and gonorrhea, even before the test results are back."

Then we stayed silent again for the rest of the examination. I honestly didn't know what to say or feel. I was in shock, yes. And I was filled with anger.  
This could have happen to all of us. To Tara, to me. I always believed that the club was a safe place and that the guys would protect us, no matter what's gonna happen.  
But right at this moment I doubted everything.

* * *

I stayed at St. Thomas when Tara drove Gemma back home. There was still some paperwork that I had to do in order to cover Gemma.  
The official reason why Gemma was in the hospital would be a car accident. Unser arranged everything so that it was credible  
The two of us met in the cafeteria to go through the rest of papers. But I wasn't really listening what Wayne was telling me. My mind was somewhere else.

"Hey! Sweetheart, you listening?" Unser said in a kind but concerned voice.  
I smiled slightly and shook my head a little. "No, not really, Wayne."  
"Was is it then? You know, you can tell me, Ella."  
After a moment of silent I breathed deeply.  
"Is it always like this?" I asked him seriously. "You covering all the tracks. Keeping secrets. Is this a safe place, Wayne? Or is Charming, the club, dangerous?"  
He inhaled deeply, then patted my arm with his hand.  
"Charming is a safe place because of the club. I know that the means are not ,what the public might say "legal."  
But within the past decades nothing bad happened here in Charming. And most of it is because of the Sons. So no, Charming is not dangerous.  
And the club isn't, either.  
What happened to Gemma is not the club's fault, Ella. Noone could've prevent this.  
It's a gross, nasty thing and I'll make sure that the right persons are gonna pay for it.  
Do not doubt the club, sweetheart. The need you, as much as you need them. I can tell by their looks.  
They're gonna protect you, no matter what. Especially the Scot."

When Unser mentioned Chibs I had to smile a little.  
"See. Keep that good feeling you have right now in your mind. I'm glad, that you're here, Ella. I really am."

After this speech it was hard for me to find any words. I've never thought of the club the way Wayne told me. They needed me. Not just Chibs.  
And they would protect me.  
Silently I whispered "thank you" and before I could continue with the papers I was interrupted by my phone.  
The number on the display was a familiar one.  
"Speaking of." I said to Wayne when I excused myself to answer the call

"Hey, missy." I heard him say with his deep, remarkable voice. "Just heard about Gemma's accident. Is she allright?"  
I remained silent for a bit. _What was I gonna tell him? The truth? Lies?_ I suddenly found myself in a place where it wasn't my decision anymore.  
If Gemma wanted to keep her rape secret then I couldn't tell Chibs. This was not up to me.  
"Hey. Yes, she's fine. Just a couple of bruises that needed to be stitched. Nothing serious."  
On the other end of the line I could hear Chibs tell the others. After some seconds he spoke to me again.  
"That's good. Clay and the rest of course we're really worried. Me too. We gonna head to St. Thomas now ta check on her.  
Yer still there, then? I figured maybe we could grab lunch later on. Spend some time together, ya know."  
A little smile went on my lips. "Yeah, that would be great. See ya then."

* * *

"I think I owe ya an apology."  
It was late evening that day and Chibs and I were at my house eating dinner.  
I looked at him a bit confused but then sensed what he was gonna tell me. At least I hoped that he would.  
It was still something that stood between us.

"Go ahead." I said softly and he cleared his throat.  
"Well, Fiona and I .. we .. we were pretty young when we got married. Ya know. Young and stupid. I won't lie to ya. I was crazy about her. I really was.  
But I wasn't ready for serious commitment. Maybe she wasn't either, I dunno. But when she got pregnant we had no other choice than to get married.  
Fiona, she's a tough, catholic girl, ya know. And ya don't raise a child without a husband."  
There was a little pause and I had to swallow. _So, he has a child, too?_

Like he could read my mind he continued. "Our baby-girl, Kerrianne. She's 16 by now."  
When he spoke out her name he touched his chest, right there where the tattoo of her name was.  
It never occurred to me to ask, who was behind that name. I always thought it was an old love or something.

"So is it over then? Between Fiona and you?" This question bothered me for a few weeks and I finally wanted to get an answer.  
"Yes, it is. It's over a long time now. After I got exiled from the IRA it didn't occur to me to file in for divorce, though.  
Since she was married to Jimmy O, anyways. haven't seen them in a long time. "

I didn't understand. How could she be married to another man if she was still Chibs' wife. And who's Jimmy O?  
"This all is quite hard to explain, I get that. Life in a club or with the IRA, there are different rules. Different ways to handle things.  
They mostly don't go the 'official' ya somehow understand what I'm telling ya?" I nodded slightly.  
I got that his situation was complicated. And that I couldn't compare it with 'normal' standards. Nothing is normal with SAMCRO.

"Ella, I want ya ta know, that they'll always have a place in my heart. I cannot help it. Fiona is the mother of our girl. But I don't love her.  
Like I love ya. Tá mo chroí istigh ionat _."_  
I looked deep into his eyes and chuckled a little. "What does it mean? Sounds beautiful."

"It's Gaelic and it means 'My heart is within you'".

I tried to speak but all I could get out was an inaudible "Wow". Never has anyone spoken such beautiful words to me.  
And it meant a lot to me that he spoke about Fiona.  
I totally understood that she was a special person to him. All I wanted was honesty, and that's what I got.

I smiled and then got up to stand in front of him. My hands reached for his face and I cupped it in them.  
I pulled his face to mine and put a my lips onto his. The kiss lasted a long moment.  
I was so unable to speak that instead I wanted to show him how I feel by kissing him as intensively as I could.  
When the kiss broke we looked at each other for a few minutes. Quietly. Then I broke the silence.

"Filip Telford, you make me the happiest woman in the whole world."

* * *

I checked on Gemma the next couple of days. She started working at TM pretty soon so that noone would become suspicious.  
I tried to help her, though. As much as I could and as much as she let me.  
"Ella, I don't need a babysitter around here! You better start going or I'll make you, girl."

It was one of Gemma's occasional mood-swings. Over the time I got pretty used to them and knew how to handle them.  
"Gemma, I won't go anywhere now. Fine, you don't want my help. But what about a cup of coffee and we talk a little."

The face on the elder women softened. "Ok, dear. Seems like you ain't leaving my side. But if you stay I wanna know all about you and Chibs. Gimme all the details."  
I giggled as I poured us two cups of coffee. "I am really happy with him, Gemma."  
"Ever thought about becoming his old lady?" she asked and raised an eyebrow.  
I honestly didn't know what to do about this question. The concept of marriage never bothered me much.  
When all the girls in school planned their 'perfect day' I usually played outside in the mud.  
Marriage, four children, a house with a huge garden .. those were the things every girl dreamed of. For me this was never a topic.  
I don't know why, but those things never bothered me much.

And so it is with the 'old lady'-thing. I seriously had no idea why this was such a big thing. I mean, I was with Chibs. He loved me and I loved him.  
That's all that counts. I didn't need a ring or a tattoo to prove that.  
"Actually I don't know what to think of this. Do I really need this? Isn't it enough that we both know that we love each other?"  
"Oh, honey." Gemma laughed. "There are still some things you need to learn about SAMCRO."

A slight knock at the door shut down our conversation. Then Tara entered the office.  
When she saw that it was just me in the room with Gemma she grabbed a little plastic bag with a plastic bottle in it out of her bag.  
"Thirsty?" Gemma asked her in her usual harsh way.  
"H.I.V test. " Tara responded. "You're due."

"Shall I go?" I asked and got off my seat.  
"No, honey. It's okay." Gemma said and took the bottle from Tara.  
After a little pause she said. "I haven't had sex since it happened"  
Tara and I faced each other the she responded. "Well, makes sense. You're still healing." I nodded in agreement.

"Pussy's not the problem." Gemma explained. "It's my head."  
"Well, you need time." I said now. "I need something" was all Gemma said.  
Tara and I looked at each other again. Then I nodded. So Tara asked Gemma.  
"Where's Clay with all this?"  
Gemma then explained that she thinks Clay hates her. Which of course wasn't true. And that's what we've told her.  
But Tara and I sensed that we shouldn't dig deeper into that wound. It was not up to us.

In the distance we heard the rattling noise of a motorcycle. Tara and I peeked through the window to see who it was. I hoped it would be Chibs.  
Since the club was into porn business I haven't seen him much lately. Apparently he and Juice were involved in casting some new faces for Cara Cara productions.  
And I honestly didn't want to know what this meant. I trusted Chibs completely. So I wasn't worried about him hooking up with a porn star.  
I know that men have fantasies about it but I knew that none of those cheap girls could compete with me.  
For the first time in our relationship I was at total peace and sure that I was the only one for him.

Whereas Tara had her little problems with Jax. When we looked out the window to see who it was we recognized Jax on his Dyna.  
But he wasn't alone. On the back of the bike there was a tall, skinny, blonde girl and judging by her clothes I assumed she was a Cara Cara girl.  
"Son of a bitch." Tara said with strong voice.

"Hey, it's probably nothing." I came closer to her and rubber her back. Then Gemma came closer and took a suspicous look outside the window.  
"You good with that rubbing on Jax?" she asked Tara. I could see in her face that she wasn't sure what to tell.  
She then started to stutter. "I... I trust him." But her voice told that she felt different.  
"It's not him you worry about. It's them." Gemma commented and pointed out the window.  
"They think he's a free dick. Go educate. Set the bitch straight." Somehow this conversation was familiar to me.  
 _The night of Bobby's homecoming, the party, how I got jealous, my little strip show, when Chibs finally said, that I was his now._

I acted crazy that day. Before Charming, the club, and Chibs, I've never understood when people would make a fool out themselves just because they were in love.  
It always seemed silly to me. But maybe I've never been in love before.  
Until now.


	13. Doubting

**Do you guys know the feeling, when you have a rough idea of how your story will be in the long run  
but you don't know how to get there?!**  
 **Well, this is where I am now.**  
 **So, this is why I decided to rush a little through this chapter to get to the point where I want to be.**

 **I'm sorry if that's a little fast for you.**

 **But good news, I have some ideas in my mind that will cover at least 3 new chapters.  
YAAY :D**

 **I still hope you like that chapter.**

 **Although it marks a hughe turning point in Ella's relationship to Chibs.**

 **Thank you for following :)**

 **I love you, guys :***

* * *

It was one of the usual days. I woke up next to Chibs who was still sleeping and slightly snoring.  
I always thought it would bother me to be in a relationship with someone who snores but to be honest I got used to it. I even liked it.  
All those little things other people would be annoyed of I loved.  
Like when he kissed me after he smoked or when he teased me about being a vegetarian.  
Every time I ordered a salad he would give a little comment about it. Nothing mean. Just to tease me a little.  
And then I would give him a comment back and we would laugh about our little game.

While Chibs was still asleep I prepared breakfast. Well actually I made myself a sandwich which I would eat on my way to work.  
I had a double shift today and I didn't want to wake him this early. So I made him a sandwich as well.  
Of course, it was a vegetarian one.  
I put it on a plate and placed a note right next to it.  
"Want meat? Go hunt it yourself! See you tonight. I love you, Ella"  
I did not know at this moment that at the end of the day my life was gonna change.

* * *

My shift was almost over when I heard the doors of the entrance hall slam open and  
emergency doctors rushed into the hospital with a patient on a stretcher.  
Up to this moment it was a typical picture for the ER.  
What caught my eyes were the group of tall men, all in cuts, following the doctors.

 _Oh my God? Who was it?_  
I panicked since I couldn't see who was the patient. I spotted Tig, Bobby, Opie and Jax.  
When his blue eyes met mine I could see in his face that something terrible must have happened.

"White male in his mid 40s. Goes by the name Filip Telford. Landed on his head and is unconscious since then. Go and prepare room 5. Now."  
One of the emergency doctors explained a nurse who then rushed off quickly.  
The doctors around Chibs followed her with the stretcher until they went through the swinging door which led to the corridor with the operating rooms. 

I stood paralyzed while watching the man I loved lying unconscious on a stretcher and being brought away of me.  
It was like I was drowning. All sounds were hollow and my sight was blurry.  
 _What happened? Is it bad? What do I do if he dies? I need him. I'm not ready to let him go.  
_  
My whole body was shaking. I took me a while to realize that it wasn't me who made my body move.  
It was Jax who had put his arms on my shoulders and shook me back and forth.  
"Ella! Ella, you hear me?" he yelled. After some moments I managed to fix his face. His eyes were full of worry.  
"Wha .. what happened?" I stuttered.

Jax explained everything to me. That there has been an explosion at TM. Probably a car bomb.  
And that Chibs managed to get out of the car asquick as possible.  
 _Well, maybe not quick enough._

"I'm sure he'll be alright. He's a hell of a man." Jax tried to convince me but it sounded more like he had to convince himself to believe it.  
He leaned a bit closer and put a kiss on my forehead. "We're all here for you, you know that, right?"  
I nodded slightly, not able to speak a word.

* * *

Chibs status was still critical, but all signs indicated that he would survive. He was still in an artificial coma, though.  
He landed on his head after the explosion which caused a subdural hematoma.  
Every time I could, I visited him and every time I did it broke my heart to see him lying in this hospital bed with his eyes closed.

The one minute we were happy and I didn't believe that anything could destroy our luck and then this.  
Tara assured me that he would be fine and I tried so hard to believe her.  
Truth is, I was scared. Scared that this was it. That he wouldn't make it.  
That I lost the man I truly loved to a car bomb.

Whatever SAMCRO had going on with the Irish, they caused this explosion.  
They were responsible for what happened to Chibs.

The moment I started thinking like this I immediately regretted it. It was wrong.

I couldn't blame the club. No matter what shit they're dealing with I said I would be okay with it.  
And this is what I had to do. Be okay with it. No matter how hard it was.  
At this moment I remembered Unser's words.

 _Do not doubt the club, sweetheart. The need you, as much as you need them.  
_  
I loved Chibs and this meant that I had to love the club, too.  
This has never been so clear to me until this moment.

* * *

When I entered Chibs' hospital room this day I didn't expect another person to be in it.

"Oh, ehm, sorry." I said in surprise. A woman with dark, curly hair was sitting next to Chibs' bed. Holding his hand in hers.  
"No problem. He just woke up and fall back to sleep." She said softly with a strong Irish accent. Then she looked at Chibs with a little smile.  
The way she looked at him, with worry, appreciation and … love.  
I didn't know what to do of it. Somehow it made me jealous.  
 _I was the only one to look at him like this._

Then she faced me and looked me upside down. I was still in my working clothes so I supposed she took me for Chibs' nurse.  
"Better go tell the doctor, gal." I watched her for some moments before I collected myself and spoke to her.  
"Sorry, I'm .. I'm not a nurse. Well, I .. I am. But I'm not .. HIS nurse."  
Nervousness hit me. I always felt anxious in unplanned situations.

"So, who are ya, then?" The woman stood up and raised an eyebrow, fixing me with her dark eyes.  
Only now did I realize how beautiful she was. She appeared to be a really strong woman and I was intimidated by her.  
"I'm Ella Priestly. His girlfriend." I replied with the most self-confidence I could pull up now.

"Well, his girlfriend, huh? Now, that's interesting." She said sarcastically and took a step closer to me.  
"I'm Fiona. His wife."  
 _Wow, so that was her._ I've never though of Fiona to be so .. so pretty.  
And she made the impression to be a self-assured woman who know what she wants.

 _But why was she here?_ I thought they broke up and she left him.  
But the fact that she was here now and the way she looked at him clearly showed that there were still some feelings in her for him.

Before I could start to say something we were interrupted by Gemma and Tara who suddenly entered the room.  
While Gemma went over to Fiona to talk to her I turned to Tara.  
"Who's this?" she asked me and pointed to Fiona.  
"Ehm, this is Chibs' wife." I said, still a bit in shock. Tara's eyes widened in confusion. "Oh my God." she whispered quietly.  
I really wasn't ready for this. This whole situation was too bizarre.

"I think I should leave. I'll come back tomorrow. When she's not here. I cannot deal with that right now, Tara."  
She nodded and then I left the room.  
All I wanted was to get some fresh air an clear my head.

After 20 minutes Gemma joined me outside, lending me a cigarette. "I'm sure you could use a smoke now."  
She chuckled and I gave her a small smile- "Yeah, thank you."  
"Listen, Ella." Gemma said while putting her arms on my shoulders.  
"There's nothing to be worried about. That Irish bitch is back to Leprechaun Town way before you know. She's just here to make trouble.  
But Chibs loves you, honey. Forget about her."

* * *

It's been a month since Chibs been released from hospital.  
I thought it would be better for him if he stayed with me for a few weeks. Just to make sure that his wound won't bleed again.  
But he denied it.

"Look, Ella. It's a nice thought. But I don't wantya to take care of me all day 'n night. I promise, I'm alright.  
And I'll see ya mostly everyday, anyway. Ya can check on me, then." he said and smiled slightly.  
"And I'm deep into club shit, anyway, and I don't wanna worry you every time I'm out."

I was a bit dejected when he told me that, to be honest. I always liked the idea of him staying with me for longer than a weekend.  
But maybe it was just too soon to suggested something like this. He sure just needed some time on his own.  
And I let him take that time. I didn't want him to think of me as limpet.  
When he wanted to see me he had to ask. In the meantime I spend some quality time with Tara.

The past weeks I realized what an incredible friend she was.  
Every night I lied awake because I was worried about Chibs I could call her and we had a little chat.  
She always calmed me down and assured me that everything was gonna be fine.

On this day we met at the mall to do some shopping. I was looking for something sexy to seduce Chibs with.  
We would meet that night and our love life became a bit boring lately. With a new sexy dress I wanted to bring back the heat from before.

"Uh, that's nice." Tara said, pointing on a purple negligée in the show window.  
"Come on, let's try it on." She said and I followed her inside the store. 

"Hm, I don't know." I said in torment from inside the changing room. This wasn't as exciting as I thought it would be.  
"Do you want me to take a look?" Tara asked from outside. "I'm sure you look hot." She chuckled a little while she said that.  
I eyed myself in the mirror. I did look hot.  
But it wasn't my outer appearance that bothered me.

"It's not that. This is just ridiculous." I mumbled and suddenly my voice became thick and I felt how tears filled my eyes.  
I was sure Tara felt that something was wrong.  
Without asking she came into the chanigng room and looked at me how I was sitting on a chair with my face in my hands.  
"Hey, Ella. What's wrong?"

"Ugh, Tara" I sighed and shook my head.  
"I just want him to be passionate again. To take me like the first time. All this is gone now.  
I don't know but I'm not sure that a negligée can fix this. We barely have sex and when we do it's so .. unromantic.  
He doesn't care anymore that I come. He just pushes himself into me until he jerks off. It's all become so mechanic.  
And mostly he leaves me right after the sex. Saying it's club-business. It's like he's elsewhere with his thoughts."

I was relieved that I finally could let it all out.  
It was true, I wasn't happy anymore. Not as happy as I was with him before the accident.  
Something had changed.  
And I couldn't let go of the feeling that it had to do with Fiona.

"You think it's because of her?" Tara asked carefully. She knew that I had doubts about her.  
I looked at her and then nodded slightly.  
"Ella, listen." she now took my hand into hers. "Fiona went back to Ireland right after she visited him.  
I don't think that he would cheat on you. I mean, how could he? You are the one he loves.  
You know how men, and especially tough men like Chibs, are. They don't want you to see when they're weak.  
Maybe after his accident he thought he couldn't be strong for you anymore.  
I know that sound bullshit, but you know how they think.  
They wanna be strong and invulnerable. Just give him some time, Ella.  
And if you ask for my opinion. You DO look hot in that piece.  
And if I were you I would buy it and show Chibs tonight what a hell of a woman he got there."

That's when I had to laugh. I thought about her words for a moment.  
And maybe she was right. Maybe Chibs didn't want me to see that he was vulnerable.  
"Thank you, Tara" I smiled at her and she pulled me into a deep hug.  
"No problem, Ella. I'm always there for you."


	14. Deciding

**It's getting "kinky" again, my friends ;)**  
 **I'm sorry for what will happen at the end of this chapter.**  
 **But I think it's what Ella needs right now to develope her character.**

 **I'm honest with you guys.**  
 **I cried while writing it ;(**

 **But this will all work out some time.**  
 **Trust me :***

 **And of course, thank you for your support and reviews!**

 **HunterT: Thank you for your review. I'm thrilled to hear what you have in mind.**  
 **I wrote you an PM and maybe you could share your ideas with me.**  
 **I'm looking forward to recieve an answer :)**

 **So, have fun with this chapter.**

 **And don't forget to follow ;)**

* * *

My heart skipped a beat when I heard a knock on the door. Tonight I would show Chibs what he's got in me.  
I wanted to bring back all the passion that had been buried for a couple of weeks.

"Who is it?" I asked naively, although I knew it was him standing outside.  
"It's me, Chibs. Why'd ya ask? Do ya expect someone else?" he said roughly.  
Slowly I walked to the door and opened it.  
I leaned on the door-frame and put a hand in my waist, pulling up my white satin dressing-gown a little so that Chibs could have a look at what was underneath it.  
"No." I said sensually, biting my lower lip. "You're all I want."

He scanned me up and down, obviously speechless. I took that as a sign that he liked what he saw.  
So I played with him a little.  
Slowly I began to draw little circles on my exposed thigh, pushing my negligee further up.  
"I really, really want you." I purred. "Right here."  
My fingers reached the thin fabric of my string and I softly began massaging my vulva. 

Nervously Chibs scratched the back of his head. "Jesus, Ella." he groaned.  
With a quick move he pushed me into corridor and closed the door behind him.  
"I thought ya didn't like public shows." he said with a smirk.

Then he roughly placed a wet kiss on my mouth and my hands sank into his black-silver hair.  
Our tongues met and danced around each other. _I missed those kisses!_  
When we let go of each other, heavy breathing, he eyed me playfully.  
"So, tell me again. Where do ya want me, missy?" _Oh, he loved this game._

I walked over to the living room and placed myself on the edge of the couch.  
Chibs followed me and made himself comfortable in the opposite chair so that he could watch me.

"I .. want .. you .. right .. here."  
With every word I spread my legs more open so that in the end he had a good view on my inner thighs and crotch.

"Show me exactly where." he demanded gently.

I felt my pussy vibrating under every word he said in his strong Scottish accent.

This was so much better that I'd expected it.  
With heavy breaths I let me hands wander from my inner thighs up to my already wet string.  
Then I slowly pushed the fabric aside so that Chibs had a full view on my love love tunnel.

Carefully I began massaging it with the third and fourth finger of my right hand until it was all warm and wet.

With my left hand I freed my breasts from the upper part of the negligee til they were all exposed.  
I then started to squeeze them softly.

"Here." I cooed.  
And then I entered myself with one finger and started to moan his name.

He got up and walked to me. I could see through his pants that he already got a boner.

We stood just inches away from each other.  
The warmth of his heavy breaths met my sweaty skin and I could smell his scent.  
A mix of tobacco and leather. _Hmmm._

I felt how his hands caressed my inner thighs and I shivered under his soft touches.  
Then he slid one hand under mine and replaced my finger with his which made me gasp.  
"So, you want me right there, missy?" he asked and put a second finger into me, increasing the speed of his moves.  
I leaned forward and whispered softly in his ear.  
"Yes. I want you to fuck me right here."

As soon as I spoke out these words Chibs pulled off his cut and shirt and pushed me softly on the couch after he took off my string with one quick move. I laid in front of him, waiting for him to come closer and finally give me what I wanted for so long.  
When I bit my lower lip in desire for him I turned Chibs on more than ever.

"Oh, woman. Yer killin' me." He rasped and quickly slipped out of his pants.  
Now, he stood in front of me, completely naked, with an hungry expression on his face.

He came closer and put himself between my legs. His hands wandered up to my face where he stroke strings of hair off my face.  
We laid like this for a few seconds, just watching each other.  
Chibs opened his mouth like he was gonna say something but instead he put his lips onto mine. Our kiss was strong and passionate.  
Like it would be the last kiss we would ever share.  
Same time as his tongue hit mine he pushed himself intensively into me.

The feeling of him so deep into me made me dizzy and I longed for more.

I hooked my leg around his waist so that I could feel more of him in me. Shortly after we increased our speed.  
The sound of naked flesh banging at each other rang out in the whole room.  
Together with my moaning I was sure some neighbors wouldn't have a satisfactory night.  
But I didn't care. My night was more than satisfactory. 

As long as our foreplay and the sex was as fast came our climaxes.  
I loudly cried out his name when I've finished and trembled a little under his sweaty body.  
After that Chibs groaned loudly and pushed himself roughly into me for the last time. 

It took some minutes for us to move again. When Chibs tried to get up he stumbled a little and puffed. "Jesus, missy. I'm too old for that."  
I giggled a little and put a kiss on his cheek. "No, you're not. You're perfect to me." He didn't reply, just watched me.  
For a second they're was a strange expression on his face. Like he had bad news or something.  
But it went away really quickly and I didn't care to ask. Probably he was just exhausted.

"Hey, you wanna order some pizza?" I asked him. "I'm starving. This is way better than sports."  
I giggled a little and got up on my feet.  
"And if you can keep up with me, you're definitely not too old, Mr. Telford."  
His face softened and he smiled a little.

"Do you wanna order? I just want to jump quickly in the shower."  
He nodded and I scurried to the bathroom. 

The warm water felt good on my sweaty skin. This was the best sex I had in a long time.  
I was so glad that I didn't confront Chibs with my insecurity.  
Maybe this would've just make things worse. It was like Tara said.  
He just needed some time to feel invulnerable again.

When I got out of the shower and dried myself I put on my dressing-gown back on and met Chibs in the kitchen.  
He was in his boxers, sitting on a chair and smoking a cigarette.  
"What took ya so long, missy?" he asked with a little grin on his face.  
"I just wanted to get the smell of an old man off my body." I groaned and put out my tongue like a school girl.  
All at oncec everything was easy with him again. Our little jokes, the teasing, the passion. Everything got back.

"Oh, really? Then how about this!" Chibs jumped up and pulled me in a deep embrace, rubbing himself onto me. I laughed out loud.  
"Seems like ya have ta wash that old man smell off again, missy." Then he started tickling me. "Stop it!" I cried out in amusement.

I didn't know what happened that we could act like teenager again but no matter what it was, I loved it. 

"Okay. I leave ya be. Pizza will be here soon. I'm just gonna hit the shower, too.  
My wallet is on the table. It's my treat tonight." He bowed down like a butler and went to the bathroom afterwards.  
"Oh, you make me feel like a princess." I yelled after him with laughter.

Chibs was still in the shower when the doorbell rang. Like he said I took his wallet and opened the door.  
A teenage boy, maybe 18, with a baseball cap and two pizza boxes stood in front of the door.  
When his eyes caught me, I realized that I only wore my white satin dressing-gown and nothing underneath.  
I bet this boy had the best workday in his whole career. His face grew red when he saw that I noticed that he was checking me out.  
He began to stutter. "That.. that'll be .. 17...17.50$."  
 _Oh, poor boy._

I searched in Chibs' wallet for a 20 and pulled it out. A piece of paper, probably a bill, dropped out and fell on the floor.  
"Here, honey. Keep the change." I winked at the boy and handed him over the money.  
In return he handed me over the boxes and stuttered a little "Thank you" before he nervously ran off. 

I stooped down and grabbed the piece of paper which I took for a bill then went over to the kitchen to place the boxes on the table.  
I opened Chibs' wallet and wanted to put back the bill when I realized that I held a photo in my hand.

I turned it around to see what was on it and as I recognized the woman on it my heart stopped beating for a moment.  
It was a picture of Fiona. 

_Why would he have a photo of her in his wallet? And why wasn't there a photo of me?  
What does that mean?_

"Oh, shite." I heard Chibs say behind me. In my confusion I didn't hear him entering the kitchen.  
"I totally forgot about it. Jesus, Ella, I'm sorry." 

My eyes widened and I turned around to face him.  
"You're sorry for what, Chibs?" I asked him trying to sound as calm as possible.  
"Look, Ella, it's not what ya think. I mean, we haven't .."  
He stuttered, playing with his goatee as he was looking for words. 

"You haven't slept together?" I finished his sentenced and raised an eyebrow.  
He shyly shook his head and started arguing. "Ella, darlin', never would I cheat on ya."  
I didn't exactly understand what was going on right now. I looked around the room trying to get a clear mind.

"Then what are you sorry for, Chibs?" I repeated.  
"Why do you have a picture of her in your wallet? And don't give me the 'she's-the-mother-of-my-child-shit'.  
Kerrianne is not on the photo. It's just her!"  
Now my voice got louder and I was furious.

"I.. I don't know what to tell ya. When I saw Fiona at the hospital ..  
I didn't know that she would care for me that way. I always thought it was over.." he tried to explain.  
I now realized that it wasn't because of Chibs' wounded pride that he'd been so dissmissive the last few weeks.  
Suddenly I got a very bad feeling about this whole conversation 'cause I knew where this was heading to.

"But now you don't know it anymore? You still love her?" I finally asked him.

The way he looked at me was quite as good as an verbal answer.  
"Ella, I don't know what to feel. I thought I love ya. I still think I do. But .. but she's my wife, ya know.  
It's a bond and that has to mean something. Ya cannot throw that away."

I scoffed. "Then why did we've just had this amazing sex. I'm not dumb or blind.  
Of course I realized that something was on your mind. But tonight I thought it was alright. That you were back."

"Ya looked so hot and sexy tonight. I don't know. It made me forget 'bout the mess in my head." he answered feebly. 

My eyes narrowed and I wasn't able to speak. At this moment I wanted to cry but I was too angry to.

"So, that's what I am to you?" I suddenly screamed. "Just a hot object that you can fuck when you don't want to think about your wife?!  
How can you tell me you love me? And all this fucking Gaelic 'my heart is within you' bullshit?  
I won't sit here, waiting for you to get clear about your feelings and decide who you gonna love. That's not how this works, Filip!"

"Ella, missy.. please, listen. That's so hard for me." He struggled for words.

"Oh well, Filip. Let's make it easy for you then." I scoffed sarcastically.

I knew that what I was gonna say now would change everything but I couldn't let him play with me like that.  
It would hurt, yes. I was aware of that.  
But it wouldn't hurt more than staying with him and living with the feeling that the man I loved was in love with another woman.  
I was too good for that. 

"Get out off my face!" I yelled.  
"It's over. I won't be your pet anymore, Filip.  
And I want you to leave. Now!"


	15. Distracting

**Wow, we reached over 70 Followers!  
I'm so proud of that :)  
Thank you, you guys are amazing!**

 **Hope you'll enjoy this chapter ;)**

* * *

It's been nearly a month since Chibs and I broke up.  
And we haven't talked since then.  
I didn't stop going over to TM and to meet with Gemma or to see the sons, though. I wouldn't do that again.  
No matter what happened between Chibs and me.  
Those people were all I have left now. They're family. And that won't change.

Of course it was hard to see him at TM. We both avoided to talk or even look at each other.  
My heart broke all over again when I spotted his Dyna or when I saw his black-silver hair among the Sons.  
The fact that I ended our relationship didn't mean that I ended my love for him. I still did.  
But I knew that he didn't. And what future would that have?

* * *

"He misses you, you know?" Tig said while working on an old Harley XL 1200.  
He asked me if I could help him a little with that and I didn't hesitate to do so.  
Apparently, they all accepted the fact that I, a woman, knew a lot more about bikes than most of the mechanics and the Sons.

"He's behaving strange since you two split off. Barely talks and always on edge."  
The wrench I held in my hand fell loudly on the floor because my whole body froze at his words.  
I really didn't expect to talk about this with Tig.

"Uh, look, Tig.. I'm sure he doesn't miss _me_. Can we just stop talking and go on working on that motherfuckin' bitch here?"  
I snapped at him and wiped away the sweat from my forehead with the back of my hand.  
But Tig didn't let go.

"Ella, listen. I don't know what happened between you two. And as long as none of you tells me I ain't gonna dig.  
But don't try to push me or anyone else away who wants to help ya, alright? I remember the last time you had a problem and didn't talk to anyone. We haven't seen you in weeks! I don't want this to happen again."  
His voice became a bit stronger and I looked at him with open eyes.  
It never occurred to me that he would actually care what was going on in my love life.

I shyly looked around trying to find any words.  
"Tig, I would never push you away again. You're family. I love you." I smiled a little which softened his face.  
"I love you, too, sweetheart." he then paused for a moment.

"Wow, I've never said that to a woman without the intention to get her in bed." He smirked and I burst out into laughter.  
"Well, I'm flattered. And a little disappointed. I always thought of you as my plan B."

"Plan B?" He asked confused.  
"Well, if things didn't work out with Chibs and me. Then I would still have you to have fun with, Tigster."  
I grinned and he stuttered, obviously didn't realizing that I was joking.  
"Well, uh.. I mean.. I could change that. Maybe we could just .. just try it out. You know, just once.. Maybe I'll enjoy it .. and.. you know."

"Oh, Tig!" Now I really laughed hard. "You're so easy to fool. I was joking. But thanks. Now I know that you would fuck me, if you could."

"Just say a word, sweetheart. I'll be all yours." He put a little kiss on my cheek and then we both laughed.  
"Nah, not gonna happen." I said and he pouted a little. "Fine, you're choice. But you don't know what you gonna miss."

* * *

When I wasn't at TM I distracted myself with work. I took a lot of extra shifts and basically lived at the hospital.  
At home there were simply too many memories of Chibs.  
In the past weeks I learned a lot, especially in the field of neonatal surgery, so that one day Margaret Murphy asked me to see her in her office.

"Miss Priestly, you've been here now for 2 years. And just let me tell you, that I am very glad that you joined us.  
We're really satisfied with your work." she said leaning over my work file.  
"I heard that you're really into the neonatal field, is that right?"

"Thank you, Mrs. Murphy. And yes, it's correct that I like the neonatal field a lot.  
I've learned a lot of things so far there and with Dr. Knowles  
I'm happy to say that I have a great teacher." I smiled proudly.

It was true, working with Tara was the best thing that could've happened to me.  
Despite the fact that she was a great friend she was also a good teacher.  
Sometimes she even let me assist her with small surgeries. I didn't tell Margaret that, though.  
I was sure that this wasn't quite legally since surgeon's assistant was not my 'official' job and it sure would get Tara into a scrape. 

"That's good to hear. See, Helen, our chief nurse in the neonatal ward will retire in three months and we will need a qualified replacement.  
And I was thinking about you."

My jaw dropped. _A promotion!_ I've never thought that I would care about something like that.  
Since I lost the right to earn my license I've kinda lost my motivation to become better in my job.  
Simply having a job in the medical field again was all I ever wished for.  
But this really made me happy.

"Wow! Honestly, I'm speechless. This is .. this is really great."  
I stuttered, trying to contain my excitement a bit before it would get too embarrassing for me.  
"But, don't I have to be a neonatal nurse for that? I mean, I don't have any official qualification."  
Though I worked a lot in that field I've never took any courses in it. Officially I was just a registered nurse.

Margaret face softened and she smiled a little.  
"I'm aware of that, yes. The exams for neonatal nurses will take place in two months at California State University in San Francisco.  
I know that is not a lot of time to prepare but I'm confident that you could easily pass them.  
Although you didn't join the program.  
Fortunately, I know some people at the University's administration who could register you to the program.  
You could officially take the exam then. And there you have you're qualification."

She chuckled a bit and I honestly didn't know what to say. I never took Margaret Murphy to be a woman who would bend the rules a little.  
With he uptight way I always thought she would be stuffy..

"You .. you would do that for .. for me?"  
Pride, Self-Confidence, and Confusion. All those feelings hit me at once.

"It would be a waste of talent if you would stay registered nurse for ever. And St. Thomas needs good expert staff.  
So I don't see any reason why I should not contact some people to let you get your qualification.  
You just have to say 'yes' and I will arrange everything right away."  
She grabbed the receiver to prove that she was serious about it.

"Yes!" I shouted immediately. "Oh, my god. Yes, of course. Thank you!"

* * *

As happy as I was about the promotion it meant that the next two months I had to cram like a maniac.  
The good point was that this meant more distraction, so less time to think about Chibs. 

This day I went over to Tara's after work so that she could help me with some topics I wasn't very versed in.  
But I realized that she was somewhere else with her thoughts. I had to ask her one question two times because she wasn't listening.  
And she mostly stared out the window for a few moments.

"Tara, you okay?" I asked her with concerned face.  
She turned her head around, facing me with glazed eyes.

"I really don't know, Ella. I really don't know." she slightly shook her head and breathed heavily.  
"Why don't you just tell me, what's going on?" I gently touched her hand, offering her a small smile.

"Ella, you have so much on your plate, right now. The whole thing with Chibs, the exam.  
I don't want to put more weight on your shoulders."  
Now it was me who shook her head.

"Tara, you've been there for me all the time. No matter what. The least I can do is being there for you when you need me.  
And I somehow get the feeling that you do need me right now."

It was true. The past weeks it was Tara who comforted me every time I sat at my house, crying over Chibs.  
And it was her who told me to put myself into work.  
Suddenly I realized that I did not know how she was doing the last couple of weeks.

She puffed heavily and then started to talk quickly.  
"Okay, Ella. Ehm, I .. I'm pregnant! For 6 weeks now."

But her face wasn't as happy as someone who's pregnant was supposed to be.  
Instead there was hardly any emotion on her face. She just looked at me with sad eyes.

"And the way you look now, I guess it's not a good thing?" I asked her confused.

She shook her head and covered her face with her hands.  
"No, well, I don't know. I love Abel. And I always wanted to have kids on my own.  
But right now it's the worst that could happen. I'm not sure that Jax is with me in this.  
I'm not sure that I want to raise a child now with him.  
With all the shit that's going on with the club now. Jax wanted to go Nomad, you know. He wanted to leave Charming!  
And I would've stayed here? I know the club is his life. But I am, too! And when I'll have his baby I want to be sure.  
I don't wanna stay at home all day long, waiting for him to come home.  
I mean, I'm afraid everyday that something bad will happen.  
I cannot raise two kids without their father. That's not me, Ella."

The words spread out of her mouth like a waterfall.  
But I just understood half of it.  
What kind of trouble did she mean? And Jax going Nomad?

Tara must have seen the confusing look on my face.  
"Shit, Ella. Chibs was the one who told you about club-business, right?"

"Well, he tried. He told me everything he thought I should know. But the last two months I barely knew anything.  
So, what's going on?" I asked her.

Then she told me her version.  
That Jax wanted to leave SAMCRO because of a fight with Clay. But that he decided to stay after Gemma finally told them about her rape.  
And that she wasn't quite sure what trouble the club was in 'cause Jax didn't explain her everything.  
But the way he acted she knew that something big was going on.

"And I hate it, Ella. I hate to know that this probably won't change ever. That this will be my life.  
Living in constant danger. Not knowing that I, and my family, are safe.  
I want a child. I really do. But not under those circumstances."

And now she couldn't hold back her tears. I got up from my seat and put my arms around her, softly stroking her back.  
"Shh, it's gonna be alright, Tara. Everything's gonna be alright.  
Take your time to decide what you wanna do. I'll be there for you. No matter what you do."  
I'll _even raise that child with you .._ I thought.

We stood there for about 10 minutes, none of us speaking a word.  
When Tara was calm again she finally said: "Thank you, Ella. For listening."

"Always." I smiled and kissed her on the forehead.  
"But what am I gonna do now?" She asked quietly.

"Whenever you are ready you should tell Jax. He deserves to know. And you should tell him how you feel about your situation.  
Tara, he loves you. I'm sure he'll understand."

We broke the hug and Tara wiped away the tears with her hands.  
"I guess, you're right." she sniffled. Before she could say anything else her phone rang and a second later mine.  
"Now, that's awkward." I laughed a little. And she did, too.

"It's Jax." Tara said and took the call, leaving me in the kitchen while she went over to the bedroom.

I watched at my display. It was Tig.  
"What's up?" I asked, as I took the call.  
"Sorry to bother you, sweetheart. Just wanted to tell you to come over to TM tomorrow at 10.00 a.m. It's important.  
Call in sick for the couple of days. We gonna need you. Club's in some trouble and we wanna know you all are safe.  
It's gonna be a busy day tomorrow. Have some rest. I'll see ya tomorrow."

I fell silent for a few seconds then I collected myself.  
"Okay, I'll be there. Thanks. And be safe, Tig. And tell the other to be, too."  
"I will, Ella." And then he hung up.

* * *

It was 9 a.m. when I drove into the parking lot of TM. Somehow I couldn't sit still at home.  
My sleep was very restless since I did not know what was going on.  
I called St. Thomas and called in sick for a week. Then I packed up a bag for every possible scenario.  
I did not know if I was gonna stay at TM for a couple of days or if they needed medical equipment so I grabbed everything that could be of use.

There were already a bunch of people in the club house. Some of them playing pool and some just sitting around, chatting with each other.  
I did not know most of them. I recognized some crow-eaters and old ladies.  
But there were also some men I didn't know who wore cuts as well. When I took a closer look at them I saw that they came from different charters. I've never known that there were so many.

I spotted Lyla on a couch and sat next to her. The blonde woman and I weren't close.  
Actually I barely knew her. I just know that she had a thing going on with Opie and she seemed to be a nice girl.

"Hey." I greeted her with a smile, which she returned. "Hi. It's Ella, right?" I nodded.  
"Yeah. What a crazy day, huh?" I said, rubbing my knees with my hands.  
"Hell yeah. I ain't gonna work today. So that's no money. That really sucks. You have any idea what's going on?"  
"Not a clue." I answered, "I think they'll explain it soon." Lyla smiled at me. She looked so innocent and sweet.  
If I didn't know it better I wouldn't believe that she's raising three children now. _What an incredible woman.  
_  
"You are Chibs' Old Lady, aren't you?" she asked friendly.  
Obviously somebody told her about me using the term 'Old Lady' which made me proud for a second.  
I never called myself that but apparently others did.

My pride didn't last long, though. Soon it was replaced bitterness. And it felt like my heart sank into my belly.  
"I was ... I think." I told her and faked a little smile. She just nodded, realizing that I didn't want to talk about it.  
Nervously I looked at the clock. It was exactly 10.00 a.m.

Shortly after I saw Jax and Tara enter the club house. And then Chibs.  
So I looked away immediately, not wanting to have eye contact with him. It still hurt to be around him.

A loud whistle shrilled through the whole room causing everybody to shut up and listen to Clay who was standing in front of everyone.

"I wanna welcome you all to Club Reaper." he began.  
"I'm glad you made your reservations early, 'cause as you can see we are booked to capacity."  
Some guys chuckled to that joke, which lightened up the mood in the room a little.

"You're here because you're family. And because SAMCRO takes care of it's own."  
Clay continued. That lightened up my mood my mood, too.  
Somehow those words comforted me. To know that I belonged to that family.

"Next couple of days, this club's got some business to handle, that could put our members and the people connected to us in … unfriendly situations. Now, chances are that nothing's gonna happen, but people have already been hurt on my watch.  
And that ain't never gonna happen again." He made a little pause and searched eye contact with Gemma. I knew what he was referring, too.

"Nobody gets in. Nobody leaves without an escort. You got a safety concern, you talk to Piney."  
He pointed at Piney who was standing some next to the entrance and holding up his gun so that everyone would know who he was.  
"You got a comfort concern, you talk to my queen." Now Gemma raised a hand and nodded.  
"And if you got some medical issues, I'm sure Tara or Ella will help you."

I didn't expect Clay to have a 'job' for me to do so I was a bit surprised to hear my name coming out of his mouth.  
I made eye contact with him and nodded to show him that I was okay with that.  
Then I stood up and waved shyly at everybody.

He ended his speech by saying:  
"Under this roof, you'll all be safe. I want you to make yourself at home. I love all of ya."

After he finished everybody was clapping and started to continue chatting.  
Except for the patched members who quickly made their way to church.


	16. CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

**Hey Guys :)**

 **This chapter is about how the Sons celebrate Christmas.**  
 **It takes place before Ella and Chibs got together. Even before their One-Night-Stand.**  
 **So around chapter 4, I think.**

 **It's not necessarily important for the ongoing story-line.**  
 **Though I hope you'll like it, too**

 **I just wanted to give you a little Christmas present**  
 **as a 'thank you' for being so supportive :)**

 **Without you Ella and the story wouldn't be the way they are now.**  
 **Thank you so much, you're the best!**

 **I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a good time with your loved ones.**  
 **I hope some of you will have snow on Christmas.**  
 **In Germany the chances are pretty low :D**  
 **We have about 5°C here!**

 **I think I'll present you the new regular chapter before New Year.**  
 **If not, I wish you a Happy New Year, too.**

 **May all your dreams come true and if not, take it easy ;)**  
 **There's no need to be stressed.**

 **So, enough of the talking!**

 **Here's my present to you, my lovely readers :***

* * *

"Ya got any plans for Christmas, missy?" Chibs asked me one day at TM.  
We were still restoring the old Panhead and he asked me If I could help him.  
Of course I said 'yes'. I loved being at TM with all those beautiful bikes there.  
And I loved spending time with Chibs. I didn't know what it was but this man had a huge attraction to me.  
Sure, I knew that this would mean nothing. We were good friends and I wanted that to stay this way.  
But that didn't mean that I couldn't have a little crush on him, did it?

"Ehm, not exactly, no. I just thought I would take some extra shifts at the hospital." I answered as I checked the motor.

"Nah, ya ain't gonna do that." he explained, wiping his oily hands on his tank top.  
"No?" I asked him with a girlish smile. "Why is that?"

He looked at me with his deep brown eyes and for a moment I forgot that we were at the garage.  
 _Damn, why was he so attractive?!_ That really made it hard for me to concentrate.

"Gemma's having a big Christmas dinner at hers. Everybody's invited. Ya too, of course.  
She wanted me to tell ya." he grinned, waiting for my answer. "So?"

I was overwhelmed with happiness. This would be my first real Christmas dinner in years!  
I remembered the last time my family was together, celebrating Christmas.  
My mum and brother were still alive then. And my dad hadn't turned into a cruel monster.  
I wished I knew back then how my story would develop.

"Oh, I would love to. That would be great. Thank you." I jumped up and put my arms around Chibs, pulling him into a deep hug.  
Unfortunately it was all a bit clumsy, so that he lost his balance and we both fell on the floor, my lying on top of him.

I could feel the warmth of his body under me. His body was moving with every breath he took.  
His scent, a mix of tobacco and oil, went into my nose, making me all dizzy.  
I've never been so close to him. For a few moments we didn't say anything.  
Just looking into each others eyes.

Before anyone of us could say anything our tension was cut of by a female voice.  
"You having fun, huh?"  
It was Gemma. She stood in front of us, her arms crossed, with a big grin on her face.  
I jumped up on my feet and straightened my clothes and smiled shyly back at her.  
Chibs got up and continued with the Panhead.

"Ehm.. yeah, well .. ehm.. Chibs told me about Christmas."  
I wanted to change the subject as quick as possible, avoiding any further comments from Gemma.  
"Thank you. You can count me in!" With my hands I formed finger-guns and clicked my tongue.  
 _Brilliant! Not at all embarrassing, Ella. Great job!_

With raised eyebrows Gemma eyed me. Then her face softened.  
"Good. We'll be happy to have you there." She smiled. "But I don't do any Tofu shit, darlin'"  
She laughed and I could hear Chibs chuckle a little behind me.  
"No problem. If you want I'll help you with the preparations and cook something vegetarian.  
I'll bet Half-Sack's gonna be happy about this, too." I said with a grin.

"That's alright with me. Let's say 12 at my place on Christmas Eve." Gemma said happily and wanted to leave.  
But she turned around half way.  
"Oh, Ella. I forgot. We'll be doing Secret Santa this year. So be at the clubhouse today at 8. We gonna pick the names then."  
Then she left the garage.

I turned around to Chibs, smiling brightly.  
Finally, I would celebrate Christmas again, Surrounded by the people I loved.

* * *

"So, the traditional SAMCRO-Christmas event." Clay said loudly in front of everyone.  
We we're all gathered around in the club house. All the members were there with their families.  
Some kids were running around, filling the clubhouse with laughter.

"As you all know, we're doing Secret Santa this year.  
Each of you will pick a name out of the box and this person will receive a present from you on Christmas Eve.  
So, our little Christmas elf will now go around with the box full of names.  
If you'll pick your own name, put the paper back into the box and pick another one."

At first I didn't know what he meant with "Christmas elf" but when I saw Half-Sack it was pretty clear.  
He was all dressed up as a Christmas elf. Or I should say a 'sexy Christmas elf'.  
His head was covered with a tiny red-green hat and he got some plastic pointed ears stuck to his own.  
He wore a tight red dress that glittered like a disco-ball and white red stockings.

All the guys were howling when they saw him and the ladies burst out into laughter.  
Even I couldn't contain myself.

Over the past few months I understood a little of the hierarchy among SAMCRO. And Half-Sack as a prospect had to do all those dirty jobs.  
Or those where you're being laughed at.  
Telling from his flushed cheeks I guessed he wasn't pretty happy about his outfit.

It took a while until everyone got his piece of paper. I hoped so much to select someone I knew.  
I wouldn't know what to do if I picked the name of someone's Old Lady.  
When Half-Sack finally got to me I gave him a little wink. "Looking good, Half-Sack. The ladies gonna love it."  
His cheeks just turned red and he didn't say anything.

Then I put my hand into the box and selected a paper.  
When I looked on the name written on it, I was relieved. I picked Tig.

"Hey, psst, Ella." It was Juice. "Who you got? Do you wanna trade?"  
Bobby, who heard everything gave him a slap on the back of his head.  
"It's Secret Santa, douchebag. No trading!" I burst out into laughter. "Exactly." I agreed with Bobby.  
Juice scratched the back of his head and turned away, obviously pouting.

Then Bobby faced me and asked. "So, who you got, darlin'?" he grinned like a schoolboy.  
"Bobby!" I warned him playfully. "Rules are rules."  
"Yeah, yeah, okay. You're right." he said. "Do you wanna have a drink?"  
"Yes, please. Surprise me." I smiled and Bobby went over to the bar, chuckling.

Among the crowd I spotted Chibs and made my way to him.  
"Poor Half-Sack." I said and pointed over to him, fumbling with his stockings.  
"Well, that's the prospect's life. Trust me, We've all been there." Chibs answered, grinning.  
"Oh, really?!" I imagined Bobby or Tig wearing one of those costumes.  
"So, did you?" I asked Chibs, smirking at him childishly.

"Well, some things better stay secret, missy." I raised an eyebrow then snorted with laughter.  
"Guess, you were a cute elf, then." I winked at him playfully.  
"At least as cute as a motorcycle-repairing nurse." He answered and smiled shyly at me.  
 _Was he really flirting with me?_

* * *

It was Christmas Eve and I knocked on Gemma's door just on time.  
"Come in!" I heard her say from inside.  
When I entered her house it was like I visited the inside of Winter Wonderland.  
There was no spot left that wasn't covered in mistletoe, candy canes, little porcelain angels or lametta.  
This was amazing!

With wide eyes and open mouth I stood in the doorway, not able to speak a word.  
"Looks like the inside of Santa's ass, right?" Gemma said proudly, nudging me with her elbow.  
I was still speechless as my eyes wandered around.  
They stopped on the enormous Christmas tree, that was standing at the end of the room.

"Oh my god!" I whispered and rushed to it to see it in detail.  
There weren't regular Christmas balls on it. Instead it was laden with tiny models of Harley Davidsons.  
This was the Christmas tree of my dreams!

Finally, I was able to talk again. "Wow, Gemma. I love it!"  
"Glad, that you like it." She smiled brightly. "Clay's not impressed by it. But I don't care."  
We both laughed loudly. "So, you can put you Secret Santa present under the tree, and then we start cooking.  
I'm curious what kinda green thing you'll be cooking."

I did as she said and joined her in the kitchen to unpack my shopping basket.  
"So, I thought of making some roasted garlic mushroom and a hearty vegetable pot pie and a pumpkin pie for dessert."  
I presented my groceries and hoped Gemma was alright with that.  
"Well, that doesn't sound as bad as I thought." She chuckled and I smiled relieved.

"The turkey is already in the oven. So I'm gonna prepare the side dishes now. Mashed sweet potatoes, bakes onions and green beans.  
And I wanted to make an apple pie for dessert."  
"Yeah, that sound good, too. Plus Half-Sack and I can eat the side dishes, too." I smiled.  
This would be a wonderful evening.

* * *

Cooking with Gemma was way less stressful than I thought.  
She wasn't as bossy as I assumed and asked for my advice from time to time.  
In our little breaks we drank dome eggnog, which made the mood quite chill.

"Ella, what I always wanted to ask you." She started, a cigarette in her right and a glass of eggnog in her left hand.  
"You and Chibs .. what's the deal about that?"  
"Well, there's no deal. I like him very much." I played a bit naive. Of course, she knew that I had a little crush on him.  
"Hm, okay. You know, I don't believe you. But that's fine by me. Some time I'm gonna ask you again." She winked at me and I blushed.

"So, it seems like everything is nearly ready. People will be here around 6. So that's still one hour left.  
Would you mind helpin' me with setting the table?!" She asked and stood up, so did I. "Of course, no problem."  
"Thank you, sweetheart. Oh, and merry Christmas."  
Suddenly she put a motherly kiss on my mouth. At first I was a bit confused, then she pointed up.  
"Mistletoe." She said and we both laughed.  
"I'm afraid that this will happen a lot more today. There are mistletoes everywhere, Gemma."

* * *

I've never been in at a dining table that was so crowded.  
It was hard to eat without touching the elbows of the persons right next to you. But I loved it!  
Though it was a bit cramped, it was also kind of cozy.

And it was loud. At every corner of the table there was a different talk.  
I, who sat in the middle between Chibs and Bobby, couldn't follow any conversation.  
But I thought it was funny. This was my best Christmas ever.

After dinner some people stood up and went over to the kitchen, some stayed seated and continued their talks.  
"Excuse me for a minute. I'll be right back." Bobby said and left Chibs and me alone.  
"God, I'm so full." Chibs said and shifted a little bit back with his chair.  
"Yeah, me too. But it was all so good. I wanted to taste everything. Well, 'cept the turkey." I giggled and stretched my arms.

"I think we could use some shots, huh?" Chibs asked and before I could answer he poured me a tiny glass with Jägermeister.  
"Merry Christmas, Ella." He raised his glass and I clinked my glass with his.  
"Merry Christmas, Filip." And then we poured down the booze.

"Oh, I forgot.." I noted and got closer to put a little kiss on his cheeks that lasted a little longer that I've intended it.  
He looked at me with a mix of confusion and happiness.  
"Mistletoe." I whispered and looked up.  
His cheeks blushed a little and he poured us another round of Jäger.

Suddenly the room was filled with a loud, deep laughter.  
"Ho, ho, ho!" Everyone turned around to where the noise came from.  
Next to the Christmas tree stood Bobby, dressed in a Santa Claus costume.

The whole room clapped an cheered.  
"Hope you had a fuckin' great Christmas so far, everybody. And before I'll put out my "nice-and-naughty-list" I want you all to sing a song with me."  
And then he intoned "Silent Night" in his Elvis voice.

I've never thought that biker had so beautiful voices but apparently they had.  
The whole room sang and it sounded so great that I got goosebumps.

"Sleep in heavenly peace." I sang and Chibs turned around and whispered in my hear.  
"Ya got a lovely voice, missy." I shook my head and turned all red.  
Still with his face so close to mine he put a little kiss on my cheeks.

Then the song ended and Bobby started to distribute the presents.  
"So, this one's for .. Opie." He was given a small box and hesitantly opened it.  
It was a gray beanie with the SOA logo on it. "Wow, thank you." He smiled like a little boy. "Who was it?"  
"Me, darling." Gemma said and went over to Opie to hug him.

Then Piney got his gift. A new black flask, with a reaper on it.  
It was from Clay and the both elderly men chuckled.

"So, this one's for Tig." Bobby said and Tig's eyes glowed like he was a little boy.  
It was so hard for me to pick a good gift for him. But I took Tig for a funny guy, and he loved women.  
So I tried to combine these two factors.

"Oh my God. This is so great." He yelled and jumped up.  
"It's a pocket calender for every day. With pictures of lovely, nude girls. Damn!"  
Everyone in the room was laughing.

"So, that you can jerk off every time you want, Tigster!". I shouted through the room and laughed.  
"Ella? That yours? Uhh, you know me so well, sweetheart."  
He walked to me and kissed me on my forehead.

"Okay, now Ella, this one's for you." Bobby said and gave me my present.  
It was a little box, wrapped in red paper. I opened it carefully.  
Inside there was a bracelet with tiny pendants attached to it.

When I took a closer look I recognized a little motorcycle, a carrot, a bear and a heart.  
As soon as I saw the fifth pendant I knew who was my Secret Santa.  
It was a little green shamrock.

I looked at Chibs with questioning look and he nodded.  
Then I smiled and formed a little 'thank you' with my mouth.

He took the bracelet and wired it around my wrist.  
"Ya see, this is because yer into bikes." He said and pointed on the motorcycle.  
"This is obviously because ya just eatin' vegetables." He meant the carrot and we both chuckled a little.  
"The bear stand for yer strength. 'Cause yer a strong, confident woman.  
And this .." he took the little heart in his hands. " .. is because I really like you, Ella."


	17. Forgetting

**A happy New Year to all of you :***  
 **It's been a while, I know.**  
 **I hope you enjoyed the little Christmas Special :)**  
 **And for those who wanted to know how the story continues ..**  
 **Tadaaa! Here it is, the new chapter :)**  
 **I just own my OC.**  
 **SoA and its wonderful characters belong to the talented Mr. Kurt Sutter!**

 **Thank you for your support!**  
 **Please, don't forget to leave a review ;)**

* * *

The situation in the clubhouse was kind of awkward. No one knew what was going on.  
Except for the members, though. I hated it to be left in the dark. It felt like being in a prison.  
I wasn't allowed to go anywhere without telling anyone and if I wanted to go anywhere there was always someone with me.

"Gemma, what the hell is going on here? Do I really need to sleep here?" I asked Gemma in a quiet moment.  
"Ella, honey. You need to trust the club. This is all just for your own safety. For our all safety."  
She gently stroked my arm with her hand.  
I sighed loudly.  
Although I knew that this was probably for the best I couldn't stand the fact to be under a roof with Chibs.

"He won't be here at all. They need to handle club-business." Gemma said as she looked at my annoyed face, obviously understanding why I was so uncomfortable with staying here.  
I gave her a little smile, showing her that I understood.  
There was no way that I could win an argument with Gemma. 

Suddenly there was a loud scream. It sounded like a little child.  
A minute after a little girl, around 5 years old, hobbled into the clubhouse followed by other children.  
She was crying and searching for her mother. A tall blonde got up and reached for her daughter.

"What happened, sweety?" The girl wasn't able to speak. She just cried and pointed on her foot.  
"Ouuh." she said under tears.  
"She stepped on a bee." Another girl said.  
"Oh, honey!" The mother put her daughter into a big hug. "It'll be alright."

I got up from my stool and went over to the little girl, leaning on my knees so that I could face her.  
"Hey you. I'm Ella. And what's your name?" The girl looked up. Her eyes were blue and all swollen.  
She sniffled a little then said. "Emily."

"Ok, Emily. You know, I work at a hospital. Do you want me to take a look at your foot?"  
I asked her watching over to her mother who nodded. Shyly the little girl nodded.  
"Okay, now. Let me get you on a chair." I lifted Emily up and put her on the stool I just sat in.  
"Now, you're a big girl." I said with a smile and Emily proudly sat on the big chair like she was on a throne.

I examined her foot. The area around the sting was all swollen and red, but it didn't seem like an allergic reaction. This was a good sign.  
I turned around to the mother. "So, it's nothing serious. The sting has to be put out, though.  
And then you need to cool it. But I will drive over to St. Thomas and get an antiseptic ointment. Just in case."

"Alright. Thank you. I'm Lisa, by the way. Happy's cousin." she reached out her hand and I shook it.  
"Hi Lisa. I'm Ella. I was with .. I'm a friend of the club." I corrected myself.  
"Yeah, I know." She said and smiled.

* * *

"So, Piney. I need to go over to St. Thomas to get some stuff." The old man eyed me seriously.  
Then he let out a loud sigh.  
"Guess you're right. But you ain't going alone, sweetheart." He raised a finger.

"But, Piney. It's just a 10 minute ride. I'll be careful. Come on!" I protested but I knew that this was useless.  
"Uhu. No way in arguing that, Ella." His voice got stronger and I suddenly felt like a little girl who asked her father about permission to go to a concert or something.

He let out a sharp whistle and waved over a tall, blonde man. "Kozik, come over here!"  
The blonde came over and I had to admit that he was quite handsome.  
He kinda looked like a surfer with his blonde hair and his tanned skin.  
Though his face appeared to be more mature than the one of a surfer.  
He had some wrinkles around his eyes which just made him more attractive.

"Ella, this is Herman Kozik. Member of the Tacoma charter. He will escort you to St. Thomas."  
The man grinned at me and nodded his head. So did I.  
"Well, ok. Let's go then." I said and excited the clubhouse, Kozik following me.  
As I reached my bike and was about to put on my helmet I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Whatya doing?" Kozik said and chuckled a little.  
I eyed him confused. "Ehm, ride to St. Thomas?!"  
The big blonde shook his head. "Oh no. You ain't riding a bike. Come on, hop in the SUV. I'll drive."  
 _No way! I wasn't even allowed to drive my bike?! That sucked!_

I remained where I stood and huffed, crossing my arms before my chest.  
"It's not up to me, Ella. Orders. So just play along. Make it easy. For me AND you."  
Kozik said and threw me a little smile. I couldn't be mad about him. It wasn't his fault. And I was sure Piney wouldn't be happy if he knew that Kozik let me ride my bike. So, I gave in.  
"Fine."

* * *

"So, you're a doctor then?" Kozik asked me while he was driving the SUV.  
"Ehm, no. A nurse. I'm about to gain my specialization in neonatal nursery."  
"Wow, cool. It's good that the club has a real medic. Avoids a lot of trouble with the authorities.  
You know, in Tacoma we just try to patch us up ourselves."

I turned to him with open eyes, a little shocked.  
"Oh, don't worry. We got pretty good." He chuckled and then held his arm in front of me.  
On his forearm I could see a large thick scar.  
"Did it myself." Kozik said proudly with a boyish smile. "And I did not die."

"Yeah, but you shouldn't plan on becoming a plastic surgeon. This scar looks awful."  
I laughed and enjoyed mocking him a little.  
"Well, the ladies love the scars." He replied with self-confidence.  
"Keep telling yourself that." I scoffed with a grin. "But I think they just love the reaper."

Kozik turned his head and faced me. He had a little smirk on his lips and winked.  
"Sweety, as long as I get sex I don't question the reasons behind it."

For a second I remained silent, not knowing if he was joking or if he really was this self-confident and cocky. Anyway, he had such a stupid macho expression written on his face that it was hard not to laugh.

"Oh, those lucky crow-eaters!" I snorted with laughter and Kozik giggled a little.  
We continued laughing for a while when we finally reached St. Thomas.  
"Ok, it'll be just 5 minutes. You can just wait here in the car."  
I said and jumped out of the car, closing the door behind me.

I was about to go when I heard another slam of the door.  
I turned around and saw Kozik walking over to me.  
"You really wanna put me in danger, huh? No, no. No walking around alone, sweety.  
I'll go with you."

 _Oh yeah. The stupid lockdown_. For a moment, I forgot about it. But I didn't want to argue with Kozik.  
Actually, I enjoyed his company and I was sure he could keep me safe if something happened.  
I couldn't admit it before, but he was right. Ladies love scars.  
Or at least I did. It's a cliché, I know. And I wasn't proud about it, believe me.  
But scars are my soft spot.  
Besides that Kozik was an extremely handsome man.  
You really could get lost in his eyes if you just looked at him for too long.

* * *

We entered the entrance hall and went straight to the elevator where I pressed the number 6 for the right floor.  
The door closed and the elevator went up.  
When I turned around to chat a little with Kozik I caught him watching me.  
His sensitive eyes were pinned to my face and it took him a moment to realize that I was looking back at him.

"Oh, sorry." His voice shook a little and he blushed a little. "It's just .. you know.. you're beautiful. Sorry, I couldn't stop staring." He scratched the back of his head and looked kind of lost.  
I smiled back at him, a little flattered by the compliment.

"Don't be sorry. Sometimes it's nice to hear that you're beautiful. Thank you."  
He let out a loud sigh. "Ok, well, uh. Let's just not talk about it again. It's awkward."  
I grinned a little and nodded my head. "Okay, check."

Before it could get any more awkward the elevator stopped and the door opened.  
I was about to go to the room where all the medicine was stored when I heard a shrill voice.  
"Ella? I thought you were sick!"  
When I turned around I was faced with Irene Suller, a colleague.  
We weren't close, though. To be honest, I couldn't stand her at all.  
She was loud, dull and sometimes a bit slow-witted.  
 _Shit!_

"Irene!" I made sure that my voice cracked a little. Between the words I sniffed a little.  
"Oh .. yes, I am. I just came by to grab some files so that I could work at home a bit."  
I forced myself to smile before I acted a cough.  
"Isn't she a busy bee!" Irene yelled with her shrill voice. "Come on, sit down. I'll grab them for you."  
The files were on the counter, not even 50 meters away from us.  
I needed more time to grab the medicine. Sure, I could just go there.  
But I didn't want Irene to ask some stupid questions.

I gave Kozik a look signalizing him that this was not the way it was planned. I needed him to distract her.  
Clueless he looked back at me and I had to punch him softly on his arm and nodded over to Irene who just got the files and was about to come back to us.

"So, you're working with Ella?" Kozik asked Irene who just realized that I came with him.  
Her eyes widened a little when she checked him out. A bit too obvious, for my taste.  
Kozik gave her his brightest smile. "How .. how do you know Ella?"  
A little shy she touched his arm.  
"Oh, we're just friends. Sorry, I didn't get your name, sweetheart."  
"It's Irene."

"What a beautiful name for such a beautiful woman." He said and I nearly broke out in laughter.  
But Irene really fell for it and giggled like a school girl. "Oh, stop it!"  
Kozik gave me a sign that I could go now while he put an arm around Irene's shoulder whispering something in her ear. I could still hear her stupid giggle when I was in the medicine room.  
 _What has he whispered into his ear? This man really had a gift in flirting._

I grabbed all the things I needed and hid them under my hoodie.  
It took me not even 2 minutes and I was back at Kozik's side. Irene didn't even seem to notice that I was gone. She was still giggling.  
"So, Irene. It was nice meeting you." Kozik said when he saw me standing next to him again.  
He leaned over and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Bye, sweetheart."

Irene just stood there, paralyzed, holding her cheek where his lips touched it.

* * *

When we were in the elevator again and the door closed behind us I couldn't contain myself anymore.  
I broke out into loud laughter. I laughed so hard that my eyes filled with little tears.  
"Wow! She totally fell for your cheesy flirting."  
"You MADE me do it." Kozik, who was also laughing, responded.  
"Now you make me feel like a pimp. Nice!"

We were still laughing on our way back to the car. My cheeks hurt so much from all the laughter and I suddenly realized that I haven't had so much fun in the last few weeks like I had today.

Maybe it was time to move on and forget about Chibs. Forget about the pain he caused me.  
Forget the feelings I had for him.  
That I loved him.


	18. Healing

**Wow! We did it! 90 Followers J**  
 **Thank you guys soo much :***

 **As you probably realized, Kozik will play a bigger role in the next few chapters.**  
 **This is still a Chibs/OC story, trust me!**  
 **Ella still needs some healing and before the two will get closer again it takes some time.**

 **And maybe Kozik is exactly what she needs right now?!**  
 **(Well, we will see ;) )**

 **While writing this story I realized that I cannot follow the storyline exactly.**  
 **So I just follow it loosely.**  
 **Like I said before .. I just have a rough idea of what will happen in the long run.**  
 **Therefore every chapter is a surprise – even for me :D**

 **So I hope you like this one and feel free to give me feedback.**  
 **And maybe we can crack the 100! ;)**

* * *

"Thank you." I said and gave Kozik a slight kiss on the cheek.  
We were back at the clubhouse and stood in the entrance.  
He looked at me with a confused look. "For what?" he asked, smiling shyly.  
"For keeping me safe, and for making me laugh." I replied.  
Then I left him standing there, searching for little Emily to treat her.

I found her on the couch, her mother holding a big cool pad on her foot.  
"So, here is the ointment. Put it on 3 times a day for three days. It'll be fine then."  
I handed the package over to Lisa.  
"Thank you, Ella. Looks like Kozik and you had fun, huh?"

"Eh.. I don't know what you mean. He's nice, yeah. But there's nothing going on."  
I blushed a little, trying to defend myself.  
Lisa just let out a loud laugh. "Oh honey. Every woman around here, who can think straight, had at least one crush on him. I mean, come on. Look at this cute motherfucker. I swear, the best sex I ever had."

"No way!" I said and punched Lisa softly on the shoulder.  
"You and Kozik? Was it serious?" By those words, Lisa couldn't hide back the laughter.  
"Oh no, honey! You don't have anything 'serious' with Herman Kozik.  
But if you want to blow of some steam, he's the man! When Emily's dad just left me that was a hard time.  
But I wasn't alone. I had the club to talk to, the girls who listened, and well.. Herman Kozik to make me feel like a woman again."

Before I could say anything our conversation was interrupted by a loud fight.  
"..not Tacoma! Don't get involved. She's not one of your toys!" I heard Tig screaming.  
The next thing I saw was how Kozik fell back on the floor because Tig had punched him in the face.  
He didn't lay long on the floor, though. Jumping up quickly, he run towards Tig and knocked him over.  
They continued their fight on the floor and I was surprised that no one interrupted.

I looked over to Lisa who just shrugged her shoulders.  
"That happens all the time between those two. They have some history."

I wondered what kind of history that was.  
The way the two fought with each other made me assume that it had to be some serious shit. Or pussy.

Before it could get any worse it was Piney who stopped the fight.  
"Enough!" he yelled and I swear I've never heard him raise his voice so loud.  
In a second the whole room fell silent and the two men let go of each other.

"Now is not the time for your stupid little fights!" Piney continued.  
"Tig, go outside and get a clear head. And Kozik, you stay here. I don't want anything like this happen ever again.  
You hear me?!" Both of the men nodded half-hearted then they did what they've been told.

I grabbed my first aid kid and stepped outside. Maybe I could treat Tig's wounds.  
And moreover, get to know the reason for the fight.

* * *

"Mind if I join?" I gently said and as an answer Tig patted the seat beside him.  
He was smoking a cigarette, calmly blowing out the smoke.  
When I said next to him I took a closer look at his face. It wasn't that bad.  
His nose was bleeding though. And he had a little cut on his eyebrow. But as far as I could see nothing needed stiches.  
I handed him a clean tissue so that he could wipe away the blood on his face.

I prepared a swab with alcohol to disinfect the wounds. Then I silently started to treat is face.  
His jaw tensed a little when the alcohol hit the wounds.  
After a while I broke the silence. "Look, I won't ask why but you have to .."  
"You." He interrupted me. "You were the reason."  
I stopped dabbing his face and looked at Tig, confused.

"I don't understand. Me?"  
Tig took a long puff at his cigarette and breathed the smoke out through his nose.  
"Listen, Ella. Somehow I have some brotherly feelings for you. I don't want you to get hurt."  
He smiled at me and I returned his smile.  
"And maybe I got a bit overprotective back there. I just saw you kissing that jerk on the cheek.  
And the next thing I heard was one of the Tacoma boys asking him if he's "gonna hit that thing".  
Like you're a filthy crow-eater. Damn!"  
Tig's eyes filled with rage and anger and I softly stroke his head.

"Tiggy. You're sweet. But you know you don't have to start a fight for me.  
What did Kozik answer anyway that you would punch him?"  
"Don't remember the exact words. He wasn't averse to it, though. Said somethin' like 'all the girls want Kozik'."  
I giggled a little about that. But Tig didn't seem to think it was funny.  
I stopped smiling when I saw his worried look. So tried to calm him.

"Tig, I love you. You're my brother. BUT you need to understand that I can take care of myself, too.  
And if I wanted to sleep with Kozik or any other guy. Then that's my thing. Thank you for protecting me.  
But I don't think that Kozik is the one I need protection from. Somehow I even like him."  
Tig's eyes widened in shock and he was about to say something but I interrupted him.

"I'm not saying that I love him or anything. He seems like a nice guy. To me.  
But I don't think that's the problem here.  
Whatever happened between you two I'm not a part of it!"  
"So, you don't wanna fuck him?" Tig said with puppy eyes.  
I sighed loudly. "Look. Maybe I want it. Maybe I don't. But that's not the issue here.  
Would it be such a big deal if I did it? You guys fuck around a lot and nobody seems to care."

"Yeah, Ella. But we have needs. Sometimes we need to get some awful shit out of our systems.  
And the best cure for that it pussy." He chuckled a little, trying to lighten my mood.  
I just shook my head. "Ok, I understand that. But don't you think sometimes a woman need to get some things out of her head, too? And maybe all she needs is some meaningless sex? A dick can be a cure, too, you know?  
You are all about the anarchy, about not giving a fuck. So don't give me that double-standard-bullshit."  
I chuckled a little and poked him in the arm.

"You may be right, Ella. But I still hate that prick. Sorry, can't change it."  
"Fine by me. For as long as I'm not the reason for you two fighting."  
I sat next to Tig, pulled an arm around him and rested my head on his shoulder.  
Then I grabbed his cigarette and took a large puff.

"You are such a smart girl, Ella. Would have made a fine old lady. Chibs is such a douchebag for not recognizing this."  
Tig whispered in my hair when he put a small kiss on my head.  
"Yeah, he is." I said with no emotion in my voice. "But that chapter is closed now."

* * *

It was about dawn when all the members made themselves ready for the big fight against the Aryan Brotherhood.  
The old ladies kissed their men goodbye and slowly the men went to their bikes.  
I gave Tig a huge hug. "Take care, big brother." I whispered into his ear.  
"Don't worry, Ella. You see how I messed up Kozik, right? I can handle a few Nazi pricks."  
He chuckled and I gave him an annoyed look. "Don't start again, Tiggy." I chuckled a little.  
Then he gave me kiss on the forehead and went to his Dyna.

When I turned around I nearly bumped into Kozik.  
"Oh, sorry!" I apologized and looked at him. Finally, I could see the damage Tig done to him.  
They both really know how to fight. He just looked as miserable as Tig did.  
He gave me a little smile. "Sure, you heard 'bout the fight." Kozik said, pointing on his black eye.  
"Yeah, I was there, remember?" I chuckled a little and he joined in.

"You know, I would give you a kiss to say good luck. But I'm not sure that you would survive this." I joked.  
"Well, you're probably right." He winked and stretched a hand to me. "So, we keep it formal then. See you, Ella."  
I laughed and shook his hand. It was rough and strong and with my thumb I could feel the bruises from the fight at his knuckles. I didn't let go of his hand and he didn't make any move to do so either.  
It seemed like time stopped and I could hear my own heartbeat in my head.  
It took me a while to say something.  
"Be careful, okay?"  
"I will." he replied softly and then went to his bike.

* * *

"Hey, how you're holding up?" I sat next to Tara and offered her a smile.  
It's been 4 hours since the guys left and it was already dark outside. The long waiting was tough for everyone.  
But I knew that it bothered Tara the most. She hid it very well but she couldn't keep it away from me.  
"I'll do my best." She faked a smile and with one hand touched her belly.  
"But in times like these it's hard to stay focused."  
She sighed out loud. "I still haven't told him yet, Ella. But I decided what to do."

A smile flit across her face and with sparkling eyes Tara whispered.  
"I'm gonna keep it. And I'll tell Jax as soon as he's back safely."  
"Oh, Tara. That's great!" I shouted out. Then I realized that no one else knew yet and Tara probably wanted to keep it this way. So, I lowered my voice. "Sorry." I chuckled. "I'm so happy for you."

Before I could pull her into a deep hug the door of the clubhouse swung open.  
Jax, Tig and Bobby stepped into the clubhouse, followed by the others. All of them.

Relief spread across the whole place.  
They seemed to be all fine, except for some bruises and cuts that could be patched up easily.  
As soon as everyone was inside the clubhouse the music was turned on and a little celebration began.  
Me on the other hand grabbed my medical kit and started to take care of some wounds.

* * *

"Thanks for patching us up, missy." I heard a familiar voice close to my ear.  
Chibs stood right behind me, so close that I could feel the warmth of his body next to mine.  
I turned around to look into these brown eyes that once gave me the feeling of being home.  
Now they just reminded me of the fact that love is simply just a lie.  
My jaw tensed and through my teeth I responded "No problem."

I turned around and was about to leave him standing there when he placed a hand on my shoulder.  
I swirled around in anger and Chibs immediately let go of me. "What?" I snapped sharply.  
He looked on the ground like the answer was lying there. Nervously he played with his goatee.

"I miss ya." He finally said. "All I want is talking to ya again. I know we ain't gonna be a happy couple again.  
I screwed up. Big times. Is there any chance, even just a tiny one, that we can try to talk to each other again?  
Not avoiding each other?"

I honestly didn't know what to respond. A part of me wanted that. Wanted to talk to him.  
Another part of me even wanted to be that happy couple again that we were.  
But most of me just wanted to get over him. And that won't happen if we started to act normal.  
As much as wanted to have him by my side, I needed to move on.

"I don't think that's a good idea." I said calmly and looked at him with an emotionless face. Cold and neutral.  
I was even surprised that I could stay that calm.  
Chibs must've thought likewise because he didn't start to argue with me. "Oh, okay. Fine."  
He whispered quietly then he turned away.  
For some seconds I just stood there, paralyzed. Did I just turned him down?

All the times I wanted him back, wanted him to say those things to me. But now I just acted cold and rational.  
I knew it was better this way, but it didn't feel right.

* * *

All I wanted now was to be alone before people would recognize that my eyes filled with tears.  
Quickly I ran upstairs and went into one of the dorms, slamming the door behind me.  
Then I let go of all my suppressed emotions. I sank onto the bed and grabbed a pillow to put it on my mouth so that it would silence my screams and sobs _._

 _I tried to forget him and now this bastard wants to talk? Why can't he just let it go? Or why did he betray me in the first place? What did he want? Forgiveness? Fuck you, Chibs Telford! You broke my heart and now you think we can just be friends again?_

I must have been in the dorm for a long time because bit by bit I heard people from downstairs leaving and the music was softened a little.  
I had no intention to leave the dorm soon, though. T  
he fact that Chibs could see my tear-stained face kept me from going downstairs. 

There was a soft knock on the door, followed by someone saying "Ella? You okay?"  
"Who is it?" I rasped with tired voice.  
"It's Kozik. Can I come in?" he softly said, with worry in his voice.  
Quickly I wiped the last tears away. "Yeah, come in."  
He entered the room, closing the door behind him. Then he came up to me, watching me closely.  
"You cried." He noted softly and stroke a strand of hair out of my face.  
"Beautiful women shouldn't cry."

I snorted a little. "Oh, come on. Don't give me that romantic bullshit. Romance is the least I want right now."  
"Then what do you want?" he asked me and by the way he spoke I believed that he really wanted to know.

I hesitated a little with my answer, not exactly knowing what it would be.  
It took me a while to say something.  
Instead I hungrily pressed my lips onto Kozik's.  
"Distraction." I gasped when I let go of his lips.  
"All I want now is distraction."


	19. UPDATE

My lovely Followers,

I wanna give you a quick update about why I haven't uploaded a new chapter in the last months.  
It's been a crazy, fun time since January.  
I'm currently on exchange in the Netherlands and my time is mostly filled with sightseeing, getting to know other people and enjoying my time here.  
PLUS, studying, of course! :D

Unfortunately, I can't find the time right now to write a new chapter :(  
But that doesn't mean that I forgot about Ella!  
This story will continue, promise! :*

I am very sorry to let you guys wait :(

For those, who are interested .. I am studying "Media and Culture Studies" and in one of my courses we spoke about "Vidding". And since I am a person who wants to try out everything I decided to create a little vid for this fanfiction.  
Maybe this will comfort you a little during the waiting time.  
But be prepared, it is not very good :D

I decided that Lexie Grey from Grey's Anatomy would be a good choice for Ella.  
She is a bit dorky, funny, smart, emotional and overall a strong character.  
So a lot of similarities to Ella (at least in my opinion).

Since the story is from Ella's POV, I decided to include Chibs' POV in the vid.  
The vid is no new chapter! So it is not necessary to watch it in order to follow the storyline ;)  
It's just a fun project and I hope you'll like it! 

I hope you guys will take a look at this project and I'll be glad to hear some feedback!  
Thank you for your support and that you're staying with me after this long time :) 

Yours, Laura :*

And that's my little fanvid:  
/vindNkj6-3k


	20. Running

My lovely followers! :)  
I am back!

My exchange semester has come to an end.  
This week I handed in my final paper and finally I found the time to continue with the story.

I started this chapter 3 months ago, and only yesterday I continued.  
Therefore, it might seem a little puzzled. I'm sorry for that.

Still need some time to get back to my usual writing routine :D

Thank you all for remaining faithful to Ella, the story & me :)

I'm open for any kind of feedback.  
So, please feel free to write a review or message me :)

* * *

Our kisses grew wilder and I dug my hands deep into Kozik's blonde hair pushing him closer to me.  
He pushed me gently on the bed and I quickly slipped out of my clothes. So, did he.  
I didn't want to do a slow striptease in front of him. I didn't want this to be romantic or sensual.  
Right now, he was just a means to an end. And he was a handsome means, I admit.  
He was toned with muscles in all the right places.

I hadn't had much time to enjoy this view because he quickly jumped on me, covering my naked body with his.  
While he put wet kisses on my lips and neck his right hand wandered down my body to stop at my labia.  
I moaned when he started to massage my clit with his fingers.

When I was wet enough he entered me with two of his fingers.  
He definitely knew what a girl wants! Or at least what I wanted.

"I'll make you forget anything you want, Ella." He whispered in my ear and I shook my head quickly in awaiting of getting more.

With one quick move, he parted my legs and slowly let his hard cock glide into me.  
I cried out loud when I felt how big he was.

My fingers dug deep into his back, probably leaving scratches. But I didn't care and neither did he.  
Rapidly he began increasing his speed, pushing in and out of me.  
The room was filled with our moans and the sound of naked flesh banged together.

My body was shaking under his and I felt that I was about to reach my climax soon.  
"This is so good!" I screamed out loud and Kozik smirked a little while he placed his hand between us and began to rub my clit.  
I couldn't take that any longer. My muscles tensed and Kozik penetrated me even faster.  
"Wanna come together?" he panted and I quickly nodded my head, unable to speak from all the arousal.

My orgasm kicked in seconds later, making me scream out loud in pleasure.  
Kozik pushed in me two more times before he pulled himself out of me, ejaculating on my belly.  
Exhausted and with a smile he laid next to me, breathing heavily.

"Thank you." I whispered when I finally caught my breath again.  
"Oh, not for that. You can have that anytime, babe." He chuckled and I rolled my eyes about this line, but still laughing about it.

I jumped up and headed to the shower.  
But remembering his words I turned around and leaned on the doorframe, a seductive grin on my face.  
"What?" he said with a little smile.  
"You said anytime, right?" I smirked.

"Wait! What? Now? Just give me 10 more minutes."

"Ok, I'll be in the shower waiting for you." I winked at him then turned around and went into the shower.

Kozik and I spend the night at the clubhouse, none of us willing to get home.  
After a long time, I finally had the feeling that my mind was free again.  
Nothing there that's blocking it.

I fall asleep in Kozik's arms, protected and safe.

* * *

The next morning, I woke up by the first strays of the sun. Kozik was still asleep and snored slightly.  
I tried to get up as quiet as possible and searched for my clothes which wasn't that easy since they were all over the place.  
Except for my bra, I found everything, so I kept looking for it on the floor.

"Looking for this?" I heard Kozik's rusty voice behind me.  
When I turned around I saw him smirking, holding my bra in his hands and swinging it in front of me.  
"I thought I could keep it as a trophy." He grinned childishly and therefore I punched him in his chest.

"Ow! Damn, you hit like a dude!" He stroked over the place where my fist hit his flesh.  
It couldn't hurt this much though, since he was still smiling.  
"Well, I'm not as soft as I look." I grinned a little. "So, would you please hand me my bra?"  
He gave it to me without any argument, but pouted a little when I took it from him.

"What were you doing anyway? Did you want to sneak out? Without the decency to leave me a letter? I'm shocked!"  
Theatrically he rested his hand on his chest and I started to laugh.

"No. I just didn't want to wake you. And don't get me wrong. I had fun. But I think this was a one-time thing. No offense."  
I said and looked shyly on the ground.

"Oh, none taken. I had fun, too. And if you don't want to do it again, I'm fine. You won't hurt my feelings or anything.  
But if you ever feel the need to get "distracted" again, just let me know." He winked at me and I had to smile.  
I've never been into one-night-stands a lot. The morning after you always feel ashamed or embarrassed.  
But this was different. This was uncomplicated. And I liked it.  
"Yeah, I'll let you know." I laughed and put on my bra. "So, I'll see you around then, right?"  
"You will." He smiled and I gave him a hug before I left the room and walked downstairs.

The clubhouse was unusually empty. Well, due to the lockdown it wasn't "empty", of course.  
But I figured out that all of the members of the Charming charter were gone, including their old ladies.  
I decided to drive over to Tara and find out where they've been.

* * *

"Wow, what happened to you? You're glowing!" Tara said to me when she opened the door.  
"What's gotten into you? Or should I ask who?"  
My face turned red and I tried to suppress a giggle. Tara's eyes widened.  
"Okay, I only meant to make a joke. But telling from this reaction. Who is it? What happened?"

"Geez, Tara. Let me have a coffee first." I chuckled and entered her kitchen.  
I smiled at Half-Sack, who was there to protect Tara. He held Abel in his arms, and shyly looked up when he saw me.  
He must've heard what we were talking about. "Ehm, I could leave you two alone in the kitchen. I mean, if you wanna talk."  
He got up and handed me Able.  
"Ah, it's okay." I said. "Nothing's a secret in Charming anyway."

"Well, give me a name." Tara demanded, while reaching me a mug of coffee.  
I took it and placed Able in his seat, kissing him on his forehead.

Then I sat down and grinned at Tara. "Kozik."  
"No way!" I heard Half-Sack snorted and he immediately blushed when he realized that he shouldn't be part of that conversation. "Sorry" he whispered.

I just grinned at him and then turned around to face Tara.  
I couldn't really tell by her face how she was feeling about it.  
Her mouth formed a little smirk, but her eyes looked a little ... disappointed?  
Was she disappointed in me? 

"What?" I asked her. "Nothing." She said. "I'm happy for you that you're back in the game.  
I just kinda hoped that you would tell me that you and Chibs worked it out."

I just shrugged my shoulders. "Hm, I dunno. Right now, this is all too complicated for me.  
And I think, it's just the way it is. I needed to blow off some steam."

"And you sure did!" Tara laughed and I joined her.  
She might not be happy about my choices but I knew that she would always respect them. 

Our laughing was abruptly interrupted when Half Sack jumped off and faced he door.  
When we looked around, Cameron Hayes stood in front of us with a nervous face and a gun in his hand, pointing at us.

I did not really understand what he was talking about _. Gemma killed his son_.  
Everything happened so fast, it was almost surreal.

I remembered me yelling "No!" when Hayes was pointing a knife at Abel.  
Tara and Half-Sack jumped up from their seats and Half-Sack ran right away into the knife.  
The next thing I saw was him lying dead on the floor, in a pool of blood.  
I was paralyzed, not able to move. _This is not real!  
_  
Tara was sobbing, not able to speak. I felt that my face was wet from tears, but I couldn't remember crying.  
"You!" Hayes yelled at me. "Tie her up!" he demanded. But I didn't move. I couldn't.  
"Tie her up, or I'll kill the boy!" I blinked a few times and slowly I realized that this was reality. Not a dream.  
"Please, no." I whispered and my voice shook.  
"Then do as I say." Hayes replied, this time with a softer voice.

I tied Tara to a chair in Abel's bedroom. "I'm so sorry." I whispered and she shook her head.  
"Don't let him hurt Abel, Ella." She said in a calm voice. "Just do what he wants."  
I nodded and after that I put duct tape over Tara's mouth.

Then I turned to Hayes, not knowing what would happen next. "I'm sorry." I heard him saying.  
Then he punched me on my temple which made me cause to fall on the ground.  
Hayes didn't check if I was really knocked out and ran out of the door. 

My sight was blurry and my head hurt like hell. But I was still awake. And maybe I could catch him.  
I knew that I didn't have time to free Tara. I looked at her and I only could imagine her nodding.  
So, I stumbled out of the house, trying to see the shape of Hayes.

I spotted him running around a corner and followed him as fast as I possibly could.  
But it was hard to focus. Although he didn't knock me out, I felt really dizzy.

But I couldn't let him get away with Abel.  
I would never forgive myself if something happened to him.

"Abel! No!" I shouted and Hayes turned around in panic. He was maybe 30 meters ahead from me.  
All of a sudden, I heard a loud bang. I wanted to run further but I couldn't.

It was only then when I looked down at me and realized that blood was running down my legs.  
I didn't feel any pain, but my body didn't want to work anymore. _I had been shot!_

Before the pain could kick in, everything around me turned black.

 _Abel, Abel! … Please, don't hurt him. Please.._


	21. Surviving

**Some of you know that I wanted to close the story and let it end with a cliffhanger.  
Most of you weren't happy about it. Including me.  
So I decided to give this story another chance :)  
**

 **Every year I rediscover my love for SOA and start watching the whole series again.**  
 **This gave me** new **motivation for this story and I really want to know how Ella is developing.**  
 **There are still some loose ends that I want to tie up and there is so much more to discover.**

 **I'll be honest with you guys. I cannot promise a new chapter every week. Maybe not even every month.**  
 **I just want you to know that. There are times when I enjoy writing and thinking of new situations for Ella.**  
 **And then there are times when I feel like I'm heading towards a dead end.**  
 **I'll try my best!**

 **I'm so glad that this story has so many followers and that it got more, even though I wasn't writing for almost a year. That makes me very happy!**

 **Thank you for loving my OC and for following the story :)**

 **As you know I am always thankful for advice and reviews.**  
 **And most of them are very nice and encouraging. Thank you! :***

 **Though one person wrote:  
** _"I_ _really_ _don't get how so many writers put a woman on a motorcycle. Did you ever see a hot, beautiful woman driving it. Ever? In my experience only heavier, butch women drive those tipe of motorcycles_ _"_ _._

 **Honestly, this response made me very angry. And I wanna comment on that.**  
 **If you don't believe that a feminine person can ride a bike than this is simply an old-fashioned and sexist view!**  
 **We have to stop to think in binary codes where you can only be tough if you're a man and where women are simply weak.**  
 **And thinking that only "butch women" can ride a bike only represents in what kind of a society we are living.**  
 **This discrimination against gender (and especially against women) has to stop!**

 **I thought it was important to emphasize that.  
I tend not to be too political in my writings but** **when it comes to sexism** **I simply cannot shut my mouth.**  
 **I hope something like this never happens again.**

 **That being said, I want you to enjoy the following chapter :)**

* * *

~ 3 weeks later ~

"Hey Doc! I think she's waking up." A familiar voice reached my ear. I didn't know who it was and what exactly he or she was saying.  
It was all just noise to me. And when I opened my eyes for only a second, I fall back into a deep, black space.  
Sleep, unconsciousness death?!

 _Is this how death felt?_

The next time I woke up, it was easier. All around me I figured out that people were standing. "Hey, Ella. Hey! Stay with us, will ya?!" _Tig?_

I blinked a few times and slowly my vision became less blurry. I managed to stay awake this time and looked around the room.  
It looked white and sterile. Like a hospital room. _But why am I here? What happened?_

And suddenly everything came back to my memory. Tara in the kitchen. Half-Sack dead on the floor. Hayes fleeing with Abel. A shot.  
And then everything all of a sudden turned black.

My head went down to where I thought the wound must be.  
I lifted the sheets and my shirt to reveal my stomach which was entirely wrapped in a large bandage _. Shit!_

"Damn, Ella. We really thought we lost you." There was this familiar voice again. I turned my head around to look into Tig's piercing blue eyes.  
"It didn't look so good. If Chibs only found you two minutes later you would have been cold as stone."

"Chibs found me? Where? How?" I stuttered in a raspy voice.

"We figured out something was wrong when we couldn't reach you, Tara or Half-Sack. So we checked Tara's house first. Lucky for you!  
You were lying two blocks from Tara's house, barely alive and covered in blood. God, Ella. I've seen a lot of blood, but nothing like this.  
We all thought you were gone, but Chibs reanimated you until the ambulance was there."

"So.. so, he saved my life?" I blushed a little and didn't quite know how to feel about this. Happy. Yes, definitely. But also overwhelmed.

"Yes, he did, sweetheart." Tig smiled and rested a hand on my forehead.

"What did I miss? What about Half-Sack? And Abel? Where is he?" Panic was written in my eyes and my breathing went hectic.  
In the background I could hear an annoying loud beeping which went faster and faster.

"Sir, I think you should give her some rest." A nurse who just rushed into my room said to Tig.  
It was only then that I realized that it was me who caused the beeping. All the monitors I was connected to made those noises.  
As soon as I realized that I tried to calm down. "No, please. It's okay. I'm fine. Can he please stay?"  
I puppy-eyed the nurse who nodded her head a little annoyed. "Alright, I'll make an exception. But only 30 minutes more. You need to rest."

I chuckled a little about this expression. _Rest_. I mean I rested the last couple of .. what? _Hours? Days? Or even months?_

"How long have I been gone, Tig?"

"Nearly three weeks, Ella. Like I said, it didn't look good. The doctors had to put you into an artificial coma."  
My eyes opened in shock. _I was gone for three weeks?!  
_ "But what happened? What about Abel? Is he safe?"

Tig made a long pause. "Ella, he is gone. Hayes took him to Northern Ireland."

Now an even longer pause. "What? I don't understand."  
"I really don't want to upset you or interrupt your process of healing, Ella. SAMCRO will find him, I promise"

"Tig, what the hell you talkin' about?!" I raised my voice a little. "Just tell me everything that happened. EVERYTHING! And don't worry about me.  
I made it through being shot I can make it through the truth. Just tell me, please."

"Ok. You gonna find out anyway." Tig sighed. "So, when we arrived at Tara's we found her still being tied up in the bedroom. Don't worry, she's fine.  
There wasn't a single sign of Abel nor Hayes in whole Charming though. We tracked him down and Jax nearly got him but this motherfucker was faster.  
We found out that Hayes took Abel to Northern Ireland. So this is where most of us are now. Trying to find him.  
I don't believe that the Irish are gonna hurt Abel. He will be safe back in Charming any time."  
Tig offered me a little smile to comfort me. He must've seen the worry in my face.

"And what about Half-Sack? Hayes shot him, too."

Sadness was written on Tig's face now. "Half-Sack, he didn't make it. He died a hero."

I nodded, still in shock. "Yeah .. yeah, he did. Ehm, wow. I .. I really liked him. He didn't deserve to go like this."

* * *

I had to stay in St. Thomas for another week. Every day I felt stronger and healthier. My wound was healing fine and I couldn't wait to get out.  
One day Margaret Murphy came by to check on me. "Ella, I'm glad you're alright." She looked relieved but also worried. "I know, it's none of my business.  
But I don't think that the Sons of Anarchy have a good influence on you. You should take care of yourself and these criminals only get you in dangerous situations. If you want I can help you."

I looked at her puzzled, and angry. "Margaret, thank you for coming by. But you're right, it's none of your business!" I raised my voice.  
"The club is my family. And if you got a problem with that, tell me. But don't assume that they're bad for me. They're not. They're the reason I'm still here."

Margaret eyes widened, probably surprised at my little outburst. "Ehm, I'm .. I'm sorry."  
In her look I could see that she wasn't finished yet. "What is it?" I asked her.

"Well, the exams for neonatal nursery took place last week. I'm sorry, Ella. But since you didn't show up there is nothing I could do.  
You could try again maybe next year." She looked at me apologetic.

"Since I didn't show up?!" I scoffed. "Well, how could I? I was in a fucking coma!" Now, I yelled at her.  
I didn't mean to. It just came out of me and I couldn't help it. I was frustrated. Angry. Sad. Helpless.  
In all this misery the exam and my promotion were the last thing I cared for. I suddenly realized that none of this mattered.  
Half-Sack was dead. Abel was kidnapped. And the boys were in Belfast trying to save his life.  
Those were the things that mattered. The things I cared about.

"Yeah, well. I guess, I'll try next year then." I told Margaret soberly.  
She nodded. "Okay, I'll leave now. Take as much time as you need to recover. The others can fit in for you."  
Before she left she turned around and gave me a little smile. "I'm really glad that you're okay, Ella."  
I smiled back at her. "Yeah, me too."

When I was finally released Tara drove me home. She looked tired and somehow worn out.  
"Thanks for driving me home, Tara. You wanna stay a bit and talk?"  
She smiled thankfully. "Yeah, that would be nice."

She sat down on the couch while I made some coffee. "Did you hear anything from Jax yet?" I asked her and handed her a mug.

"I haven't talked to him for a while. Damn, Ella. I think he blames me for all of this!" She looked at me with empty eyes.  
Like she wanted to cry but there were no tears left.  
"And I'm not even mad for him of thinking that. I could've done more. Maybe this is all my fault."

I knew those feeling very well. The guilt. The feeling that you are the only person who could've prevented this awful event.

"Tara, listen." I laid my hand on her arm and stroke it gently. "You did all you could. I know you love Abel like he is your own son. And I'm pretty sure that Jax knows it, too. If the guys say they'll get him back, they will get him back. Don't eat yourself up. That doesn't help anyone. Especially not you."

She tried to smile. "Yeah, maybe you're right. But I cannot shake off the feeling that I'm partly responsible for that."  
"The only one responsible is Marshall Baxtor and no one else."  
I could see the confusion in her eyes and then I realized what I just said.

"Who is Marshall Baxtor?" Tara asked.

And the I told her the whole story. Everything. From the death of my mother, the violence of my father. How he killed my brother.  
And how I freaked in my internship and punched Marshall Baxtor for abusing his daughter because it so much reminded me of my own story.  
And then the dark hole I fell in. The drinking. Stripping.

"But since I am in Charming everything changed. This is my life now. You, the club. I finally feel like myself again."

Tara looked at me with open eyes. During the whole story she didn't say a word and just nodded or shook her head.  
"Ella, I had no clue. I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. It happened a while ago. And I paid the price. Feeling guilty can make you do things you'll regret later.  
You didn't do anything wrong, Tara. Trust me. The club will find Abel. I really do believe that. And you have to believe it, too.  
I know that Jax and the others will do everything they can to get him back. Just trust them."


	22. Not Knowing

**I just jump to where the club is coming back to Charming with Abel.  
I decided that Tara won't get kidnapped by Salazar and to skip all the drama there.  
I wanna speed things up a little with the storyline and I think, you can feel that while reading.  
I'm sorry for that. I'm not super happy with this chapter, to be honest.**

 **Just so you know.**

 **I still hope you like it. Maybe more than I do ;)**

 **Love to read some reviews of you :)**

 **Enjoy ;)**

* * *

It was in the middle of the night when my phone rang. With sleepy eyes I tried to grab it, nearly let it slip out of my hand.  
"Hello? Who's there?" I groaned. "It's Gemma, darling."

Her warm, raspy voice made me smile. She sounded relieved.  
"You alright?" I asked. "Yeah. We all are. Abel is fine. We're heading back to Charming now." I could hear her smile at the other end of the phone.  
Immediately, I was awake. "Wow, Gemma! That's great news! I can't wait to see you all."

"Yeah, me too, baby. I was afraid that I would almost never see you again. But you're a tough girl. I know, you'll make it through.  
I'm sorry, I haven't called. The service here is shit and with everything going on with Abel, I'm .."  
"It's okay, Gem." I cut her off. "I'm just happy that ya'll are safe. And I was out for 3 weeks. So I wasn't so chatty, anyways."  
I chuckled, and I could hear her chuckle, too.

"We headed to Belfast only a few days after you've been attacked. You were still in a coma and we were all so worried.  
But Tig kept us updated. We love you, you know that, right?"  
"I know, Gem. I love you, too." I replied.

"Hey, you know what?! I'm gonna throw you guys a little 'Welcome Back' party at TM. I think, we all could use a little fun after all the drama."  
"Oh, that would be great. Thanks, Ella. I'll see you tomorrow."  
"Can't wait. Bye!" Then I hung up.

 _So, let's plan a party then._

* * *

"Tig, Kozik. I want you to get everything on this list here." I handed them over the list for the party I made this night.  
After Gemma called I was too excited to go back to bed.  
"Why the two of us? Can't Kozik go alone?" Tig pouted.

They still weren't getting along and I honestly couldn't stand the two of them being in one room together. It was annoying.  
"Yeah, I want you to go together. Would be good for you. And I can't stand having one of you around here, doing nothing, while I decorate the clubhouse."  
"Come on, Tiggy. Could be fun." Kozik said, punching Tig lightly in the arm.  
He only rolled his eyes and headed towards the truck. "You owe me, Ella." Tig said, pointing his finger at me.

"I like it when you're bossy." Kozik winked at me. Though we agreed that the night after the lockdown was only a one-night stand, he still flirted with me.  
And I couldn't deny that I somehow liked it. Not in a 'I wanna rip his clothes off and do him right here on the floor" kind of way.  
More like 'I'm a strong, beautiful women and people realize it".

* * *

The clubhouse was filling up bit by bit with people. Tig and Kozik managed not to kill each other and got everything on the list.  
Mainly booze and barrels of beer. Tara helped me with decorating the place.  
Her mood lightened, knowing that she would get Abel and Jax back. Piney called other charters who brought some people with them.  
Although a little grumpy, I knew, that Piney had a good heart.

"So, when they comin'?" he asked me.  
"They should be here any minute. Oh, I'm so excited. I hope they like the party. And that they're not too exhausted. I mean, it's been a long flight."  
"They'll love it, sweetheart. Trust me, there's enough pussy back there. The guys won't even know how to spell 'sleep' anymore."  
He chuckled, and I just rolled my eyes. "You're a dirty old man, you know that?!" I smirked and gave him a hug.  
"Thanks for everything you did for the club. You did really good the last couple of months."  
"Thanks Piney. I appreciate it."

Just minutes later we could hear the loud rattling sound of the bikes.  
All of the people got out of the clubhouse and cheered when Jax and the rest parked their bikes in the lot.  
Tara was the first who ran to Jax, pulling him in a long passionate kiss. He nodded towards Gemma who just got out of the van.  
In her arms she held Abel. Tears filled Tara's eyes when she finally could hold him in her arms again.

I watched the scene and could do nothing but smile.  
This little boy had been through so much shit, but he could be sure that he'd have a family who loves him and would to anything to keep him safe.

When Gemma spotted me in the crowd she quickly came over to me, spreading her arms wide open.  
"Ella!" Then she pulled me into a deep hug. "Oh God, I'm so happy to see you." She whispered in my hair. "Me too, mama."  
"I'm sure the others wanna see you, too." She said and let go of me. And it was true.

Only seconds after Gemma released me from her arms, I was surrounded by lots of leather and cuts.  
Everyone hugged me and told me how glad they were I survived. Clay even gave me a little kiss on the head which surprised me a little.  
In all this clutter I couldn't really figure out who was hugging me. When the bubble of people slowly dispersed, I saw Chibs standing right in front of me.  
"We should go get inside." I heard Juice say to the rest, and they all followed him.  
It was only Chibs and me outside then.

When Chibs looked at me his mouth formed a little smile. I didn't really know what to do or to say. It felt like ages since I saw him.  
Everything that has happened between us only felt like a memory. I realized in this moment that I couldn't be angry at him anymore.  
That our friendship, or whatever this still was, was more important than a little drama.  
If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be here. He saved my life. And I couldn't thank him enough for that.

"I .. "I stuttered but my mouth wouldn't let me articulate long sentences. I breathed in, trying to ignore the butterflies in my stomach.  
"Thank you" I whispered.  
Chibs came closer to me, smiling more brightly. With each hand he grabbed mine, resting his forehead on mine.  
"Don't know what I would do without ya, missy." He said and kissed me lightly on the cheek, before he went inside the clubhouse.

My hand reached to my cheek, right there where I just felt Chibs mouth. I wasn't sure what to feel about this.  
Seeing him again, finally saying how thankful I was, meant a lot to me. But I couldn't really put into words what this would all mean.  
I know that I needed to have a talk with him sooner or later.  
Too much has happened and I just realized how much I missed him.

I enjoyed the rest of the party outside the clubhouse, sitting on a bench, drinking beer and smoking.  
Occasionally people would come to me and thank me for the party.  
Mostly crow-eaters or people I didn't really know too well.

"Hey, why don't you come in?" It was Kozik, who sat down next to me, putting an arm around my shoulders.  
"I'd rather stay here where it's quiet." I answered him, faking a smile.  
"Chibs?" he asked me.  
"Hm, I dunno. Maybe. It's just the fact that I don't know how to act around him anymore. Before I got shot, before all the drama.  
I was sure that I would never wanted to see him again. That was a feeling I could articulate, you know. But now, I don't know. He saved my life.  
This changes everything. But we cannot go back to where we were."

"And why's that?" Kozik asked, smiling naively at me.  
"Well, because .. I don't know. Too much has happened." I shrugged my shoulders.  
I didn't know what to feel, and that bothered me.  
It was like driving towards a dead end and there was no chance to turn around.

"Ella, listen. Don't rack your brain. Don't overthink everything."  
"Well, the last time I stopped overthinking things I hooked up with you." I raised my eyebrows and chuckled a little.  
"And it wasn't that bad, was it?" he winked at me with a smirk.  
"No, it wasn't. But like I said before. That was a one-time thing."  
"Hey, I understand. Just talk to him. You'll figure things out."  
He leaned a little closer nd tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear.

From the wrong perspective this might have looked like Kozik was kissing me.  
I only realized that when I heard a loud snort, followed by the dull and loud sound of boots walking away.  
When I turned around I saw Chibs heading towards his Dyna.  
"Shit!" I panted and got up, trying to catch up with Chibs.

"Chibs, wait! It's not what it looks like!"

He was already sitting on his Dyna, ready to leave, but I was able to position myself in front of him.  
"Ella, get the fuck out of me way!" he yelled at me.  
"No!" I shouted, placing my hands on the handle bars.  
"I'm not in the mood for chatting right now. You wanna talk? Talk to yer new boyfriend." He spat at me.  
The motor of his Dyna was still running.

"Jesus, Chibs! Kozik's not my boyfriend. And why do you even care? You're the one who's still married!"

I really wanted to prevent going down that road. But he asked for it.

Instead of yelling back at me, he turned off the motor, and faced me with a blank look.  
"No, I'm not." He said calmly. "Back in Belfast I filed for divorce. And Fiona signed all the papers.  
It's gonna be official in a few months. I wanted to surprise ya with it. But apparently ya got other things on yer plate."

Then he turned the motor on again.  
I let go of the handle bars and stepped aside, letting him through.

Now, I really didn't know what to feel.


End file.
